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How to Turn a Girl On Download ArticleExplore this Article parts 1 Charming Her 2 Turning Up the Heat 3 Sealing the Deal 4 Driving Her Wild + Show 1 more... - Show less... Other Sections Expert Q&A Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Article Summary Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Last Updated: May 6, 2025 References
Download Article X
This article was co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 8,958,924 times.
Wondering what turns a girl on? Whether you're new to the game or just want to add some spice to your current routine, we're here to help you get your girl revved up and ready to go. It's actually easier and less mysterious than you might think. Read on for expert advice on the best turn-ons for girls.
Steps
Part 1 Part 1 of 4:
Charming Her
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1 Make her feel you find her attractive. You know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you find out that someone thinks you're good looking? That's what you want to create for her. The fact that you think she's lovely to look at is a significant turn-on. Here's how to communicate it without going overboard:
Say "Hey, pretty lady" or "Hello, beautiful" when you greet her. It's simple and short, but direct (and potentially patronising - use with caution).
Pay her a compliment.[1]X Expert Source Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFTLicensed Relationship TherapistExpert Interview Lower the volume and tone of your voice slightly, and say something like "You look amazing today" or "I love your eyes."
2 Be the best version of yourself. Be the person who's honestly kind, a person who respects her and thinks she's more beautiful than the most picturesque sunset. Be the person who works hard and makes it easier for her to work hard, by helping to shoulder her burdens.[2]X Expert Source Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFTLicensed Relationship TherapistExpert Interview This will all mostly keep you from turning her off![3]XResearch source
3 Be confident, even if you don't act like it. Some girls like a person who is nervous and even klutzy around her, but don't overdo it. If the girl is shy, be confident; if the girl is confident, feel free to act somewhat shy. Keep your shoulders straight and your chin high, and don't be afraid to look her in the eyes. You're communicating through your body language that you're strong, brave, and worthy of her attention.[4]XResearch source
4 Clean yourself up. Shower, put on deodorant, brush your teeth and wear clean clothes. If you're feeling up to it, you can also do your hair and put on a light spray of cologne or perfume. Knowing that you're at your physical best will help you act confident and in-charge.[5]X Trustworthy Source PubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
5 Know how to treat a girl like a lady. Save the dirty jokes and discussions of bodily functions for your friends. When you're with the girl you like, be polite. Use good table manners, hold the door open for her, and say please and thank you. Good manners aren't necessarily attractive, but bad manners are definitely unattractive, so play it safe.[6]XResearch source
6 Set the mood. Getting aroused is environmental and mental. Light candles, turn up the room's temperature, drink a little wine, play sexy music, or dim the lights. Setting the mood can turn both of you one and make all the difference.
Part 2 Part 2 of 4:
Turning Up the Heat
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1 Start with slow, friendly, gentle touches outside of the bedroom. You can do these in passing, at the end of a date, while you're watching a movie, whenever — the point is that they don't have to be saved for when you're already making out. They can, however, indicate that you're interested in doing a little more.[7]XResearch source
2 Whisper in her ear. Ears are an erogenous zone for all genders, and the light pressure of your breath will probably feel good. Saying the right things will also turn her on. Try something like: "I couldn't stop thinking about you today".[8]XResearch source
3 Touch her in and outside the bedroom. If you're fairly sure it will be welcomed, try touching her intimately. A few places to touch her include:
Her neck: You can gently run your thumb over her hairline if your arm is already around her shoulders, or offer to give her a neck rub. Keep your motions slow and light.[9]XResearch source
Her wrists: Lightly stroke the inside of her wrist or her palm. A few slow kisses on the inside of the wrist could work, too.[10]XResearch source
Her leg: This works only if you're both sitting down. Place your hand on her thigh or knee and let it rest there lightly. If she seems receptive, you can try slowly moving your thumb back and forth over her leg, keeping the rest of your hand where it is.[11]XResearch source
Her scalp: The scalp is a sensitive area for most people, and the light (repeat: light, not hard) tugging that comes from you playing with her hair will feel nice. Run your fingers through it, twirl it, or stroke it.[12]XResearch source
4 Warm your girl up. The key to turning a girl on is being patient. As fast as people usually get turned on, some ladies need about that much build up. This means that you'll have to lay a little ground work and take the seduction part nice and slow.[13]XResearch source
A huge part of warming her up, of course, is making her feel comfortable and safe. You're going to see a lot of steps below about respecting her, seeking consent, and otherwise doing things that you might not think of as "turn-ons". Don't neglect them, they're important.[14]X Expert Source Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFTLicensed Relationship TherapistExpert Interview Sex is very mental, as well as mutual, and if you help them by making it so that they don't have to worry, as well as understand what you mean, then that's half the battle.
