Should I Live With A Marijuana Addict Who Is Otherwise A Good Man?

Sel says: October 29, 2022 at 12:04 am

All i can recommend to anyone experiencing life with an addict is, Leave! It doesn’t end with just an addiction, there is so much more to it.

Was in a relationship with a guy since I was 14, got married at 21 and now divorcing at 24. He never told me he was addict till 4 weeks into our marriage when i started to realise a pattern of him going back and forth into a shed. For 3.5 years i went through so much emotional abuse from him and his addict family, so many financial struggles because of him not being able to hold up a job, cancelling so many plans because he just wouldn’t be in the mood that day, lying for him to cover his ass, constant health issues in which he would never accept were because of his addiction, only to finally move into a place together after living at my single mothers home for 2 years, and yet all he did was take on more drugs. Found out he was taking medicated pills and cocaine, on top of his extreme marijuana addiction and cigarettes. He was also a lover of casual drinking cause it ‘let him loose’. I was abused several times, kicked out of my own home twice, threatened to have his kids, insulted so often, compared to other women, disrespected, been pushed around physically, have had things thrown at me, items broken in the house, doors punched into, abused in front of hospitals that i took him to to get recovery yet he decided he wants to try make me the sick one instead, saved him from him holding knives at himself threatening to kill himself several times, he has disrespected my entire family that put up with him for 2 years in their house, i was disrespected and abused physically by his addict family because i decided to leave him. They think they’re son didnt deserve this because at times he is a loving and caring husband and doesnt physically bash me or cheat on me so ‘what else do I want?’ Now he just wants to get his share of the property, in which he claims he has more in, and has now continued living life as a free man who can just do more and more things without someone telling him he needs to stop.

I understand that because of the pattern of being loved one day, and abused the other, we become prone to their actions, we start to justify and think we can help them, but we cannot! I tried going back and helping him and was kicked out of home again for questioning his phone messages between him and his mum which were so wrong about me. We need to also understand that all the things i’ve said above dont just happen every day, its so on & off that we start to think its way of life, or just the stresses of life, and I still myself, now 7 months out of this marriage am still learning also, but this is not normal. This is not what healthy living looks like. No matter where we go, we will always face struggles, but being with what they call narcissistic people is so much harder than what we think it is. My husband is known to be a loving respectful man to all his mates, yet i opened my mouth after 3.5 years to all his wrong doings and no one wanted to believe me because he makes himself out to be such a religious good family man. They praise on the importance of their reputation because they know what will happen if we were to ever expose them. I am 7 months out and all he says to defend himself is, you left me, you exposed me to people! Whilst i have so much trauma i am dealing with, that’s all he cares about & doesn’t help that he has the wrong people around him. Although i guess that better explains it, how could you possibly last in a bunch of people who see addictions, abuse, lack of work etc as normal ways of living?

Do yourself a favour and don’t waste anymore time on someone who does not want to help themselves. I’m 25, i’m still young gratefully, but have been experiencing severe PTSD and don’t know where to begin with life again. Don’t bring yourself to a point where you think you won’t ever be able to have a life again. I since young ages have always dreamt of having my own family and children, and pray that I can happily be settled one day.

I had never loved someone so much in my life like I loved him, and still do, so much, but it’s not worth being chosen over his way of life. Everyone can learn to live without someone, it’s just a matter of working towards it.

I clicked into this link today because I again was having a hard morning of accepting things, although reading so many comments above was just another clarification for me, so I hope maybe someone reading mine one day can really help clear the post trauma thoughts of someone else.

Sel.

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