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What is a Pick-Me Girl? Download Article What are pick-me girls really saying to themselves and others? Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Caroline Heiderscheit
Last Updated: March 7, 2025 Fact Checked
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Pick-Me Girls: Who Are They?
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How to Spot a Pick-Me Girl
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Internalized Misogyny and Showing Empathy
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This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara and by wikiHow staff writer, Caroline Heiderscheit. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 411,126 times.
Tired of feeling out of the loop? You've seen it on social media and heard your friends use the phrase constantly, but what exactly is a "pick-me girl"? It's actually way simpler than you'd think, and we've got the inside scoop below. We'll walk you through what this phrase means and show you how to spot "pick-me girl" behaviors. We'll also explain why it's so important to show empathy and understanding (and never resort to calling someone a "pick-me girl"). To learn everything you want to know, read on!
Pick Me Girl Meaning & Examples
Pick-me girls lean into outdated gender stereotypes to put other women down for male attention.
She projects misogyny onto others, and even herself, by putting down classically "girly" hobbies or interests.
A pick-me girl will try to differentiate herself by saying things like, "Girls are so catty. That's why I prefer hanging out with guys."
She will make excuses to be with the guy. "You all gossip about me."
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Pick-Me Girls: Who Are They?
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1 Someone who criticizes women to be liked by guys is a "pick-me girl." You know that old saying: “Girls have got to stick together.” For some ladies out there, this is not a top priority. Pick-me girls care more about getting attention from men than giving basic respect to other women.[1]X Trustworthy Source PubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source They may try to differentiate themselves from “other girls” by saying things like:[2]XResearch source
“Girls are so dramatic. That’s why I get along so much better with boys.”
“I could never be into that “girly” stuff like makeup and clothes. I’m just not really like other girls.”
2 "Masculine" interests and male friends don't make you a pick-me girl. People should be able to have the friends, interests, and passions that they want. If you meet a girl who’s friends with only boys or likes video games more than shopping—that doesn't make her a pick-me girl. It's all about whether or not she patronizes other women. A non-pick-me girl might say:[3]X Trustworthy Source PubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
“I’m so bad at makeup so I never wear it. Yours looks so cool though. I love it!”
“Yeah, I would rather skateboard than go shopping. But that’s just me. We could split up and then afterward, you could show me all of the cute stuff you bought!”
“I’m friends with mainly guys, but I’d love to have some girlfriends, too. I hope I meet some that I click with soon!”
Advertisement Section 2 of 3:
How to Spot a Pick-Me Girl
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1 A pick-me girl will make fun of other girls, especially around guys. Her goal is to look cool compared to other women. So when she’s around other smart, fun, awesome gals (like you!), she’ll try her best to drag you down. She may subtly try to embarrass you, make rude remarks, and all in all, attempt to make others think less of you (so not cool!). She might say things like:[4]X Trustworthy Source PubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
“Oh my god. You’re wearing so much makeup. Why’d you get so dressed up for this—we’re just hanging out with the boys!”
“Uh, why are you going on about Gossip Girl again? That show is so boring and girly.”
“Why are you ignoring Connor? Didn’t you say you had a crush on him or something?”
For more signs, check out wikiHow's "How do you spot a pick me girl?" forum.
2 A pick-me girl will criticize her gender and classically feminine things. All genders can and do enjoy any topic, but some interests are historically linked to women—like fashion and movies about female friendship. Then, there are the unfair, untrue stereotypes that women face, like that they’re overly dramatic or talkative. A pick-me girl will reinforce these stereotypes to get male attention.[5]XResearch source
“Can you imagine waking up and spending an hour on your makeup every morning? How pathetic. I could never.”
“Girls are so annoying. I’m so glad I hang out with guys. I wouldn’t able to stand all that constant chatting.”
“Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? Are you serious? That’s the worst movie ever. It's just a bunch of girls talking for 90 minutes.”
Advertisement Section 3 of 3:
Internalized Misogyny and Showing Empathy
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Some women project misogyny onto others—and even themselves. People are taught to judge and stereotype women from a young age; so much so, that some women end up doing this to themselves and to their own gender.[6]XResearch source So yes, “pick-me” behavior can be harmful. But it’s a result of a culture of misogyny—one that hurts pick-me girls, too. That's why it's important to show empathy.[7]XResearch source
You should never resort to calling someone a pick-me girl.
If you notice harmful behavior, try to gently expand the conversation without accusing this person. You might be able to get her thinking (and help her change her ways!)
Maybe she said that liking makeup is stupid. Try this: “Why do you think that? Makeup is fun, it takes creativity, and it’s a skill you can continuously improve. What makes it worse than skateboarding, video games, or sports?”
She might think about it and realize that there’s only one difference: makeup is linked to femininity. You might broaden her horizons without resorting to name-calling!
Join the Discussion...
