How To Take The Perfect Dick Pic, According To Experts - Men's Health

“TO SEND OR not to send?” That is the question every guy should be asking themselves when it comes to dick pics. Because beyond the angles and the lighting and the just-right level of chub, what makes a dick pic “good” is that the person on the receiving end *actually* wants to see it.

“In a world with gender equality, a dick pic would be the same as any sexy photo,” says Suzannah Weiss, a marriage and family therapist, AASECT-certified sex educator, and resident sexologist for Fleshy. “Just another way to tease and turn on a partner and perhaps also receive some appreciation yourself.”

But that’s not the world women are sending and receiving nudes in. They’re already dealing with boundary-pushing from men through various forms of harassment including, yes, nonconsensual dick pics. In fact, more than half of millennial women in the U.S. have received a dick pic, Weiss says, but only a fraction actually asked for them. (FYI: Sending unsolicited nude photos is not only a form of sexual harassment, but in some states, it’s actually a criminal offense and punishable by law.)

So, perhaps it’s no surprise that a 2020 study confirmed what most women have been saying for years: They overwhelmingly dislike unsolicited dick pics.

But gay and bi men tend to respond to the same image differently. “In my work, dick pics can play so many roles,” says Ed Bell, a certified relationship coach and CEO of Better Gay Dating. “A way to flirt, ‘sell’ what someone has to offer physically, or just for sexual expression, without the risk or hassle of meeting in person. Sometimes, they are also a filter to see whether someone is as sexually open as you and interested in taking the connection in that direction.”

Generally speaking, gay men are less likely to feel physically threatened by receiving an unsolicited nude, says Bell, because they’re not dealing with the same male–female power dynamic that exist in straight dating.

Miami-based sexologist Mindy DeSeta, Ph.D., calls it a difference in “sexual scripts.” For many women, abrupt graphic images are more likely to feel jarring or invasive. For gay and bi men, explicit imagery is often considered a normal part of flirting or sexual exploration, and there’s less stigma around casual sexual communication.

OnlyFans creator and TV personality Remy Duran has lived the gender gap. Men are usually very clear in their excitement when asking for and receiving his nudes, while women rarely ask, and those who do are far more reserved in their responses. (For context, he says it’s a solid “15:1 ratio of men to women” who solicit his dick pics.)

That said, while it may feel like a “lower stakes” move to send another guy a nude, that doesn’t mean there’s no risk of crossing a line or getting shut down when an impromptu dick pic enters the chat. “Many GBTQ men do not like receiving genital pics, especially not right away,” says Court Vox, a certified somatic sex and intimacy coach in Los Angeles. “Some love it; some hate it. We have to stop generalizing ourselves so much and approach each person as they are: a unique individual.” And on that note...

What To Consider Before Taking A Dick Pic

BEFORE YOU EVEN think about aesthetics, it’s worth asking yourself why you want to send that dick pic in the first place.

“It really can vary, but urgency often plays a role—and urgency often overrides sensitivity,” Vox says. His favorite move is what he calls 'The Pause': Take a breath, and notice what’s actually driving you. Are you horny, looking for validation, hoping for a nude back, or just trying to feel powerful?

DeSeta hears all of that and more from clients. Some men are genuinely expressing desire, while others are chasing the thrill of doing something taboo. For some, it’s about exerting control or testing boundaries, especially if they haven’t given much thought to consent.

Many men also “place their personal value on their penis” and want to hear how big or impressive it is, says Tom Murray, Ph.D., an AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Greensboro, NC. When that desire for validation becomes the driving force, you’re more likely to push or pester someone past their comfort level.

None of those feelings makes you a monster. But if the real goal is to feel powerful, manipulate someone into sending a nude back, or patch over your own insecurities, the situation can feel more sinister than sexy. If what you’re really craving is connection or reassurance, Bell suggests thinking of nudes as just one way to seek that out, and choosing a different one instead, like sending a flirty text (keep it PG-13, please!) or making a plan to see each other in person.

How To Get Digital Consent For Your Dick Pic

Even if your motives aren’t the purest, you should still sext like a gentleman. That’s where digital consent comes in. “Digital consent needs to be even more clear-cut than consent in person,” says DeSeta. “[It] requires an intentional question and a clear ‘yes’ from the receiver.” So, if they haven’t explicitly said they want to see your penis, you don’t have consent.

Or, if you feel awkward asking someone, particularly a woman, if they want to see your dick, “wait to be asked,” says Vox. You may be waiting a long time (even forever), but if/when it does happen, you can feel confident knowing that the other person really wants to see your schlong.

Digital consent also matters when it comes to distribution, a.k.a. what the receiver does with your penis pic. Obviously, it's not okay for someone to share another person's nude with their friends sans consent, but it unfortunately does happen. So, before you hit “send,” it’s worth remembering that once a photo is out there, you lose control over it.

That’s simply the reality, says Murray, so snap and share accordingly. In fact, many queer men send headless nudes so they can’t easily be identified if someone shares them, Bell adds. Meanwhile, Duran has his own explicit photo philosophy: Take and send nudes as if they’re going to be leaked, and don’t send anything you’d be horrified to see again later.

Okay, You’re Still Sending One. How Do You Make It Not Terrible?

MOTIVES, CHECKED. Enthusiastic consent, received. Risk, accepted. Now, let’s talk about the actual photo.

Remy has seen the worst of the worst. His list of criminally-bad camera work includes bathroom shots over the toilet and the ultra-low “from the balls up” angle. “Some guys seem to think you just want to see the cock itself and not necessarily [the] most flattering and defining angles,” says Remy. “I don’t want to see ambiguous cock. I want to see how big, how long, how girthy.” Here are some of his simple suggested upgrades:

Lose the bathroom background, please.

No toilet, no dirty mirror, no mountain of laundry. When in doubt, don’t be lazy and get your ass on two feet. “Standing up is ideal,” says Duran. “Your body is fully extended, and there’s just less room for failure in that stance.”

Pick a flattering angle.

A point-of-view shot down your torso or a slight side angle in a mirror usually works better than a weird floor-level close-up.

Show the goods clearly.

This is not a Bigfoot sighting. Make sure someone can actually tell what they’re looking at. And hand placement is sort of important, says Duran, although the key to really getting your dick pic perfect is knowing your body and using it to your advantage.

“Got muscles? Flex! Maybe an arm up behind the head,” he explains. “Or just a solid hand by the side, but make it look natural. [It’s] very easy to get right.”

Think about hardness.

Remy’s pro move: “cocksmaxxing,” which means making sure your penis is in the proper erect state to get the exact look at peak form. Take the shot when you’re about “80 percent hard but coming down from 100 percent,” he says, when everything looks most defined.

And yes, the timing really does matter here. “Eighty percent hardness on its way up to 100 percent just doesn’t have the same look and definition as it does on the way down,” says Remy. “That way, it’s as vascular as possible.”

Ultimately, when taking a dick pic, here’s what you need to remember: to have enough self-awareness to know why you’re sending it, enough respect to ask before you show it, and enough maturity to handle whatever answer you get back.

Then, and only then, shall you go forth and send the dick pic that’s both wanted and worth looking at!

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Sean Abrams is the Senior Editor, Growth and Engagement at Men’s Health. He’s a former hip hop dancer who likes long walks on the beach and large glasses of tequila. You can find his previous work at Maxim, Elite Daily, and AskMen.