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How to Take It Slow in a Relationship to Make It Last Download Article Dating and relationship coach Emyli Lovz explains how to establish boundaries with firm timelines Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Find a partner with your same priorities. 2 Set boundaries with the person you're dating early on. 3 Hang out only a few times a week. 4 Go on casual, fun dates. 5 Flirt with your partner. 6 Learn more about your significant other. 7 Spend time apart. 8 Don’t label the relationship. 9 Wait to meet your partner’s family. 10 Define your relationship by how happy you are. 11 Talk to your partner before taking things to the next level. 12 Keep the end goal for your relationship in mind. 13 Take the relationship as slow as you want. + Show 10 more... - Show less... Other Sections Expert Q&A VideoWATCH NOW Tips and Warnings Related Articles Expert Interview References Article Summary Co-authored by Emyli Lovz and Hannah Madden
Last Updated: January 3, 2026 Fact Checked
Download Article ARTICLE VIDEO X
This article was co-authored by Emyli Lovz and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Emyli Lovz is a dating and relationship coach for men based in San Francisco, CA. With 14 years of experience, Emyli is the co-founder of emlovz alongside her husband Thomas, whom she met during a 100-date experiment at UC Berkeley. Research findings from the experiment and the data collected from male and female clients over the past 14 years are the foundation for her coaching program, Dating Decoded. Now with a team of 10 coaches, emlovz is dedicated to helping men and women find and maintain loving, healthy, and lasting relationships and empowering them to achieve their dating and relationship goals. In addition to Dating Decoded, she also offers Relationships Decoded, helping people to not only find a long-term partner but an enduring, thriving relationship. Since 2012, Emyli has guided thousands of men, and her work has been featured in Forbes, Business Insider, Newsweek, USA Today, LA Weekly, Maxim, and more. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 243,096 times.
When you’re first starting a new relationship, taking things slowly is a great way to protect your heart and meet the right person for you. Fortunately, there are tons of people out there (like you!) who want to take things slow and get to know their partner more to form a deep, intimate connection before committing. If you’re ready to set your boundaries and control the pace of your relationship, keep reading: we’ve got all the tips you’ll need to go slowly with your partner.
How to Pace Your Relationship by Setting Timelines
Dating and relationship coach Emyli Lovz says it helps to set specific timelines with a new partner. For example, let them know you want to try dating for 3 months before you make the relationship "official," or that you like to wait 6 months before introducing a partner to your family. Be firm with your boundaries.
Steps
1
Find a partner with your same priorities.
Download Article
Choose a partner who wants to take things slow to avoid conflict. Your choice of partner is the most important factor in practically any relationship. However, when you're set on taking a relationship slowly, it's even more important than normal. Look for someone who can respect your choice to limit your intimacy.[1]X Expert Source Erika KaplanRelationship AdvisorExpert Interview This should be a person who isn't only focused on the physical aspects of a relationship. You want someone who's more interested in your thoughts than your body.[2]XResearch source
You can find people who meet these criteria anywhere. However, you may have the most success if you try places where people like this are likely to gather.
For example, since many religions teach that sex before marriage should be avoided, you may find good potential partners in religious youth groups or places of worship.
Advertisement 2
Set boundaries with the person you're dating early on.
Download Article
Be clear about what you’re comfortable with to avoid confusion. Set physical boundaries early on. Be clear and explicit about what you are (and aren't) comfortable with.[3]X Expert Source Hayley QuinnDating CoachExpert Interview It can be alarming if your physical limits come as a surprise to your partner in the "heat of the moment," so take the opportunity to be up-front before you start getting affectionate.[4]XResearch source Also discuss what you’re comfortable with emotionally or how serious you’d like to get.
Say something like, “Just so you know, it’s important that I wait until marriage before having sex.”
Or, “I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now, but I’d really love to keep seeing each other casually.”
Or, “I really like you, but I’d prefer if we didn’t have sex until we’re in an exclusive relationship.”
Don't be afraid to tell your partner "no" if they get too "touchy-feely" for you. If your partner won't listen to repeated warnings, have a serious discussion about respecting your boundaries.