Part 3 Part 3 of 4:
Sealing the Deal
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1 Ensure you have consent with anything you do. If you touch a girl without her consent, it is sexual assault. A simple "Is this OK?" or "Can I touch you here?" is enough. If she says yes enthusiastically, you're all clear; if she doesn't, stop immediately.[15]XResearch source
2 Talk dirty. Fantasy and thinking are important parts of arousal. Talking dirty can really help her. Be sure to ask if she's comfortable with dirty talk, as this can make some people uncomfortable.
3 Give her an amazing kiss. If it's done right, a kiss can be the most effective way of turning a girl on. Keep your breath fresh with some gum or mouthwash and keep your lips loose. Tight, puckered lips is how you kiss your grandma! You should also keep the tongue action delicate (at first). The motions should be light, soft and alternate between fast and slow.[16]XResearch source
Know where to put your hands. The back of her neck, the sides of her face, or around her waist are all good areas for your hands to rest during a kiss.
4 Tell her what you want. Many girls are way more sexual than you, potentially. Give them credit for that and there's nothing wrong with telling them how much you want them (once you've gotten your foot in the door a bit). This actually turns them on! Think about it: you feel turned on when you feel desirable too. Don't be really gross about it but don't be afraid to tell them how sexy you think they are and how you can't wait to get them in bed. Emily Morse, Author & Sex Therapist
Prioritize finding out what works for you. "The best thing you can do for your sexual confidence is taking the time to learn what feels good for your body."
5 Focus on more intimate erogenous zones. If you tried some of the suggestions above and she seemed receptive, here are some more intimate areas you can work with, using light touches and soft, slow kisses.[17]XResearch source
Neck, throat, collarbones and shoulders
Feet and ankles
The small of her back (toward the bottom of the spine)
Back of the knees
Navel / belly button
Inner thighs
Ears
The inside of her upper arm
Part 4 Part 4 of 4:
Driving Her Wild
Download Article
1 Pay attention to lubrication. Friction can cause skin to become sensitive or even painful. Low friction also increases pleasure. Consider getting a quality, water-soluble lubricant to keep everything slick and sexy-feeling if you plan on some prolonged fun times, but, for lots of people (certainly not all) additional lubrication mostly required if they are turned on, but it definitely doesn't hurt. Replacement water-based lubricants are important in place of, or addition to, natural lubricant.[18]XResearch source
2 Use some variety. If you find an area where she likes to be touched, don't overuse it. Instead, back away from it for a while and slowly make your way back, touching everything around and up to it. The anticipation will make it more intense when you finally do touch her.
3 Leave her wanting more. Leaving before the other person gets bored is a good rule for most social interactions, but it's particularly important here. If you break off contact while she's still interested, you'll be on her mind constantly.
4 Take your time. When you get in bed, start making out and rip each other's clothes off. Go slowly and take your time--this is especially important if your partner needs more time to get aroused. Tease each other and go slowly.
5 Introduce a bit of kink. If you two are okay with this, try adding a bit of kink to the mix. You don't have to go wild, but a blindfold or tying her hands back with a silk scarf can force her to focus on what she's feeling and turn things up a notch.
6 Learn some anatomy. If you really want to get serious, one of the better ways to physically turn her on is to understand their anatomy. Get a good primer on her anatomy from reliable sources and start experimenting if she's okay with it.
7 Master different types of kisses. The neck and inner thighs tend to be the obvious spots. If you want to get her writhing, trail some kisses along the side of her ribs (that spot that's so easy to tickle), the curve of her stomach just past where her abs are, and the protruding bit of her hip bone, usually found just above or just below the waistband. If you feel daring, move under her waistband and perform cunnilingus. Done right, this will drive her crazy!
If you're having trouble turning her on, try communicating with her about her wants and desires. You can get expert help with wikiHow’s course: How to Talk about Sex (Without Feeling Awkward). This course is created by a Sex and Relationship Psychologist, and it will walk you through how to talk to your partner about kissing, sex, and other intimate activities.
If you're trying to turn on your girlfriend and suspect that she might be faking her pleasure, try to talk to her about it directly. Keep in mind that she's not trying to trick you, she's probably just trying spare your feelings.
