Santa's Little Helper | TRAMAMPOLINE! TRABOPOLINE!

“But he’s a loser. He’s pathetic. He’s… a Simpson”~ Homer, on Santa’s Little Helper

“His life was an unbridled success… until he found out he was a Simpson.” ~ Lisa, on Herb

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• Episode: Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire
• Aired: December 17, 1989
• Written by: Mimi Pond

You only get one chance to make a first impression, so you better make it count. This was the first full-length episode of The Simpsons ever broadcast on television. Although “Some Enchanted Evening”, the first episode ever produced, was originally intended to air before this Christmas Special, I think it’s a blessing in disguise that it didn’t. “Some Enchanted Evening” was a rather lackluster episode, whereas “Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire” has become something of a Christmas Tradition that has left a lasting impression on viewers.

Springfield Elementary is hosting its “Annual Christmas Pagent” (I think Bart must have been in charge of putting the letters on the sign), and all the parents are in attendance including Homer and Marge along with Maggie in her memorable star shaped snow suit. Ah, Christmas Concerts. So many memories.  They misspelled Pageant on the sign. I have a feeling if Superintendent Chalmers were to see that, Skinner would tell him it was the children’s idea. It’s always the children’s fault isn’t it Seymour. Yes. Yes it is.

Speaking of first impressions, boy does Lisa make quite the first impression on us. Apparently her dress is made out of Ralph Wiggum’s hair. This is definitely a bit out of character for Lisa, but it’s the first episode so let’s cut them some slack.  I’m assuming she’s wearing a yellow bodysuit, or it’s an animation mistake. Either that or she’s channeling her inner Sharon Stone.

Speaking of Ralph, here he is. I forgot all about Ralph appearing in this episode. I was under the impression that he didn’t come along until Season 2 but here he is dressed as Hotei Oshō, one of the many Santa’s from around the world.

  

Bart and his classmates eventually take the stage to sing Jingle Bells. Bart sings his own rendition of  the song, which involves Batman, Robin, The Joker, and a busted Batmobile with one bad wheel. That Bart, what a rebel. As Ralph might say, that is so 1991. Or in this case, 1989.

I can remember being Bart’s age and the weeks of preparation that went into these Christmas concerts where you would learn and practice all the songs in music class all throughout December leading up to the big day. Then on the day of the concert, you’d have to wear your nicest clothes. And while waiting backstage behind the curtains or doors you’d peak out to see where your parents were sitting. Little did we know just how miserable they probably were.

I also recall that on one Christmas, either 1989 or 90, I received “The Simpsons XMas Book” as a gift from my sister. The book told the story of this very episode. And thus began my lifelong obsession with the Simpsons.

After the concert mercifully comes to an end, the family head back home. Bart & Lisa are writing their lists for Santa, while Marge writes letters to relatives and Homer tries to untangle the christmas lights. All of these little details ring very true.

 

Marge:(writing) Dear Friends of the Simpson Family, We had some sadness and some gladness this year. First the sadness: our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to Kitty Heaven. But we bought a new little cat, Snowball II, so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on, Grampa is still with us, feisty as ever. Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A’s and Bart… well, we love Bart.

 “GET THAT CAT OUTTA THE WAY!”

There’s a great exchange here between Homer and the gruesome twosome…

Homer: [answering the phone] Hello? Patty: Is Marge there? Homer: Who is this? Patty: Marge, please? Homer: This is her sister, isn’t it? Patty: May I please speak to Marge? Homer: Whom shall I ask is calling? Patty: Marge, please. Homer: (angrily hands the phone to Marge): It’s your sister.

After untangling all the lights, Homer heads out with the kids to hook up the rooftop Christmas display.  Needless to say Homer does a pretty craptacular job, especially in comparison to the winter wonderland next door that is Ned Flanders house. I was shocked to see that Flanders didn’t have “Merry Christmas” displayed on his roof, but rather “Merry XMAS”. It’s very unlike Flanders to take the Christ out of Christmas, but since this is his first appearance on the show it’s possible the religious elements of his character had not yet been developed. Or maybe living next to Homer Simpson all these years caused Ned to go mad and become a religious fundamentalist. Either way, take it in folks, it’s the only time you’ll ever see it: a secular Ned Flanders.