Reader Poll: We asked 384 wikiHow readers if they wait to be in an official relationship before having sex, 67% of them responded with yes. [Take Poll]
3
Hang out only a few times a week.
Download Article
Keep up with other aspects of your life while dating at the same time. Part of a slow relationship means not seeing each other every single day. Instead of hanging out all the time, plan dates a few times a week (or even less, if you’d prefer). That way, you can both live your lives outside of the relationship without dedicating all your time to it.[5]X Expert Source John KeeganDating CoachExpert Interview
The same thing goes for texting and calling each other, too. Give each other space by not talking 24/7.
Advertisement 4
Go on casual, fun dates.
Download Article
Plan chill outings to focus on having fun. Take time to go out, explore the world, and treat each other to small luxuries. Whatever you and your partner enjoy doing together is fair game. The good news is that there are many, many things to do that don't involve physical intimacy. Enjoy traditional dates like dinner and a movie, or get creative with dates like rock climbing.[6]XResearch source
Splashing out on big, expensive dates can make the relationship feel more serious than it is. Keep things casual with fun, relaxed dates, like picnicking in the park or going for a bike ride.
5
Flirt with your partner.
Download Article
Keep the spark alive by getting a little saucy with your partner. Just because you're taking things slow doesn't mean your relationship has to be boring. Keep things exciting by learning how to flirt and putting your knowledge into practice. With a little effort, your relationship can be a source of great passion, even if you're waiting to get intimate.[7]XResearch source
For instance, you might compliment your partner or tell them how good they look with a saucy wink.
Or, you might give them a back rub or touch them on the arm when you’re sitting next to them.
Advertisement 6
Learn more about your significant other.
Download Article
Form an emotional connection to make you more comfortable. [8]X Expert Source John KeeganDating CoachExpert Interview Ask them deep questions, like what makes them happy or what their long-term goals are. The more you can focus on your emotional connection, the more you’ll create a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. Try questions like:
“What’s your best childhood memory?”
“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
“What are your career goals?”
“What do you like to do to relax on the weekends?”
7
Spend time apart.
Download Article
Slow things down by doing things without each other. Since you trust your partner to respect your pace for the relationship, trust your partner when they aren’t with you. Don't try to restrict your partner's time with friends, family, or other people who are important to them. Give your partner enough space to have some alone time when they want it.[9]XResearch source Remember that respect is a two-way street.
When you’re taking a relationship slowly, you probably won’t see your partner every day. Get comfortable with that, and make peace with the fact that your partner has their own life outside of the relationship.
Advertisement 8
Don’t label the relationship.
Download Article
Focus on having fun instead of asking, “What are we?” Defining the relationship is definitely important, but it can speed up your partnership, especially early on. If you really want to take things slow, don’t give each other labels or call each other “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”[10]XResearch source
You can still be exclusive if you want, but it’s possible to be in an exclusive relationship without labels.
For instance, you might say, “I’ve been having a lot of fun getting to know you, but I don’t want to label our relationship just yet. I’d like to wait and feel it out for a couple more weeks before I’m ready to make that commitment.”
9
Wait to meet your partner’s family.
Download Article
Meeting the family can put a lot of pressure on your relationship. While it might be convenient to visit your partner’s parents on a road trip or see their family on vacation, that doesn’t mesh with a relationship you’re trying to take slowly. There’s no specific timeline for how long you need to wait, but try to avoid meeting your partner’s family until you’re sure you want to be in a long-term, committed relationship with them.[11]XResearch source
Explain this to your partner by saying something like, “I’m sure your family is wonderful, and I’ll definitely want to meet them eventually. I think I’d be more comfortable if I waited until we’ve been dating for at least a year.”
Advertisement 10
Define your relationship by how happy you are.
Download Article
Measure the strength of your relationship by how you feel, not physicality. The things you've done with your partner, especially when it comes to physical affection and sex, aren't measures of how "good" your relationship is. At this stage, the most important thing is how you and your partner feel. If you both enjoy each others' company, you're affectionate, and you have open, caring attitudes towards each other, you're doing fine.[12]XResearch source
Keep in mind that not everyone will agree with this. Some people have different priorities for their relationships. It's OK to disagree with these people. If you're happy with your relationship, you don't need to let them pressure you into things you're not comfortable with.
