Overcome The Fear Of Confrontation - Achieve Solutions

Home » Why Do I Hate Confrontation » Overcome The Fear Of Confrontation - Achieve Solutions

Maybe your like

Contact Us Find your custom Achieve Solutions website Select Language Select Language English Arabic Chinese (Simplified) French German Hindi Italian Japanese Portuguese Russian Spanish Hebrew Armenian Search Achieve Solutions logo
  • Close
  • Get Site Help
Close

Web Feedback

Please tell us what you think…

If you would like to offer a suggestion about how we can improve the site, comment on a particular article, talk to a professional consultant, request a referral or receive more information, please fill out the form below. If you have an emergency situation, please go to the nearest hospital emergency room or call 911. Related to: Comments/Suggestions Regarding Site Content Find Provider/Services General Request Additional Information Request Assistance Other(Please Specify in Message) Your Name (optional) E-mail Address (optional)

Invalid e-mail address

Tell us what you think

Comment cannot be empty

reCAPTCHA Security Send Feedback Cancel Close

Find Custom Site

This site offers a sampling of our award-winning Achieve Solutions content, which provides information, tools and other resources on more than 200 topics, including depression, stress, anxiety, alcohol, marriage, grief and loss, caregiving and work/life balance. Its mission is to help members get credible information, access behavioral health services and resolve personal concerns in a private manner.

To access a site that is specific to your benefits and includes more articles and tools, please click the ‘Search’ button below, then select the name of the organization through which you receive benefits. After doing so you will be routed to the appropriate site.

Close

Automatic translation disclaimer

Achieve Solutions provides automatic translation into multiple languages, courtesy of Google Translate. This tool is provided for your convenience only. The English language version is considered the most accurate, and in the event of a discrepancy between the translations, the English version will prevail. This translation tool is not controlled by Achieve Solutions, and the Achieve Solutions Privacy Statement will not apply. Please read Google’s privacy statement. If you want Google to translate the Achieve Solutions website, select a language.

A Carelon Behavioral Health website
  • Find your custom Achieve Solutions website
  • Select Language
Achieve Solutions logo Home > Relationships / Conflict Management > Overcome the Fear of Confrontation Overcome the Fear of Confrontation

Reviewed Aug 17, 2022

  • print
  • email
  • pdf
Close

E-mail Article

Complete form to e-mail article…

Required fields are denoted by an asterisk (*) adjacent to the label.

Your Email (Required) * Recipient(s) Email (Required) *

Separate multiple recipients with a comma

Message (Optional) No Message This may be of interest to you. Please call if you have questions. Here is a new article on Achieve Solutions that might interest you. I came across this article on Achieve Solutions and I thought it might interest you. Send Cancel Close

Sign-Up For Newsletters

Complete this form to sign-up for newsletters…

Email is required

Email format incorrect.

Newsletter Themes are required

Required fields are denoted by an asterisk (*) adjacent to the label.

Your Email Address * Available newsletter themes *

SIGN-UP CANCEL

Most people aren’t comfortable confronting others. That’s normal. But if you avoid speaking up about your own needs, you may be settling for unhappiness.

Don’t let the fear of confrontation rule you. Identify the source of your fear and learn to confront others with less anxiety. The following suggestions may help.

It helps to know why you dread it

Most people who avoid confrontation fear rejection. This often can be traced back to childhood, where rejection is seen as a threat to survival. This shouldn’t have the same power over you as an adult. Other possible sources of the fear of confrontation are:

  • Having confronted someone who reacted with hostility
  • Conflict phobia. This is intense physical distress, anxiety and panic symptoms when in a disagreement
  • Overestimating the discomfort or harm that the other person will suffer when confronted
  • Feeling inferior to the point where you never place your needs above another’s

Learn to address the source of your fear with a new outlook

Reframe your old thoughts with the following:

  • It’s OK to be disapproved of or even disliked. If you are courteous, being met with rejection is irrational. That’s not your problem, it’s the other person’s.
  • Most confrontations do not lead to shouting and violence. Approaching others calmly will help.
  • Any physical and emotional discomfort will pass. Deep breathing will help calm you.
  • The hurt feelings of the one confronted will also pass. Especially if you learn to confront with grace. Keep in mind that the person might not fear rejection as much as you do.
  • It’s admirable to value the needs of others. But it’s important to tell others what you feel, want and need. You can look after the welfare of both others and yourself when you confront with consideration and truth.