This won’t be the last time in this episode that Homer feel’s insecure about his family’s status in comparison to Ned’s. Later, after Homer’s Xmas bonus is cancelled and the family is left on a shoestring budget, Homer and Ned bump into each other in the mall parking lot leading to a mix up involving who’s gifts belong to whom. The problem is easily rectified once they realize all the gifts are Ned’s except for one brown paper bag that belongs to Homer.

 “Here’s your pork chop, Mr.Simpson.” ~Rod Flanders, handing Homer back his squeak toy intended for dogs that he’s purchased as a gift for Maggie. If only the Simpson family had a real dog. Oh well.

Things get so bad, Homer can’t afford a Christmas tree so he has to sneak onto private property and cut one down himself. I love the animation of a shadowy Homer prowling in the moonlight stealing a tree. All this scene was missing was one of Homer’s patented nonsensical songs he sometimes sings to himself. Something along the lines of…

Stealing, stealing, stealing a tree for free. Something, something, something, insurance fraud today.

Patty:Is that a birdhouse? Homer: That’s an ornament.

To make a little extra cash around the holidays, Homer gets a job as a mall Santa.

Santa Homer: What’s your name, Bart-ner… er… little partner? Bart: I’m Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you? Santa Homer:(angry and annoyed) I’m Jolly ol’ Saint Nick.

This marks the first utterance of Bart’s now famous line, “I’m Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?”

After Homer pulls Bart aside into his Santa workshop, he informs his son about the family’s financial difficulties. And so a desperate Homer takes his son to the dog track with a blonde Barney Gumble, in hopes of a Christmas miracle. They put all of Homer’s minuscule mall Santa check on a dog named “Santa’s Little Helper”, believing that just maybe it’s a sign of good luck.

“This could be the miracle that saves the Simpsons’ Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it’s that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it’s going to happen to us!” ~ Bart

Unfortunately, Santa’s Little Helper does not win the race. In fact, he barely finishes the race. Later that night, as Homer and Bart are spending Christmas Eve walking through the parking lot looking for any potential winning tickets left on the ground, Santa’s Little Helper comes running towards them and leaps into Homer’s arms.

Bart: Dad, can we keep him? Homer: But he’s a loser. He’s pathetic. He’s… (Santa’s Little Helper licks his face)…a Simpson.

As they head back home, a dejected Homer is dreading having to tell Marge that his Christmas bonus was cancelled and how the holidays are ruined. But the family is too overjoyed over the arrival of Santa’s Little Helper to care about any money problems.

Marge: This is the best gift of all, Homer. Homer: (surprised) It is? Marge: Yes, something to share our love – and frighten prowlers. Bart: And if he runs away, he’ll be easy to catch.

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• Episode: Oh Brother, Wher Art Thou?
• Aired: February 21, 1991
• Written by: Jeff Martin

As the car window comes down, Homer comes face to face with his long lost half-brother Herb. On my list of the best non-recurring characters voiced by a guest celebrity, Danny DeVito’s guest role as Herbert Powell is second only to Dustin Hoffman’s role as Mr.Bergstrom in “Lisa’s Substitute”. It’s not so much Herb that I’m crazy for, but more just the job DeVito does. Much like with Dustin Hoffman, it’s nice to see a celebrity actually playing a character as opposed to an exaggerated version of themselves where they shamelessly promote whatever project they’re working on.

After seeing the latest McBain movie, Grampa suffers mild chest pains while complaining to the manager.Believing he’s just had a brush with death, Grampa confesses a long held secret to Homer: he has a half-brother. As the story goes, a few years before meeting Homer’s mother, Grampa hooked up with a prostitute at a carnival and there was an unplanned pregnancy. They had a son, but gave him up to the Shelbyville Orphanage. I love how in the flashback, baby Homer has the same hairstyle as adult Homer. Ah, the circle of the life.