Reader Poll: We asked 2188 wikiHow readers and 47% of them believe that the main reason women fake orgasms is to make their partner feel good about their performance. [Take Poll]
Attract Girls and Win Their Hearts with this Expert Series
Attracting girls and turning them on doesn't have to be hard. Learn how with these expert articles, hand-picked from our dating coaches and relationship experts. 1 Show a Girl You Like Her 2 Be the Guy Every Girl Wants 3 Create Sexual Tension 4 Win a Woman's Heart 5 Turn a Girl On 6 Know a Girl's Feelings
Expert Q&A
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Question How can I know that someone is attracted to me? Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT Licensed Relationship Therapist Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT Licensed Relationship Therapist Expert Answer If a person is interested in you, they may be overly curious about you. They may give you extra attention in the presence of other people and offer you many compliments. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 120 Helpful 293
Question What can a man do to be more romantic? Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT Licensed Relationship Therapist Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT Licensed Relationship Therapist Expert Answer He can do little things to show that he cares for her. He can share her work without her asking. For example, he can get flowers for her or do the laundry, or cook for her even though she has not asked him to do it. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 129 Helpful 216
Question What should I do to turn my girl on? Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT Licensed Relationship Therapist Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT Licensed Relationship Therapist Expert Answer You should talk to the girl and find out what she likes and understand her sexual needs. Then go ahead and do the things that can arouse her. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 102 Helpful 263
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Tips
Hug her from behind. You get your hands on her waist, and it turns her on. Thanks Helpful 10 Not Helpful 0
While making out, try to slightly move your head back making her lean in, in a playful teasing way. (This will work well if at least one of the both of you are holding each other). Thanks Helpful 5 Not Helpful 0
Hug her from behind and lay your head on her shoulder. Thanks Helpful 16 Not Helpful 0
Show More Tips Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Warnings
If she does not respond, stop and ask her what's wrong. Unless she gives a clear "yes", assume it is a "no". Thanks Helpful 790 Not Helpful 90
If she says no, then stop. Thanks Helpful 919 Not Helpful 127
If she is drunk or asleep, she cannot give consent and taking advantage of her would be sexual assault. Thanks Helpful 493 Not Helpful 72
When performing cunnilingus, always get consent and wear a dental dam to prevent the spread of STDs or STIs. Thanks Helpful 275 Not Helpful 72
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Co-authored by: Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT Licensed Relationship Therapist This article was co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. This article has been viewed 8,958,924 times. 764 votes - 68% Co-authors: 295Updated: May 6, 2025 Views: 8,958,924 Categories: Featured Articles | DatingArticle SummaryX
To turn a girl on, let her know that you find her attractive with simple compliments, like “Hey, pretty lady,” or “Hello, beautiful.” During your date or time together, give her gentle touches, like brushing her hair from her face, to show that you’re interested in going further. You can also tell her how interested you by whispering in her ear something like “I couldn’t stop thinking about you today.” If she’s interested too, you can hold her hand, touch her leg, or move in for a kiss. As things heat up, try some light touches or soft kisses on her neck, ankles, or ears, and watch her reactions. When you find a spot she likes, back away from it for a while and slowly work your way back to tease her a little. To learn how to leave her wanting more, keep reading!Did this summary help you?YesNo
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"It gave me more caution points and things I have forgotten. We hugged last week after our meeting. I really hugged her, and I felt she hugged me. I felt this glow inside of me that I haven felt for many years. I'm older that she is, and I have been really up and down since our last meeting."..." more Rated this article:
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Download Article Explore this Article parts 1 Charming Her 2 Turning Up the Heat 3 Sealing the Deal 4 Driving Her Wild + Show 1 more... - Show less... Other Sections Expert Q&A Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Article Summary Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT 
Co-authored by: Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT Licensed Relationship Therapist This article was co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. This article has been viewed 8,958,924 times. 764 votes - 68% Co-authors: 295 Updated: May 6, 2025 Views: 8,958,924 Categories: Featured Articles | Dating Article SummaryX
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1 Make her feel you find her attractive. You know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you find out that someone thinks you're good looking? That's what you want to create for her. The fact that you think she's lovely to look at is a significant turn-on. Here's how to communicate it without going overboard: 
2 Be the best version of yourself. Be the person who's honestly kind, a person who respects her and thinks she's more beautiful than the most picturesque sunset. Be the person who works hard and makes it easier for her to work hard, by helping to shoulder her burdens.[2] This will all mostly keep you from turning her off![3] 
3 Be confident, even if you don't act like it. Some girls like a person who is nervous and even klutzy around her, but don't overdo it. If the girl is shy, be confident; if the girl is confident, feel free to act somewhat shy. Keep your shoulders straight and your chin high, and don't be afraid to look her in the eyes. You're communicating through your body language that you're strong, brave, and worthy of her attention.[4] 
4 Clean yourself up. Shower, put on deodorant, brush your teeth and wear clean clothes. If you're feeling up to it, you can also do your hair and put on a light spray of cologne or perfume. Knowing that you're at your physical best will help you act confident and in-charge.[5] 
5 Know how to treat a girl like a lady. Save the dirty jokes and discussions of bodily functions for your friends. When you're with the girl you like, be polite. Use good table manners, hold the door open for her, and say please and thank you. Good manners aren't necessarily attractive, but bad manners are definitely unattractive, so play it safe.[6] 
6 Set the mood. Getting aroused is environmental and mental. Light candles, turn up the room's temperature, drink a little wine, play sexy music, or dim the lights. Setting the mood can turn both of you one and make all the difference. 
