My Partner Is So Uncaring - BabyCentre UK

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Your emotional health in pregnancy

My partner is so uncaring

Reviewed by Lorna Marsh, Freelance editor

Written by Francesca Whiting | 22 Dec 2022 Couple arguing

Photo credit: iStock.com / PeopleImagesPaula says: "I'm 24 weeks pregnant and my partner upsets me all the time. I was ill last week and he was off work. He didn't attempt to look after me and left me home alone. He said that he wasn't spending a day off sitting indoors with me looking so miserable. He tells me he loves me, but never, ever shows it. What should I do?"

Talk it through

"He may be feeling responsible for putting you in this position in the first place. Let him know how you are feeling. Tell him how excited you are to be pregnant. This is just a temporary change for both of you. By working on your relationship now, things will be easier when your baby is born. Reassure him that you have so much to look forward to, but you need him to be more sensitive." Kim "Some partners find it hard when their partner is pregnant. Things change much more for you than they do for them. He may just be feeling like he's out of the loop. It might be worth sitting down with him and explaining how you are feeling. Give him the opportunity to be open with you. He needs to accept that you need his support." Jessica Advertisement | page continues below "You need to sit down and discuss why he's acting like this. He could be acting out for attention, because he's afraid he will be forgotten when the baby is born. He could be frightened that he will be a bad parent. He may be scared that your relationship will suffer when the baby arrives. There are so many different reasons. The best thing to do is try and get to the bottom of it." Carina

Widen your support network

"Having just made it through the first year with my first baby, I would strongly recommend building your own wide support base. Then, when you're not getting support from your partner, you have plenty of others who can provide it. Just remember, your partner's behaviour is a reflection of them, not of you." Vicky

Be assertive

"Tell him that you do need love and affection. And your baby is going to need a loving and supportive parent. He can either step up to the task or be left out." Hilary "Talk to him about it assertively. Don't let him talk over you, because he will try to put you down and tell you it's your fault. Make sure he listens to you and make him realise that you can't do this alone. It's his baby too." Ava

Focus on yourself

"I'm 24 weeks too and have the same problem with my partner. They're moodier than I am. They expect me to carry their burdens as well as my pregnancy worries. For my baby's sake and my own, I have decided to focus on me. I don't take their load any more. When they speak about their problems, I listen but don't dwell on them. I engage in things that make me happy without them." Shahina "I've found keeping a journal helps. Transfer your feelings and concerns onto paper or your laptop. It helps to view everything from a different perspective. It may even help you find some solutions. If all else fails, allow him to read your interpretation of the way he is behaving and ask him to place himself in your shoes. You did not get pregnant on your own and he has to support you when you need it most." Kat

Work through it together

"He's probably just struggling to cope with the changes that are happening. He may not know how to support you or perhaps feels he can't. If he was lovely before, then you need to remind yourself that this isn't the real him. Remember that you are probably acting differently too. He may be struggling with the change in your behaviour as much as you are with his. See what you could both do to make the situation better." Annabel Advertisement | page continues below "Was this a good relationship before? If not, chances are that having a baby will only put more strain on it. Think about whether or not you want to continue in this relationship. If you do, contact a counsellor to get things out in the open and sorted out." BillieWas this article helpful?

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Francesca Whiting

Francesca Whiting is digital content executive at BabyCentre. She’s responsible for making sure BabyCentre’s health content is accurate, helpful and easy to understand.

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