How To Stop Nervous Laughter (A Step-By-Step Guide)

It’s happened to me.

And if you’re reading this, chances are it’s happened to you, too.

You’re socializing with new friends…

You find yourself at the center of the conversation…

A feeling of embarrassment, discomfort or confusion sinks in…

…and you become giddy with nervous laughter.

If the above sounds familiar, don’t worry—you’re not alone.

I struggled with nervous laughter for years.

It didn’t matter whether I was presenting to my class, meeting new work colleagues, or asking a girl out … I always laughed nervously the moment I felt anxious.

So, one day, I decided to do something about it.

Today, I can sit comfortably in silence, hold the attention of a room when presenting, and express myself confidently without fear of judgment from others…

And today, I want to show you how you can, too.

In this article, I’ll show you what nervous laughter is, why we experience it and more importantly, how to eliminate it so you never have to feel embarrassed in company again.

Let’s get started.

What is Nervous Laughter?

Nervous laughter isn’t really laughter at all. It isn’t an expression of amusement or a conscious effort to be polite. Rather, it’s a physical reaction to stress, tension, confusion, or anxiety.

According to neuroscientist Vilayanur S. Ramachandran,

We have nervous laughter because we want to make ourselves think what horrible thing we encountered isn’t really as horrible as it appears, something we want to believe.

Nowhere is this more common than in social situations.

If you’re on a date, for example, and the conversation drops, you might need to “fill” the silence by chuckling—even if there’s no reason to. Or, you might mishear a question your date asks and smile nervously rather than ask them to repeat themselves because you’re too shy or bashful.

Do this often enough, and over time, it becomes a habit.

And once it becomes a habit, it becomes more difficult to break…

…unless you have the right tools in your toolbox.

The Most Important Framework You’ll Ever Learn

In 2012, Charles Duhigg published his New York Times’ bestselling book, The Power of Habit.

In it, he introduced a simple three-step framework for understanding how habits work called “the habit loop”:

Here’s how Duhigg explains the habit loop:

First, there’s a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if [a] particular loop is worth remembering for the future. [1]

If we were to apply the habit loop to our previous dating example, it might look like the following:

Your date asks you a question but you mishear them (cue), you laugh nervously as you’re too shy to ask them to repeat themselves (routine), and you experience a momentary release in awkward tension (reward).

If you’ve ever laughed nervously (like in the above example), you’ve probably found it tightened you up further rather than relax you (which, of course, defies the point of laughing, to begin with).

It’s important to mention here when a habit emerges the brain stops fully participating in decision-making.

In other words, it becomes an automatic reaction.

This is why it’s so hard to control nervous laughter.

You want to replace it with a better, more empowering behavior (like taking a moment to compose yourself), but your brain is conditioned to do what it’s always done.

However, that doesn’t mean you can’t change.

“Simply understanding how habits work—learning the structure of the habit loop—makes them easier to control,” Duhigg writes. “Once you break a habit into its components, you can fiddle with the gears.”

Let’s discuss how to do that.

How to Control Nervous Laughter (in 4 Simple Steps)

Eliminating nervous laughter isn’t necessarily easy. And it isn’t always quick. But it is possible when you commit to change and apply the following four-step framework:

1. Identify the routine
2. Experiment with rewards
3. Isolate the cue
4. Have a plan

Let’s discuss each in detail.

1. Identify the Routine

The routine is the most obvious component:

The behavior you want to change.

In our example, it’s nervous laughter.

But identifying the routine isn’t always enough.

Why?

Because most people aren’t aware they laugh nervously, to begin with.

And those who are, choose to shy away from it.

I know this better than anyone. I was in denial for years, but it wasn’t until I became interested in personal development and asked a friend to point out my annoying habits, did I become aware of how annoying my nervous laughter really was.

The truth is, you can’t change what you’re not aware of. Only when you’re aware of the behavior you want to change (routine), can you replace your nervous laughter with a more empowering habit.

Granted, it might be uncomfortable, but I invite you to ask a trusted friend or family member to be completely honest and upfront with you, so you know exactly what behavior you need to improve.

2. Experiment with Rewards

We’re often unconscious of the rewards that drive our behaviors.

And nervous laughter is no exception.

To figure out which rewards are driving your nervous laughter, it’s useful to experiment with different rewards.

This might take a few days, or a week, or longer.

“During that period,” “Duhigg advises, “it’s important you shouldn’t feel any pressure to make a real change—think of yourself as a scientist in the data collection phase.”

To put it another way, treat failure like a scientist and iterate with each new “experiment.”

If, for example, you feel the need to laugh nervously when you encounter an awkward situation, smile and nod, instead. Or, if you mishear a college and are too shy to ask them to repeat themselves, say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Can you repeat that?”

The goal, remember, isn’t to replace your nervous laughter (not yet, anyway); it’s to experiment with different routines until you identify one that’s driving the behavior.

By experimenting with different rewards, you can isolate what you are actually craving and re-engineer the habit.

3. Isolate the Cue

According to research by the University of Western Ontario (summarized in Duhigg’s book), almost all habitual cues fit into one of five categories:

1. Location
2. Time
3. Emotional State
4. Other people
5. Immediately preceding action

So, if you’re trying to figure out the cue for nervous laughter, you might answer the following five questions the moment the urge hits:

1. Where am I?
2. What time is it?
3. What’s my emotional state?
4. Who else is around?
5. What action preceded the urge?

After a few instances, it will become clear which cue is triggering your nervous laughter (for me, it was an immediately preceding action such as getting called on in class).

4. Have a plan

Once you’ve figured out your habit loop—you’ve identified the reward driving the routine and the cue triggering it—you can begin to replace the behavior.

You can switch the behavior with a more empowering routine by planning for the cue and choosing a behavior that delivers the reward you’re craving.

In my experience, the most effective way to do that is to have what psychologists call an “implementation intention.”

According to Peter Gollwitzer, who introduced the concept, “Implementation intentions are if-then plans that spell out in advance how one wants to strive for a set goal.”

In other words, if you anticipate an obstacle (like nervous laughter) and link it to a goal-directed response (like counting your breath), you’re likely to enhance the rate of attaining your goal.

If, after experimenting, you discovered your cue was a particular person (other people) and counting to three internally is equally relieving in tension as nervous laughter, you might write, “If my manager asks me a question and I mishear them, then I will count to three and ask him to repeat himself.”

Writing down your implementation intention and reminding yourself of it before the cue is likely to occur will accelerate your learning curve and help cement the new habit.

Over to You

Overcoming nervous laughter doesn’t happen overnight.

I experimented with a new routine before replacing my nervous laughter with a more empowering habit.

No two people are alike. You might be able to do it sooner.

How long will it take you?

That I don’t know.

But what I do know, is if you commit to change and follow the framework, you’ll become the confident person you always knew you could be.

How have you tried to rid yourself of inappropriate nervous laughter? Leave a comment below.