It's OK For Men To Cry | Psych Central

Maybe your like

Psych CentralSubscribeWhy It’s Healthy for Men to Cry

Medically reviewed by Matthew Boland, PhD — Written by Sian Ferguson — Updated on February 24, 2022

Social views
Why crying is healthy
Effects of not crying
Getting help
Recap

Outdated attitudes like “big boys don’t cry” encourage men and boys to hide their tears. But crying can be healing — and necessary — for all genders.

Young Black man crying in support group — Getty Images/Klaus Vedfelt

In many cultures around the world, it’s considered taboo for men to cry, especially in public. Many people still believe men should be stoic and show little to no emotion.

As a result of this stigma, many men feel that it’s not okay to cry. They might hide their emotions, choosing only to cry in private, or not at all.

Suppressing your emotions — including hiding your tears — can be unhealthy.

Mental health stigma affects people of all genders, but men may be less likely to access mental health care due to stigma. Men may also be more likely to die by suicide.

It’s okay for men to cry. Crying can be a healthy way to process your emotions, and it can have a range of emotional and physical benefits. Hiding your emotions can make it harder to cope with your feelings and seek support.

Social views on guys crying

Social responses to men crying can vary from culture to culture, but they’ve also changed over time.

As a 2015 Aeon essay points out, history is full of weeping men. In fact, in some cases, crying was seen as noble. From medieval knights to the soldiers in Homer’s “Iliad” to the samurai in the Japanese epic “The Tale of the Heike,” crying was associated with strength and virtue. Even in major religious texts, prophets were frequently depicted as weeping.

Changing masculinity

It’s not entirely clear what changed our attitudes toward men crying. But for a while, stoicism was — and arguably still is — seen as important to masculinity, while crying and emotional vulnerability are associated with femininity.

More recently, with the beginning of fourth-wave feminism and increasing discourse around toxic masculinity and mental health stigma, many people are starting to believe that it should be acceptable for men to cry.

Men and mental health stigma

Increased mental health awareness has also contributed to this shift. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) reports that more than 6 million men are affected by depression in the United States every year.

Men are also two to three times more likely to have a substance use disorder when compared with women, and suicide is a leading cause of death among men.

It’s clear that men need access to more mental health support — which may start with society accepting and supporting men when they cry.

Why crying is healthy

Tears have a very important function in your body. There are three different kinds of tears:

Basal tears: continuously produced by your tear ducts to keep your eyes lubricated and healthy
Reflex tears: released to clear your eyes of irritants, like debris and smoke
Emotional tears: flush stress hormones and toxins out of the body

The composition of your tears depends on which type of tear you’re releasing. According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, emotional tears can contain higher levels of adrenocorticotropic hormones, which stimulate the release of cortisol — the “stress hormone” — in your body.

As a 2014 review points out, crying can be considered a self-soothing behavior. Crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which puts you in a “rest and digest” mode, helping your body relax after a time of stress.

When you’re not suppressing your emotions, you’re giving yourself the chance to feel them. This means you’re getting the opportunity to process your emotions, whether it’s a positive emotion or a negative one.

There may be a good reason why people often cry after experiencing pain. The same 2014 review indicates that crying releases oxytocin and endorphins. These hormones can soothe pain and lift your mood, helping you feel better.

Effects of not crying

If you’re somebody who tends to hide or dismiss your own negative emotions out of self-preservation, you might have what experts call a “repressive coping style.” Repressive coping can have negative consequences.

A 2012 literature review linked repressive coping with health conditions, such as:

cancer
cardiovascular diseases, including hypertension (high blood pressure)
lower immune system function

A 2013 study linked repressing emotions with a range of physiological illnesses. And yet, another 2018 review links “emotional inhibition” with depression, stress, and more, especially in people with personality disorders.

In one 2018 study, researchers looked at 475 people who had reportedly lost the ability to cry. Of those non-criers, 46.1% felt that not being able to cry affected them negatively. Those who were unable to cry reported feeling less:

social connection
social support
empathy

Getting help

If you’ve been taught to suppress your emotions, it is possible to learn to deal with them in a healthier, more constructive way.

Working with a therapist can help you learn how to positively cope with tough emotions and teach you strategies for healthy emotional regulation.

Let’s recap

Many people believe that men shouldn’t cry, or that they should hide their emotions. But in truth, crying can be healthy and beneficial at times, no matter your gender.

Crying has a number of health benefits. Research suggests crying can soothe you, lift your mood, and even reduce pain.

On the other hand, suppressing your emotions can have negative physical, emotional, and social effects.