1 Start with slow, friendly, gentle touches outside of the bedroom. You can do these in passing, at the end of a date, while you're watching a movie, whenever — the point is that they don't have to be saved for when you're already making out. They can, however, indicate that you're interested in doing a little more.[7] 
2 Whisper in her ear. Ears are an erogenous zone for all genders, and the light pressure of your breath will probably feel good. Saying the right things will also turn her on. Try something like: "I couldn't stop thinking about you today".[8] 
3 Touch her in and outside the bedroom. If you're fairly sure it will be welcomed, try touching her intimately. A few places to touch her include: 
4 Warm your girl up. The key to turning a girl on is being patient. As fast as people usually get turned on, some ladies need about that much build up. This means that you'll have to lay a little ground work and take the seduction part nice and slow.[13] 
1 Ensure you have consent with anything you do. If you touch a girl without her consent, it is sexual assault. A simple "Is this OK?" or "Can I touch you here?" is enough. If she says yes enthusiastically, you're all clear; if she doesn't, stop immediately.[15] 
2 Talk dirty. Fantasy and thinking are important parts of arousal. Talking dirty can really help her. Be sure to ask if she's comfortable with dirty talk, as this can make some people uncomfortable. 
3 Give her an amazing kiss. If it's done right, a kiss can be the most effective way of turning a girl on. Keep your breath fresh with some gum or mouthwash and keep your lips loose. Tight, puckered lips is how you kiss your grandma! You should also keep the tongue action delicate (at first). The motions should be light, soft and alternate between fast and slow.[16] 
4 Tell her what you want. Many girls are way more sexual than you, potentially. Give them credit for that and there's nothing wrong with telling them how much you want them (once you've gotten your foot in the door a bit). This actually turns them on! Think about it: you feel turned on when you feel desirable too. Don't be really gross about it but don't be afraid to tell them how sexy you think they are and how you can't wait to get them in bed. 
Emily Morse, Author & Sex Therapist 
5 Focus on more intimate erogenous zones. If you tried some of the suggestions above and she seemed receptive, here are some more intimate areas you can work with, using light touches and soft, slow kisses.[17] 
1 Pay attention to lubrication. Friction can cause skin to become sensitive or even painful. Low friction also increases pleasure. Consider getting a quality, water-soluble lubricant to keep everything slick and sexy-feeling if you plan on some prolonged fun times, but, for lots of people (certainly not all) additional lubrication mostly required if they are turned on, but it definitely doesn't hurt. Replacement water-based lubricants are important in place of, or addition to, natural lubricant.[18] 
2 Use some variety. If you find an area where she likes to be touched, don't overuse it. Instead, back away from it for a while and slowly make your way back, touching everything around and up to it. The anticipation will make it more intense when you finally do touch her. 
3 Leave her wanting more. Leaving before the other person gets bored is a good rule for most social interactions, but it's particularly important here. If you break off contact while she's still interested, you'll be on her mind constantly. 
4 Take your time. When you get in bed, start making out and rip each other's clothes off. Go slowly and take your time--this is especially important if your partner needs more time to get aroused. Tease each other and go slowly. 
5 Introduce a bit of kink. If you two are okay with this, try adding a bit of kink to the mix. You don't have to go wild, but a blindfold or tying her hands back with a silk scarf can force her to focus on what she's feeling and turn things up a notch. 
6 Learn some anatomy. If you really want to get serious, one of the better ways to physically turn her on is to understand their anatomy. Get a good primer on her anatomy from reliable sources and start experimenting if she's okay with it. 
7 Master different types of kisses. The neck and inner thighs tend to be the obvious spots. If you want to get her writhing, trail some kisses along the side of her ribs (that spot that's so easy to tickle), the curve of her stomach just past where her abs are, and the protruding bit of her hip bone, usually found just above or just below the waistband. If you feel daring, move under her waistband and perform cunnilingus. Done right, this will drive her crazy! 
Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT Licensed Relationship Therapist Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.