How do you spot a pick me girl? WikiSkyDancer007 So, I have a little sister who occasionally refers to one of her friends as a “pick me” girl. Google says this is someone who seeks out male validation to a kind of a silly level, but that doesn’t really seem like it encompasses everything? I’ve asked my sister about it but she’s kind of evasive and not very good at explaining what she means. Is this a slur? Is that why my sister is kind of flighty about it? Someone break it down for me! Read More WikiLorisRunner157 Yeah, probably not great to have a little kid referring to people as “pick me” girls (assuming your sister is in grade school or something). That’s a derogatory term for women who pull the “I’m not like other girls” card to try and get guys to pay attention to them. Pick me girls tend to put other women down and make fun of “girly” things to try and seem less feminine than they are. The problem is the term can be used to put down women who aren’t naturally hyper-feminine, and I’ve seen the term used as a slur against LGBTQ+ women before. It also ignores the nature of the problem. Pick me girls behave the way they do because society rewards men for being “manly,” but penalizes girls for being “girly.” In other words, this behavior is a product of sexism against women, and perpetuating that is kind of not a great move for a young girl. Read More Anonymous WikiEmu why pick me girl always around boys Read More See all 12 Replies and Read Discussion
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Co-authored by: Imad Jbara Dating Coach This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara and by wikiHow staff writer, Caroline Heiderscheit. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. This article has been viewed 411,126 times. 322 votes - 71% Co-authors: 8Updated: March 7, 2025 Views: 411,126 Categories: Gossip and Rumors In other languages Indonesian German Portuguese Spanish Czech Japanese Italian
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Reader Success Stories
Beany M.
Sep 18, 2024
"This was very interesting to read about. I've met so many people like this. I also appreciate how you pointed out that simply liking more typically masculine things and being a girl doesn't make you a pick-me girl; rather, it's the act of putting down others that does."..." more
More reader stories Hide reader stories Share your story
Did this article help you?
Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Imad Jbara Dating Coach 322 votes - 71% Click a star to vote 71% of people told us that this article helped them. Co-authors: 8Updated: March 7, 2025 Views: 411,126
Beany M.
Sep 18, 2024
"This was very interesting to read about. I've met so many people like this. I also appreciate how you pointed out that simply liking more typically masculine things and being a girl doesn't make you a pick-me girl; rather, it's the act of putting down others that does."..." more
Paridhi P.
Jul 14, 2023
"I've said a few things which are mentioned as something a pick me girl would say, but upon further reading I understood that I was talking about those specific girls and boys around me and I've always looked out for opportunities to find girlfriends."..." more
Anonymous
Jan 14, 2024
"It's good to learn about that sort of stereotype. When I was in high school especially, my peers would always classify pick-mes, as girls most pick-mes say they "aren't". Namely the ones who wore too much makeup and short outfits to impress guys."..." more
Anonymous
Apr 21, 2023
"I heard my 12 year old daughter use the term to describe another girl who was not present and wanted to know what it means."..." more
Anonymous
Mar 9, 2024
"My best friend was one. Thanks to this I've escaped from her toxicity." Share yours! More success stories Hide success stories
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Download Article What are pick-me girls really saying to themselves and others? Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Caroline Heiderscheit 
WikiSkyDancer007 So, I have a little sister who occasionally refers to one of her friends as a “pick me” girl. Google says this is someone who seeks out male validation to a kind of a silly level, but that doesn’t really seem like it encompasses everything? I’ve asked my sister about it but she’s kind of evasive and not very good at explaining what she means. Is this a slur? Is that why my sister is kind of flighty about it? Someone break it down for me! Read More 
WikiLorisRunner157 Yeah, probably not great to have a little kid referring to people as “pick me” girls (assuming your sister is in grade school or something). That’s a derogatory term for women who pull the “I’m not like other girls” card to try and get guys to pay attention to them. Pick me girls tend to put other women down and make fun of “girly” things to try and seem less feminine than they are. The problem is the term can be used to put down women who aren’t naturally hyper-feminine, and I’ve seen the term used as a slur against LGBTQ+ women before. It also ignores the nature of the problem. Pick me girls behave the way they do because society rewards men for being “manly,” but penalizes girls for being “girly.” In other words, this behavior is a product of sexism against women, and perpetuating that is kind of not a great move for a young girl. Read More 
Anonymous WikiEmu why pick me girl always around boys Read More See all 12 Replies and Read Discussion 
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Co-authored by: Imad Jbara Dating Coach This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara and by wikiHow staff writer, Caroline Heiderscheit. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. This article has been viewed 411,126 times. 322 votes - 71% Co-authors: 8 Updated: March 7, 2025 Views: 411,126 Categories: Gossip and Rumors In other languages Indonesian German Portuguese Spanish Czech Japanese Italian 
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1 Someone who criticizes women to be liked by guys is a "pick-me girl." You know that old saying: “Girls have got to stick together.” For some ladies out there, this is not a top priority. Pick-me girls care more about getting attention from men than giving basic respect to other women.[1] They may try to differentiate themselves from “other girls” by saying things like:[2] 
2 "Masculine" interests and male friends don't make you a pick-me girl. People should be able to have the friends, interests, and passions that they want. If you meet a girl who’s friends with only boys or likes video games more than shopping—that doesn't make her a pick-me girl. It's all about whether or not she patronizes other women. A non-pick-me girl might say:[3] 
1 A pick-me girl will make fun of other girls, especially around guys. Her goal is to look cool compared to other women. So when she’s around other smart, fun, awesome gals (like you!), she’ll try her best to drag you down. She may subtly try to embarrass you, make rude remarks, and all in all, attempt to make others think less of you (so not cool!). She might say things like:[4] 
2 A pick-me girl will criticize her gender and classically feminine things. All genders can and do enjoy any topic, but some interests are historically linked to women—like fashion and movies about female friendship. Then, there are the unfair, untrue stereotypes that women face, like that they’re overly dramatic or talkative. A pick-me girl will reinforce these stereotypes to get male attention.[5] 
Some women project misogyny onto others—and even themselves. People are taught to judge and stereotype women from a young age; so much so, that some women end up doing this to themselves and to their own gender.[6] So yes, “pick-me” behavior can be harmful. But it’s a result of a culture of misogyny—one that hurts pick-me girls, too. That's why it's important to show empathy.[7]