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New Years reflections
I’ve spent most of this week reflecting over the past year. On wins and losses, dreams and desires, and the overall direction I hoped my life would take.
I’ve always felt I had potential. I always knew I wasn’t the most intelligent person in the room but I didn’t think I was the least intelligent, either. I had “potential” that just hadn’t been tapped yet.
After this week, I know that’s not true. If the potential hasn’t been found yet, then it’s not there to be found. Once again I’ve proven my father right. (At least I’m successful at that.)
As sad as that makes me, it’s also sort of liberating. If this is all I can hope to ever be, then at least I achieved that. Some people just aren’t Winners. You have to have Losers to make the world go round, right? I succeed beyond my wildest dreams at failing. #loser #nopotential #Pathetic
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Feel like a failure. #Pathetic #overwhelmed #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation
I feel like such a pathetic loser. I used to love my job. Found so much joy in doing it and working hard for my family. Now I can barely get myself to punch in every morning. I hate the responsibility. I can't stay focused. I am always anxious and counting down the minutes until I can go crawl back into bed. My family relies on me to supply the insurance and my income is more than needed, but I just find I can't keep up the same pace I could before and I feel so ashamed that my mental state puts this limit on me and I think I should be able to push through, but that only seems to be making it worse... I feel like a failure and that I'm letting everyone down. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
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#Pathetic or #Not empathetic
People here are #Pathetic or am I being ridiculously not # empathetic to #whining today? Is it only me? Going ahead, hate.
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#Suffocating #Depression #Identity #Pathetic
With my age and the time of slowing down and reflection, it hurts the most of how little I have done to commit to making something out of myself. I still don't know how and it's suffocating.
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I feel so pathetic
another day I couldn’t face going to work, I’m such a failure I can’t do anything anymore. I just want to give up. I’m a waste of life 😭#Pathetic #worthless
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Sent from app Shame
I knew when I woke up yesterday that it was going to be really hard to get through the day. Once I got off work I was invited to get a drink. Going against my gut feeling of “I should go home. I shouldn’t be drinking. I’m not in a good headspace to drink.” - but I went out and I drank. Now, I don’t think I’m an alcoholic. I do think that I’m a majorly depressive person who shouldn’t drink when I’m really feeling that depression.
I woke up today not only with a hangover but with an epic amount of shame. Thinking how much I hate myself, why can’t I change? Why can’t I be a halfway stable person who doesn’t come home and cry about how they hope one day they just won’t wake up? I swirl around in my head about how I’m sure everyone around me just puts up with me. That no one truly cares.
I couldn’t leave the house. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. I could hardly get out of bed or even drink water. So often I ask myself, if this is what my life is going to be like, what’s the point? #Depression #Shame #ugly #Worthlessness #Pathetic
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Sent from app I feel truly #Pathetic
I feel like I’m such a mess! I don’t feel like I can handle life - not even the simplest things. And I don’t feel like I can tell anyone I know about it because they won’t understand. I used to be able to handle life (and I had a LOT more going on then!) and I wouldn’t have been able to understand how I feel now. I feel like I can’t breathe and absolutely everything is just too much. I’m a big mess.
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Am I pathetic for missing him so much?? #Depression #SignificantOther #Pathetic c #Weak #confused
I have been dating a really wonderful guy for about 4 months now. We met in college and got to see each other almost every day. We are lucky and both realized what a luxury it was. But now school is out and we're both away-- he is staying an hour away from me for a month then going home (4.5 hours away). I have been lucky enough to get to see him on the weekends but I still miss him so much that I feel like I can't possibly make it to the next weekend without him and my depression has been worse than it has been since I met him. (So bad Im worried Ill scare him off even though he understands).
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Sent from app 
See full photo This is Me
Sad, pathetic, worthless, unloved, depressed, dead inside and I wear a mask to hide them all. It’s pointless to tell me positive things because I don’t believe any of it. #Sadness #worthless #Pathetic #deadinside #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Angerissues
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Sent from app Touch
Here’s a shameful little secret...I book massage therapy appointments simply to satisfy the need for human touch #Depression #lonely #Pathetic
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