How To Talk To An Introvert In 15 Perfect Steps (for Extroverts)

1. Allow them to get accustomed to you.

No matter how eager you are to talk to an introvert, you can’t get past this step. Introverts are natural observers and take their time before venturing into any activity. How to encourage an introvert to talk to you is to make them comfortable around you. The best way to do this is by giving them time to know you.

If you want to talk to an introvert through social networking apps, the last thing you’d want to do is flooding them with messages. Take things slow and allow the introvert to know how to relate with you appropriately. This step is essentially how to talk to an introvert girl over text.

2. Make the environment comfortable.

There’s a science behind why introverts are quiet. They need less clamorous environments to tone down the level of stimulation happening in their minds. Therefore, if you try to communicate with an introvert in a noisy arena or at a sports game, they probably wouldn’t give you their best.

Talking to introverts demands paying maximum attention to the environment you’re in. Ensure it's quiet and calm, and that they are thoroughly comfortable.

P.S. Just because a place is quiet doesn’t mean a reserved person would be comfortable there. For example, a dark alley probably isn’t a location to chat. You might need to ask the introvert specifically if you can’t think of anywhere e.g. “Where’s your favorite location?”

3. Watch out for their energy surges.

Every individual has times when they’re enthusiastic about certain events, and other times when they’d rather be doing something else. This process is the same for introverts. If you’re wondering how to get an introvert to open up emotionally, you need to prioritize when they have energy influxes.

When an introvert has fully recharged, they’ll essentially have more dopamine release for chit-chats. However, when they’re drained, for example, after classes, they’ll probably just want to head home straightaway. Paying attention to when their energy levels are high is how to help an introvert open up.

Related: Am I Too Quiet? P.S. No, You’re Not. A How-To Guide to Using Your Introversion to Your Advantage

4. Think about insightful topics beforehand.

If you’re an extrovert girl wondering how to talk to an introvert guy, you need to bring up an introspective subject. Quiet people don’t loathe talking to others but simply dislike superficial conversations. If you start a discussion with small talk, they’re likely to get disinterested quickly.

On the contrary, talking about something they’re particularly interested in would certainly get their attention. You can start the conversation with, “What’s your favorite book?” or “Do you watch movies? If yes, what’s your favorite so far?” These questions will stir up interesting discussions, and therefore, should be how to talk to an introvert.

5. Learn to be comfortable with silence.

After making several attempts to get a quiet person to open up, don’t expect them to simply abide by your wishes. Even after asking insightful questions, an introvert might still give one-word responses. In such a scenario, it might not be you. It might still be them trying to get accustomed to the relationship.

Embracing their silence is a test every extrovert needs to pass. Don’t make a fuss about them being quiet, or try to force them to open up. Instead, give them space and re-strategize on how to get a quiet guy to open up.

6. Get better at listening.

If you’re an extrovert wondering how to start talking to someone again, particularly an introvert, then this step is crucial. As you will experience, introverts take their time to warm up to people. Therefore, when they eventually start speaking to you, you should cherish their words, because they hardly talk.

As an outgoing person, don't converse with them as you do with your other friends. Essentially, don’t cut them off while they're trying to communicate with you. This step is how to get introverts to open up to you even more. Therefore, ensure you improve your listening skills as much as possible.