11
Talk to your partner before taking things to the next level.
Download Article
Check in often with each other to make sure you’re both happy. Communication is vital to any relationship, but it's even more important when you're taking it slow.[13]XResearch source Discuss the boundaries of your relationship often to make sure you’re both still comfortable with them. If there are any concerns from either side, talk things out and listen to each other respectfully.[14]X Expert Source Erika KaplanRelationship AdvisorExpert Interview
For instance, maybe your partner would like to move in together, but you’re not ready yet. Let your partner know that while you’re committed to this relationship, you need to feel more secure before you take that next step.
Have this conversation carefully and gently, especially if you’re telling your partner to pump the brakes. Check in with yourself first to understand what you want, then tell your partner clearly and calmly.[15]X Expert Source Erika KaplanDating CoachExpert Interview
It’s fine to compromise with your partner, but don’t be afraid to stand your ground. If your partner is asking you to do something that you’re not comfortable with, feel free to tell them no.
EXPERT TIP
John Keegan
Dating Coach John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. John Keegan Dating Coach
Strong relationships prioritize open communication. Are you both looking for the same things in the long-term? Do you have compatible goals and lifestyles? These are important questions to consider and discuss as you make sure you're both on the same page.
Advertisement 12
Keep the end goal for your relationship in mind.
Download Article
Think about your relationship’s future so you can plan ahead. It's a good idea to have an idea of where you want your relationship to be eventually, even if you're not there yet. You can gradually work towards this goal, making week-by-week progress as you take small steps toward it.[16]X Expert Source Hayley QuinnDating CoachExpert Interview If you don't have an end in mind for your relationship, it can be harder to justify your slow pace to a partner.[17]XResearch source
If you are a teen or pre-teen, having an end goal of "spending lots of time being affectionate with each other" is fine. There's no need to worry about "the L word" or marriage for a long time.
If you're older, it's wise to know whether you plan to end up married, cohabiting, having children, and so on. This makes it easier to find a partner who's right for you (and get rid of ones who aren't). Plus, most adults who are willing to wait a long time to become physically intimate are interested in marriage or life-long relationships.
13
Take the relationship as slow as you want.
Download Article
Comparing your relationship to others will only bring you down. Being in a relationship should make you feel good (most of the time). If you find yourself frequently stressing out about whether or not you should take things to the next level, relax. These changes will happen naturally after you've decided that you're ready and you have discussed them with your partner.[18]X Expert Source Hayley QuinnDating CoachExpert Interview They aren't "checkboxes" to mark off as quickly as possible on the way to a "real" relationship.[19]XResearch source
If you suspect that your partner is unhappy with how slowly the relationship is progressing, have a serious conversation about it. It's best to address these problems head-on rather than pretending that they do not exist.
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Expert Q&A
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Question When should you open up to a new partner? Chloe Carmichael, PhD Licensed Clinical Psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.” Chloe Carmichael, PhD Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Answer Not having your heart completely open, and being able to walk away from a relationship, is actually a healthy thing until the right time—when your partner has proven to you through a track record of trust and respect. Then, you can fully open up. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 7 Helpful 33
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Tips
Don't buy into the idea that taking things slow sabotages your relationship before it even begins. Believe it or not, waiting to have sex or live together can significantly improve the long-term potential of a relationship.[20]XResearch sourceThanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
Not ready to go on one-on-one dates with someone yet? Try group dates, which take the pressure to be interesting and conversational off of you for the entire outing. Thanks Helpful 12 Not Helpful 4
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Erika Kaplan.
