Orgasm Anxiety: Causes, Treatments & How To Cope

Orgasm Anxiety Statistics

While there are no statistics for orgasm anxiety a unique diagnosis, we can gain a sense of how prevalent orgasm anxiety is by looking at statistics for related issues:

• Female Orgasmic Disorder (FOD) is present in approximately 26% of premenopausal women.5
• 10-15% of women report never having had an orgasm.6
• According to a 2018 meta-analysis, only 18% of women report having an orgasm from intercourse alone and 36% of those women require additional clitoral stimulation to reach climax.7
• Erectile Dysfunction (ED) occurs in 18% of men over 20 in the U.S.8
• Lifelong Delayed Ejaculation (DE) affects approximately 1% of sexually active men and acquired DE affects approximately 4% of sexually active men.9

Three Ways to Deal With Orgasm Anxiety

There are a few steps you can take on your own to improve partnered sexual experiences and reduce anxiety related to orgasm. While a sex therapist may be able to guide you through interventions more specific to your situation, these tips will be generally applicable to anyone experiencing orgasm anxiety.

The following are useful tips for dealing with orgasm anxiety:

1. Increase Self-Knowledge & Exploration

Take the time for sexual self-exploration. Even if you already masturbate, you may be engaging in a practice that has a specific sexual script and little time for novelty. Bodies change over time and what was stimulating for years may have shifted or could be augmented. Make sure you set aside a couple of times a week, at a minimum, for private time to get curious about yourself.

The goal with self-exploration is not to take the fastest path to orgasm, but to notice what creates pleasurable sensation and what relaxes you mentally. If you have no problem climaxing when you are alone, this is the perfect space to notice what’s different between your partnered and self-exploration experiences. Is it the type of stimulation or mental imagery being utilized? Is it self-consciousness when with another person? Is it performance anxiety or more generalized stress when in a partnered context?

When you are alone you may choose to use visual pornography, written erotica, and/or sex toys to enhance your play. If you have a vulva and are not sure where to start with erotic self-stimulation, you might try the site www.OMGYes.com, which is a non-pornographic approach rooted in scientific research that guides exploration in female self-pleasure techniques.

When you explore self-pleasure in private, you remove any pressure to please or perform for a partner. The knowledge you gain through self-exploration will help shift partnered sexual experiences as well, allowing for increased self-awareness and confidence. Knowing what is pleasurable for your own body and mind can help you to participate more fully in partnered sexual encounters.

2. Communicate With Sexual Partners

Tell your partner(s) about the orgasm anxiety you have been experiencing. Communicate before, during, and/or after sexual experiences about the anxiety to help diffuse its power over your pleasure. Discuss with your partner(s) that orgasm is not a measure of how attracted you are to them or how enjoyable a sexual encounter is. Sometimes simply naming orgasm anxiety out loud as an issue can be enough for it to dissipate.

Try tracking orgasm anxiety during sexual experiences as it occurs. Communicate with your partner(s) at the first sign of anxiety so that they can help you feel less pressure to climax. This communication can be verbal feedback, such as “I’m worried I won’t be able to come” or “I’m feeling like you need me to climax soon.” Or you may feel more comfortable communicating through non-verbal signals which you have discussed ahead of time with your partner(s).

Tell your partner(s) what kind of touch or other stimulation that you enjoy. This information can be either broad or specific, but gives your partner(s) a pleasure map to follow. Some orgasm anxiety can originate from lack of communication and from feeling pressure to orgasm from intercourse alone or from stimulation that is not suitable for your body. Do not fake an orgasm to avoid anxiety. This can create a feedback loop which makes it increasingly difficult to be present with your experience instead of performative, reducing your ability to feel genuine pleasure.

3. Reduce Distractions & Enjoy the Moment

General stress can be a major contributor to orgasm anxiety. Make sure to reduce distractions during your sexual encounters and have plenty of time to relax and enjoy each other before focusing on climax. Kids, work and other responsibilities can all detract from the sexual experience, if not adequately set aside mentally during sexual play.

Although women typically need longer with “foreplay” than men in order to climax, all genders may experience enhanced pleasure when more time is given for sexual play prior to orgasm. Adequate blood flow is necessary for both the penis and the clitoris to be primed for orgasmic release.

Notice what happens when you focus on sensations all over your body, not just your genitalia. Heightened awareness of all five senses and of subtle sensations can help to quiet a spinning mind and enhance full-bodied pleasure. You might also try focusing on your breathing by slowing down and extending your exhales, which can reduce anxiety and bring you back into your body.

Let go of the goal of an orgasm and be present in the unique connection with your partner(s) instead. Sex can be immensely enjoyable without orgasmic release, particularly if your orgasms are frequently precipitated by anxiety and cloud the rest of your experience. Enjoy the moment and, if an orgasm arrives, allow it to be icing on an already delicious cake instead of a required ingredient.