Confront with grace

Perhaps you have little experience with calm but firm confrontation. Maybe you grew up in a home where shouting or sulking was the norm. Learn to be kind, yet direct, as you state:

  • What the problem is
  • How you feel about it
  • What you want

An example with a co-worker could be:

  • They take pens and other supplies off your desk without asking.
  • You feel uncomfortable that your space and possessions aren’t secure.
  • Perhaps you are willing to give them some of these things but you want them to ask first.

Keep the confrontation calm but fair by doing the following:

  • Stick to the problem at hand—don’t bring up a laundry list of old complaints.
  • Avoid overgeneralizations such as “You always” and “You never.”
  • Use “I” more than “you” whenever possible. Say, “I feel uncomfortable that my space isn’t secure” rather than “You make me uncomfortable when you take my stuff.”
  • Watch out for escalation. If the conversation becomes heated, try to calm down. Restate what the problem is and what you feel and want.
  • Listen carefully to the other person’s responses to your complaint. Restate important points if necessary. Use phrases like “I think I’m understanding you to say …”
  • Know your limits. You will not be able to control the other person, nor should that be the purpose of the confrontation. Your goal is to express a problem or unmet need without using threats or force.

Your anxiety will ease when you begin to see confrontation as a mature way to express your feelings and wishes. Keep your approach honest and kind, free of defensiveness and judgment, and the other person will probably do the same.

By Laurie Stewart ©2005-2022 Carelon Behavioral Health

Most people aren’t comfortable confronting others. That’s normal. But if you avoid speaking up about your own needs, you may be settling for unhappiness.

Don’t let the fear of confrontation rule you. Identify the source of your fear and learn to confront others with less anxiety. The following suggestions may help.

It helps to know why you dread it

Most people who avoid confrontation fear rejection. This often can be traced back to childhood, where rejection is seen as a threat to survival. This shouldn’t have the same power over you as an adult. Other possible sources of the fear of confrontation are:

  • Having confronted someone who reacted with hostility
  • Conflict phobia. This is intense physical distress, anxiety and panic symptoms when in a disagreement
  • Overestimating the discomfort or harm that the other person will suffer when confronted
  • Feeling inferior to the point where you never place your needs above another’s

Learn to address the source of your fear with a new outlook

Reframe your old thoughts with the following:

  • It’s OK to be disapproved of or even disliked. If you are courteous, being met with rejection is irrational. That’s not your problem, it’s the other person’s.
  • Most confrontations do not lead to shouting and violence. Approaching others calmly will help.
  • Any physical and emotional discomfort will pass. Deep breathing will help calm you.
  • The hurt feelings of the one confronted will also pass. Especially if you learn to confront with grace. Keep in mind that the person might not fear rejection as much as you do.
  • It’s admirable to value the needs of others. But it’s important to tell others what you feel, want and need. You can look after the welfare of both others and yourself when you confront with consideration and truth.

Confront with grace

Perhaps you have little experience with calm but firm confrontation. Maybe you grew up in a home where shouting or sulking was the norm. Learn to be kind, yet direct, as you state:

  • What the problem is
  • How you feel about it
  • What you want

An example with a co-worker could be:

  • They take pens and other supplies off your desk without asking.
  • You feel uncomfortable that your space and possessions aren’t secure.
  • Perhaps you are willing to give them some of these things but you want them to ask first.

Keep the confrontation calm but fair by doing the following:

  • Stick to the problem at hand—don’t bring up a laundry list of old complaints.
  • Avoid overgeneralizations such as “You always” and “You never.”
  • Use “I” more than “you” whenever possible. Say, “I feel uncomfortable that my space isn’t secure” rather than “You make me uncomfortable when you take my stuff.”
  • Watch out for escalation. If the conversation becomes heated, try to calm down. Restate what the problem is and what you feel and want.
  • Listen carefully to the other person’s responses to your complaint. Restate important points if necessary. Use phrases like “I think I’m understanding you to say …”
  • Know your limits. You will not be able to control the other person, nor should that be the purpose of the confrontation. Your goal is to express a problem or unmet need without using threats or force.

Your anxiety will ease when you begin to see confrontation as a mature way to express your feelings and wishes. Keep your approach honest and kind, free of defensiveness and judgment, and the other person will probably do the same.

By Laurie Stewart ©2005-2022 Carelon Behavioral Health More

Most people aren’t comfortable confronting others. That’s normal. But if you avoid speaking up about your own needs, you may be settling for unhappiness.

