I Feel Like I Hate My Kids: Am I A Bad Parent? - BetterHelp

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Why Do I Feel Like I Hate My Kids? Navigating ParentingMedically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSWUpdated February 2nd, 2026 by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Key takeaways

• Feeling intense frustration or even “hate” toward your kids is usually a sign of overwhelm, not a reflection of your character as a parent.
• Recognizing, validating, and understanding your emotions can help you cope more effectively and prevent guilt or shame from worsening the situation.
• Setting realistic expectations, establishing boundaries, staying open with your child, and seeking therapy can improve emotional well-being and parenting confidence.

Content warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that could be triggering to the reader. Please see our Get Help Now page for more immediate resources.

Some people may believe they hate their own kids, although this decision can be difficult to come to. If you find yourself thinking, “I hate my kids,” these feelings may be a sign of overwhelm or frustration and are typically temporary, yet they can be powerful and intense. If you experience these thoughts coupled with intense anger or distress at times, it may help to understand the source of these emotions so that you can better cope with them and focus on nurturing relationships with your kids.

Whether you’re a mother or a father, you may feel guilty or think that you’re a bad parent for how you're feeling. However, addressing this concern can be a sign of strength, indicating that you're brave enough to face your emotions and thoughts to understand why they're arising. Below, examine the possible sources of any potential negative emotions you’re experiencing as a parent and look at possible ways to reduce emotional intensity and reframe your beliefs. 

Possible reasons for negative emotions toward your kids

Child rearing can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience, but it can also present significant challenges. In some cases, negative emotions, like hate, toward your kids can creep in when raising them. Try to acknowledge these emotions without judgment and work through them in a healthy manner. Below are some possible explanations for the negative emotions, such as hate, that parents may sometimes feel toward their children.

Parental stress, which can potentially cause you to think, "I hate my kids"

Stress and burnout may cause you to believe you dislike or hate your kids. Chronic stress can have a debilitating effect on your health, worsening negative feelings like hate, and potentially reducing your ability to cope. As fatigue and frustration build up, it can be challenging to put aside feelings of hate or anger and focus on being the parent to your kids that you want to be. If you are stressed, you may feel that you are a terrible parent for believing you hate your child. You may also hate being a mom, dad, or other kind of parent, or believe you dislike your kid for putting you through this kind of stress. Addressing the root of your stress may alleviate these feelings, and thinking "I hate my kid" does not automatically make you a bad parent. If your behaviors are loving, kind, and healthy, these thoughts don’t have to reflect your reality.

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High expectations

Parents often have high expectations and experience societal pressure from others on how they “should” parent. They may want to be the best parents they can be while juggling other responsibilities. A lack of time and resources to meet expectations can lead parents to become overly critical and impatient with their children. These expectations, when not honestly addressed, can sometimes create resentment, guilt, hatred, and a lack of motivation or enthusiasm when it comes to parenting.

Childhood behavioral challenges and how a kid acts in different developmental phases

The behavioral challenges of kids, particularly during what some parents might call “the annoying age” (though each parent has a unique perspective on the most annoying age of kids), can also contribute to feelings of frustration, hate, and anger. Reacting to a tantrum or managing your child’s behavior and defiance can seem like a never-ending cycle, leaving you overwhelmed, even when you love your kids.

Additionally, developmental stages can significantly impact parent-child interactions. As children grow and change, parents may adjust their parenting styles to meet their children's evolving needs. You may adjust your approach to handling your child's behavior at various times. The constant transitioning is normal, but it can be exhausting, leaving parents angry or causing resentment and making them believe they aren’t doing an adequate job, even when they’re doing the best they can.

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Mental health concerns or past trauma of parents

The effects of any past trauma experienced by a parent can also influence parent-child relationships, as a severe traumatic event may be the most psychologically damaging aspect of interpersonal relationships. If you experienced abuse, severe hate, or neglect as a kid, connecting with your kids may be difficult, sometimes making you openly acknowledge your struggle to spend quality time with your kids. Recent research indicates childhood maltreatment can affect adaptive parental behavior. The dysregulation a person experiences may negatively affect their behavior, leading them to feel hatred or act in ways that may be harmful to their kids. 

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7. If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.These challenges can be common among parents, and you are not alone. There are numerous ways to receive support, including through support groups and online therapy with a mental health professional who has experience helping adults gently heal from trauma experienced as a kid. Understanding your feelings and working through them can help you become a better parent and foster a healthy connection with your kids. This process can take time, but it’s often worth it.

Recognizing and processing your emotions when you feel you hate children

Culture can influence parental perceptions of what a "perfect" family looks like, creating unrealistic expectations and leading to thoughts of inadequacy. In addition, the pressure to meet these idealized standards can lead to frustration and self-criticism, thereby preventing people from recognizing their parental strengths and achievements.

In such instances, taking a step back and recognizing your emotions may be helpful. For example: 

• Identify triggers: Identifying the events that incite emotions such as hate might help you understand how to manage them more effectively. 
• Practice emotional awareness: Being mindful of the people, events, and conditions that intensify these feelings can help you spot them early and take steps to cope.
• Validate your emotions: You may believe it’s wrong to express negative emotions around your kids, but acknowledging them can lessen their intensity. Hearing other parents’ perspectives can also reduce isolation and help you find constructive solutions.