Co-authored by: Emyli Lovz Dating and Relationship Coach This article was co-authored by Emyli Lovz and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Emyli Lovz is a dating and relationship coach for men based in San Francisco, CA. With 14 years of experience, Emyli is the co-founder of emlovz alongside her husband Thomas, whom she met during a 100-date experiment at UC Berkeley. Research findings from the experiment and the data collected from male and female clients over the past 14 years are the foundation for her coaching program, Dating Decoded. Now with a team of 10 coaches, emlovz is dedicated to helping men and women find and maintain loving, healthy, and lasting relationships and empowering them to achieve their dating and relationship goals. In addition to Dating Decoded, she also offers Relationships Decoded, helping people to not only find a long-term partner but an enduring, thriving relationship. Since 2012, Emyli has guided thousands of men, and her work has been featured in Forbes, Business Insider, Newsweek, USA Today, LA Weekly, Maxim, and more. This article has been viewed 243,096 times. 12 votes - 83% Co-authors: 16Updated: January 3, 2026 Views: 243,096 Categories: Featured Articles | Maintaining RelationshipsArticle SummaryX
Worried about moving too fast in a relationship? When you meet someone you’re interested in dating, make sure their priorities are similar to yours. For example, let them know early on that you don’t want to get intimate right away, or that you’re just interested in dating casually and you aren’t ready to start a serious, committed relationship. Be clear and specific about your boundaries. For instance, you can say something like, “I don’t want to have sex until we’re in an exclusive relationship.” Start by hanging out just a few times a week, and keep your early dates fun and casual instead of fancy and expensive. Focus on getting to know your partner before you do anything more serious, like meeting their family or putting a label on the relationship. For more advice from our co-author, including how to enjoy affectionate outings at your own pace, scroll down!Did this summary help you?YesNo
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Reader Success Stories
Brandon Elliott
Dec 19, 2016
"This article is very helpful, because it's very grounding and balancing. What's meant to be simply will be - I've learned that through my romantic quests. When you find the right person, they will grow to love and accept you for who you are, flaws and all. They will do their best to love you, and my current love has even helped me calm and overcome my mind and it's habits of straying into making assumptions and negative thinking. Taking it slow has deep value."..." more
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Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Emyli Lovz Dating and Relationship Coach Co-authors: 16Updated: January 3, 2026 Views: 243,09683% of readers found this article helpful. 12 votes - 83% Click a star to add your vote
Brandon Elliott
Dec 19, 2016
"This article is very helpful, because it's very grounding and balancing. What's meant to be simply will be - I've learned that through my romantic quests. When you find the right person, they will grow to love and accept you for who you are, flaws and all. They will do their best to love you, and my current love has even helped me calm and overcome my mind and it's habits of straying into making assumptions and negative thinking. Taking it slow has deep value."..." more
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Nov 23, 2016
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Download Article Dating and relationship coach Emyli Lovz explains how to establish boundaries with firm timelines Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Find a partner with your same priorities. 2 Set boundaries with the person you're dating early on. 3 Hang out only a few times a week. 4 Go on casual, fun dates. 5 Flirt with your partner. 6 Learn more about your significant other. 7 Spend time apart. 8 Don’t label the relationship. 9 Wait to meet your partner’s family. 10 Define your relationship by how happy you are. 11 Talk to your partner before taking things to the next level. 12 Keep the end goal for your relationship in mind. 13 Take the relationship as slow as you want. + Show 10 more... - Show less... Other Sections Expert Q&A VideoWATCH NOW Tips and Warnings Related Articles Expert Interview References Article Summary Co-authored by Emyli Lovz and Hannah Madden 
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Co-authored by: Emyli Lovz Dating and Relationship Coach This article was co-authored by Emyli Lovz and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Emyli Lovz is a dating and relationship coach for men based in San Francisco, CA. With 14 years of experience, Emyli is the co-founder of emlovz alongside her husband Thomas, whom she met during a 100-date experiment at UC Berkeley. Research findings from the experiment and the data collected from male and female clients over the past 14 years are the foundation for her coaching program, Dating Decoded. Now with a team of 10 coaches, emlovz is dedicated to helping men and women find and maintain loving, healthy, and lasting relationships and empowering them to achieve their dating and relationship goals. In addition to Dating Decoded, she also offers Relationships Decoded, helping people to not only find a long-term partner but an enduring, thriving relationship. Since 2012, Emyli has guided thousands of men, and her work has been featured in Forbes, Business Insider, Newsweek, USA Today, LA Weekly, Maxim, and more. This article has been viewed 243,096 times. 12 votes - 83% Co-authors: 16 Updated: January 3, 2026 Views: 243,096 Categories: Featured Articles | Maintaining Relationships Article SummaryX
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Choose a partner who wants to take things slow to avoid conflict. Your choice of partner is the most important factor in practically any relationship. However, when you're set on taking a relationship slowly, it's even more important than normal. Look for someone who can respect your choice to limit your intimacy.[1] This should be a person who isn't only focused on the physical aspects of a relationship. You want someone who's more interested in your thoughts than your body.[2] 
Be clear about what you’re comfortable with to avoid confusion. Set physical boundaries early on. Be clear and explicit about what you are (and aren't) comfortable with.[3] It can be alarming if your physical limits come as a surprise to your partner in the "heat of the moment," so take the opportunity to be up-front before you start getting affectionate.[4] Also discuss what you’re comfortable with emotionally or how serious you’d like to get. 