Don’t let the fear of confrontation rule you. Identify the source of your fear and learn to confront others with less anxiety. The following suggestions may help.

It helps to know why you dread it

Most people who avoid confrontation fear rejection. This often can be traced back to childhood, where rejection is seen as a threat to survival. This shouldn’t have the same power over you as an adult. Other possible sources of the fear of confrontation are:

  • Having confronted someone who reacted with hostility
  • Conflict phobia. This is intense physical distress, anxiety and panic symptoms when in a disagreement
  • Overestimating the discomfort or harm that the other person will suffer when confronted
  • Feeling inferior to the point where you never place your needs above another’s

Learn to address the source of your fear with a new outlook

Reframe your old thoughts with the following:

  • It’s OK to be disapproved of or even disliked. If you are courteous, being met with rejection is irrational. That’s not your problem, it’s the other person’s.
  • Most confrontations do not lead to shouting and violence. Approaching others calmly will help.
  • Any physical and emotional discomfort will pass. Deep breathing will help calm you.
  • The hurt feelings of the one confronted will also pass. Especially if you learn to confront with grace. Keep in mind that the person might not fear rejection as much as you do.
  • It’s admirable to value the needs of others. But it’s important to tell others what you feel, want and need. You can look after the welfare of both others and yourself when you confront with consideration and truth.

Confront with grace

Perhaps you have little experience with calm but firm confrontation. Maybe you grew up in a home where shouting or sulking was the norm. Learn to be kind, yet direct, as you state:

  • What the problem is
  • How you feel about it
  • What you want

An example with a co-worker could be:

  • They take pens and other supplies off your desk without asking.
  • You feel uncomfortable that your space and possessions aren’t secure.
  • Perhaps you are willing to give them some of these things but you want them to ask first.

Keep the confrontation calm but fair by doing the following:

  • Stick to the problem at hand—don’t bring up a laundry list of old complaints.
  • Avoid overgeneralizations such as “You always” and “You never.”
  • Use “I” more than “you” whenever possible. Say, “I feel uncomfortable that my space isn’t secure” rather than “You make me uncomfortable when you take my stuff.”
  • Watch out for escalation. If the conversation becomes heated, try to calm down. Restate what the problem is and what you feel and want.
  • Listen carefully to the other person’s responses to your complaint. Restate important points if necessary. Use phrases like “I think I’m understanding you to say …”
  • Know your limits. You will not be able to control the other person, nor should that be the purpose of the confrontation. Your goal is to express a problem or unmet need without using threats or force.

Your anxiety will ease when you begin to see confrontation as a mature way to express your feelings and wishes. Keep your approach honest and kind, free of defensiveness and judgment, and the other person will probably do the same.

By Laurie Stewart ©2005-2022 Carelon Behavioral Health

Suggested Items

  • Friendly Feuds: How to Resolve Conflict Between Friends

MORE ON THIS TOPIC

Read Articles

  • A Better Way of Dealing With Conflict
  • Build a Healthy Relationship With Your In-laws
  • Cutting Ties With Toxic Family Members
  • Forgiveness: It Is Good for Your Health, But How Do You Do It?
  • Friendly Feuds: How to Resolve Conflict Between Friends
  • Managing Challenging Customer Situations
  • Overcome the Fear of Confrontation
  • Pet Peeves and Their Effect on Relationships
  • Reducing Tension With a Co-worker
  • Resolving Conflict With Your Boss
  • Resolving Differences With Your Son- or Daughter-in-Law
  • Roommate Trouble: How to Resolve Conflict
  • Teaching Your Child How to Resolve Conflict
  • When Parents Fight in Front of Their Kids

See Related Topics

  • Communication
  • Managing Emotions

The information provided on the Achieve Solutions site, including, but not limited to, articles, assessments, and other general information, is for informational purposes only and should not be treated as behavioral health care or management advice. Please direct questions regarding the operation of the Achieve Solutions site to Web Feedback. If you have questions related to workplace issues, please contact your human resources department. ©Carelon Behavioral Health

Close

  • Useful Tools

    Select a tool below

  • Life Events
  • Glossary
© 2026 Beacon Health Options, Inc. https://www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/ 9999 ENGLISH DEFAULT 202 3 9839 / N 1 N N/A www.achievesolutions.net https://www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/Content.do?contentId=9839

Tag » Why Do I Hate Confrontation