How do you know when a symptom is becoming unmanageable?

Paying regular attention to your feelings and being honest with yourself about their nature might make it easier to recognize when they are escalating. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a situation, it may help to:

• Take a step back from parenting, even momentarily
• Practice taking deep breathes
• Try observing your emotions without judgement

These strategies might help you be calmer and more prepared to handle the situation.

Practicing self-care to assist with parenting

You might find that an act of self-care can go a long way toward preserving your emotional well-being. Taking time for yourself may help you manage stress from daily life and remain focused on the positive aspects of parenting, including your particular strengths as a parent. Practicing relaxation techniques like meditating, deep breathing, or walking may help calm your mind and body.

Some self-care techniques include:

• Mind–body practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or gentle stretching
• Restorative activities like taking a quiet walk, reading, or spending time outdoors
• Intentional breaks that allow you to pause, reset, and return to parenting with a clearer mind

While parenting can sometimes be difficult, the growth and development that individuals experience as parents can be enriching. It’s normal and common to make mistakes and feel inadequate—many people do. However, by prioritizing your emotional well-being, you may find that you can skillfully handle your emotions and be the parent you want to be.

How to build a stronger relationship with your child

Building a stronger parent-kid relationship is an endeavor that can take time and effort. This bond can provide a sense of joy and fulfillment for both parent and child, but you might wonder how to cultivate it and allow it to flourish.

Be realistic with your expectations and stress

Setting realistic expectations for yourself and your children, just as you approach other aspects of life, may be a great place to start. Parenting sometimes involves trade-offs, so it may help to not expect too much from yourself or your kid. Having reasonable expectations can help you manage stress levels and make progress toward your goals without being too hard on yourself or your child.

Set boundaries to avoid the thought that you hate children 

Establishing and maintaining boundaries may also be helpful. When boundaries are consistently enforced, they can foster trust and respect between parents and their kids. Setting boundaries often requires parents to remain calm and use a soft tone to show their children they’re approachable and open to discussion. Still, parents may want to assess the child’s perspective and the context of their actions. By taking the whole situation into account, parents can maintain honesty and a willingness to spend time helping their child realize the importance of boundaries.

Maintain open lines of communication with your child

Good parents understand the importance of communication, and open communication between parents and their children can be another key component in building a strong relationship. Encouraging conversations about complex topics might provide an outlet for kids to express their feelings. Additionally, practicing empathy and understanding in your communication can help your child feel more supported and connected.

Seek professional support with parenting

Parenting isn't always easy. Some parents may find a licensed counselor helpful. Whether you need a listening ear or require additional support, you may find that therapy offers guidance while helping you grow as both a parent and an individual. If you don’t have time to travel to a therapist’s office, you might consider online therapy, which numerous studies have shown to be effective. 

Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp can provide a safe, non-judgmental space to explore and process your thoughts and feelings while learning better strategies to manage stress as a parent. With an online therapy platform, you can connect with a licensed therapist via audio or video chat at a time that works for you. Additionally, you can contact them day or night via in-app messaging, and they’ll respond as soon as possible.

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Cognitive-behavioral therapy for navigating parent-child relationships

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a form of psychotherapy often utilized in online therapy sessions, has been demonstrated to be effective for a variety of challenges. CBT often involves recognizing and challenging distorted thought patterns, which may reduce anxiety, resolve conflicts, and build resilience. The core principles of CBT tend to focus on the importance of challenging negative thoughts to improve emotional control, relationships, and overall mental health. As you develop these skills, you may find that you experience more positive thoughts and belief in your ability as a parent. CBT can be as effective online as it is in person. 

Takeaway

If you sometimes experience a sense of overwhelm or believe you hate your kids, you are not alone. Many parents experience these feelings, and therapy may provide you with new tools and strategies to manage your stress level and foster a more fulfilling relationship with your kids. Consider connecting with a therapist online or in your area to get started.  Read moreFrequently asked questionsRead more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

What do you do when you hate your kid?

If you hate your child, consider reaching out for help. Talk to someone you trust. You don’t have to tell them you’re feeling hatred, but you can ask them how you can better connect with your children. If you don’t trust someone in your life, consider talking to a therapist or joining a support group. Other parents may feel similarly to you, and discussing your concerns with them can help you both find support. 

Is it normal to not like your own kid?

You may not like your child, as your personalities may clash, and they may have behavioral issues or other concerns that cause you stress. However, there may be an underlying cause for these feelings or thoughts that can be helpful to work through with a professional. If you experience deep hatred for your child, these feelings might be a sign of trauma or another concern. 

Why would a mother hate her kid?

There are many reasons parents may have distressing thoughts about their children. In some cases, conflict is the cause. In others, behavioral issues, stress, or overwhelming feelings might be at play. Either way, mothers or other parents experiencing these challenges might want to seek support to fully understand their feelings and not allow them to turn into behaviors that hurt their child. 

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