Keep up with other aspects of your life while dating at the same time. Part of a slow relationship means not seeing each other every single day. Instead of hanging out all the time, plan dates a few times a week (or even less, if you’d prefer). That way, you can both live your lives outside of the relationship without dedicating all your time to it.[5] 
Plan chill outings to focus on having fun. Take time to go out, explore the world, and treat each other to small luxuries. Whatever you and your partner enjoy doing together is fair game. The good news is that there are many, many things to do that don't involve physical intimacy. Enjoy traditional dates like dinner and a movie, or get creative with dates like rock climbing.[6] 
Keep the spark alive by getting a little saucy with your partner. Just because you're taking things slow doesn't mean your relationship has to be boring. Keep things exciting by learning how to flirt and putting your knowledge into practice. With a little effort, your relationship can be a source of great passion, even if you're waiting to get intimate.[7] 
Form an emotional connection to make you more comfortable. [8] Ask them deep questions, like what makes them happy or what their long-term goals are. The more you can focus on your emotional connection, the more you’ll create a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. Try questions like: 
Slow things down by doing things without each other. Since you trust your partner to respect your pace for the relationship, trust your partner when they aren’t with you. Don't try to restrict your partner's time with friends, family, or other people who are important to them. Give your partner enough space to have some alone time when they want it.[9] Remember that respect is a two-way street. 
Focus on having fun instead of asking, “What are we?” Defining the relationship is definitely important, but it can speed up your partnership, especially early on. If you really want to take things slow, don’t give each other labels or call each other “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”[10] 
Meeting the family can put a lot of pressure on your relationship. While it might be convenient to visit your partner’s parents on a road trip or see their family on vacation, that doesn’t mesh with a relationship you’re trying to take slowly. There’s no specific timeline for how long you need to wait, but try to avoid meeting your partner’s family until you’re sure you want to be in a long-term, committed relationship with them.[11] 
Measure the strength of your relationship by how you feel, not physicality. The things you've done with your partner, especially when it comes to physical affection and sex, aren't measures of how "good" your relationship is. At this stage, the most important thing is how you and your partner feel. If you both enjoy each others' company, you're affectionate, and you have open, caring attitudes towards each other, you're doing fine.[12] 
Check in often with each other to make sure you’re both happy. Communication is vital to any relationship, but it's even more important when you're taking it slow.[13] Discuss the boundaries of your relationship often to make sure you’re both still comfortable with them. If there are any concerns from either side, talk things out and listen to each other respectfully.[14] 
Think about your relationship’s future so you can plan ahead. It's a good idea to have an idea of where you want your relationship to be eventually, even if you're not there yet. You can gradually work towards this goal, making week-by-week progress as you take small steps toward it.[16] If you don't have an end in mind for your relationship, it can be harder to justify your slow pace to a partner.[17] 
Comparing your relationship to others will only bring you down. Being in a relationship should make you feel good (most of the time). If you find yourself frequently stressing out about whether or not you should take things to the next level, relax. These changes will happen naturally after you've decided that you're ready and you have discussed them with your partner.[18] They aren't "checkboxes" to mark off as quickly as possible on the way to a "real" relationship.[19] 
Chloe Carmichael, PhD Licensed Clinical Psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.” 