So Homer heads to the Shelbyville Orphanage to see if he can locate where his half-brother is. There he meets the Director of the Shelbyville Orphanage who looks suspiciously like Homer’s family physician Dr.Hibbert. He tells Homer that his half-brother was adopted by a Mr. and Mrs. Powell and they named him Herb. Unfortunately Homer is unable to provide any useful information in return that would assist the Director, who is also searching for his long lost half-brother. Homer wants to know where he can find Herb, but the Director tells him that the release of such information is not allowed. That leads to this excellent exchange…

Director: Well, I– I do sympathize with your situation, Mr. Simpson. After all your brother could be anywhere. Even DETROIT. Homer: I know he could be anywhere, that’s why I want you to narrow it down for me! Please! Director: You know, Mr.Simpson, if you ask me, the city of brotherly love is not Philadelphia. It is….DETROIT. Homer: Well, if you ask me, changing the subject makes you the most worthless, heartless excuse for a human being I ever– Director: Read between the lines, you fool! Homer: Oh! Oh, I get it! Okay. Here’s twenty bucks. Now will you please tell me where my brother lives? Director: Mr. Simpson, I don’t want your– Homer: Just take it and tell me! Director: Detroit. He lives in Detroit. Homer: Fine. Thank you. Sheesh.

Back home, Homer flips through a Michigan state phone book, phoning every Powell listed in Detroit. On his last try, Homer hits the jackpot. Even more than he realizes. He invites Herb to visit him in Springfield, but Herb suggests that Homer come to Detroit.

Holy moly the bastard’s rich!~ Homer

Turns out, Uncie Herb, as the kids call him, is a bit of a big shot in the motor city where he is the CEO of Powell Motors. Herb offers Homer any car on the lot for him and his family to take home on the house. Unfortunately they don’t have any cars taht are to Homer’s liking. Herb realizes the reason business is down is because they’ve been telling customers what they want instead of giving them what they actually want. It’s time to start listening to all the Homer Simpson’s of the world.

So Herb does what any sensible CEO of a major car company would do, he allows a man with minimal intellect and very little knowledge about cars to design a car for all the Homer Simpsons of the world. What could possibly go wrong?

Homer gives the designers a list of demands for what must be included in his car, which includes bubble domes, fins and several horns that play “La Cucaracha”. When “The Homer” is unveiled, it is a hideous green eyesore that leaves everyone’s jaws on the floor except of course for Homer, who’s grinning from ear to ear behind the wheel of his automobile atrocity. This episode always hit close to home for me when I was a kid. In the 80’s and early 90’s, my father was still driving a long green Oldsmobile from the 1970’s. And much like Homer, my Dad didn’t care what other people thought about his car. He loved that green machine.

“I’M RUINED!” ~Herb.

Luckily for me, the worst that ever came out of my Dad’s big green machine was the occasional embarrassing drop off at School. Herb, on the other hand, loses his career, his job, his reputation, and his sanity, all thanks to his half-brother Homer’s hideous car.

“His life was an unbridled success… until he found out he was a Simpson.” -Lisa

“I have no Brother!” ~Herb, to Homer, just before boarding a bus out of town.

Just as Herb leaves town, Grampa, fresh from being released from the Hospital, arrives to see his long lost son. A dejected Homer tells Grampa to get in the car, and that he’ll explain on the way home. Rather than hear about how his son blew it, Grampa takes a taxi home, making him the second relative to abandon Homer in under a minute. Later that night, as the Simpson family make the long drive back home to Springfield, at least one family member is standing by Homer and his misfit car…

Bart: Hey, Dad. I thought your car was pretty cool. Homer: Thanks boy. I was waiting for someone to say that.

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VERDICT 

Two strong episodes. Classics really. “Oh Brother Where Art Thou” is probably the funnier of the two, but “Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire” is the more integral of the two in terms of Simpsons history. Maybe it’s the Eggnog talking, or just because it’s that time of year, but if I could only ever watch one again for the rest of my life I’d go with “Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire.” Besides, we’ll see Herb Powell again in a later episode entitled “Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes”, which I feel is the superior of the two Herb episodes.

While there may be two Herb episodes, there can only be one first episode ever, and that’s what makes “Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire” both unique, and the winner of this match. I consider “Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire” to be more than worthy of being included alongside Tiny Tim and Charlie Brown as a classic Christmas special.

I’ve now watched all of Seasons 1 & 2, and am looking forward to the next division featuring Seasons 3 & 4, which, if memory serves me correctly, is where things start to get really, really, really…good.  Until then….

MERRIE X-MAS!

For up to date tournament results, click here: Best Episode Thingy There Ever Was