If you have difficulty crying, or if you tend to repress your emotions, therapy can help. You can take a look at our guide to finding a therapist, including low cost and free mental health support.

Masculinity resources

Books like “Boys Don’t Cry: Why I Hid My Depression and Why Men Need to Talk About Their Mental Health” by Tim Grayburn and “Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity” by Justin Baldoni can be great resources to help you learn more about men, masculinity, and mental health.

Plus, you can check out these podcasts on men’s mental health:

“Detoxicity: By Men, About Men, for Everyone” — listen on Spotify and iTunes
“ManUp! UK Men’s Mental Health Podcast” — listen on Spotify and iTunes
“Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris” — listen on Spotify and iTunes
“Brobriety: Sobriety, Mental Health, and Wellness for Men” — listen on Spotify and iTunes

13 sourcescollapsed

Chapman BP, et al. (2013). Emotion suppression and mortality risk over a 12-year follow-up.https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022399913003036?casa_token=Ov2aCtQs6xYAAAAA:t_Jp4t51cdE63w0uedkRKLnuPPfe2hEMNxJpJ2xHAwwBzDa5qKNwW0g_UqZr2oHV5ogpq2g-gQ
Dimaggio G, et al. (2018). The problem of overcontrol: Perfectionism, emotional inhibition, and personality disorders.https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0010440X18300555
Gračanin A, et al. (2014). Is crying a self-soothing behavior?https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4035568/
Hamilton E, et al. (2015). Gender differences in suicide prevention responses: Implications for adolescents based on an illustrative review of the literature.https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/12/3/2359
Hesdorffer DC, et al. (2018). Social and psychological consequences of not crying: Possible associations with psychopathology and therapeutic relevance.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28831948/
Men and depression. (n.d.).https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/men-and-mental-health/men-and-depression
Millings A, et al. (2016). Holding back the tears: Individual differences in adult crying proneness reflect attachment orientation and attitudes to crying.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4934120/
Mukamal R. (2017). All about emotional tears.https://www.aao.org/eye-health/tips-prevention/all-about-emotional-tears
Mund M, et al. (2012). The costs of repression: A meta-analysis on the relation between repressive coping and somatic diseases.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22081940/
Schrijvers DL, et al. (2012). The gender paradox in suicidal behavior and its impact on the suicidal process.https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032711001492?via%3Dihub
Sex and gender differences in substance use. (2020).https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/substance-use-in-women/sex-gender-differences-in-substance-use
Vingerhoets AJJM, et al. (2016). The social impact of emotional tears.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4882350/
Wirth JH, et al. (2009). The role of gender in mental-illness stigma: A national experiment.https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02282.x?url_ver=Z39.88-2003&

FEEDBACK:

Medically reviewed by Matthew Boland, PhD — Written by Sian Ferguson — Updated on February 24, 2022

The Science of Tears
Toxic Masculinity: What It Is and 3 Tips to Deal with It
Why 'Man Up' Can Be a Dangerous Philosophy for Men With Anxiety
Midlife Crises Affecting Men and Families
Signs and Symptoms of PTSD in Men

It's OK For Men To Cry | Psych Central

Featured

Articles

Wellness Topics

Original Series

News & Events

Podcasts

Conditions

Lifestyle

Treatment & Support

Social views on guys crying

Changing masculinity

Men and mental health stigma

Why crying is healthy

Effects of not crying

Getting help

Let’s recap

Masculinity resources

RELATED

Read this next

Why Men Find It So Hard To Cry - New York Post

Why Don't I Ever See Men Crying? - Quora

WHY MEN DON'T CRY - Helen Fisher, PhD

Here's Why Men Do Not Cry, And There Is A Physical Reason

Fears For Tears: Why Do We Tell Boys Not To Cry? - The Irish Times

Once More, With Feeling: What Is Driving Men To Tears? | The Journal

Men DON'T Cry As Much As Women – But It's Not For The Reason You ...

Why Do Some People Say Boys Shouldn't Cry? - CBBC Newsround

“Boys Don't Cry” — How Stereotypes Of Masculinity Harm Boys And Men

Why Don't Men Cry? | Special Issue - The Link – Concordia's

Do Men Have More Trouble Crying Than Women? - The Jerusalem Post

“Guys Don't Cry” – The Myths & Truths - Ditch The Label

Dear Men, Every Time We Told You That Boys Don't Cry ... - Wellcurve

Why Men Should Not Cry Is A Bullshit | By Nisar Fatima - Medium

Contact