Struggling With How To Be Nice To People? - BetterHelp

Key takeaways

• While acting kindly may not always come naturally due to factors such as stress, insecurity, and mental health challenges, kindness can be cultivated. 
• There are many ways to cultivate kindness, including showing empathy, helping others, and listening attentively. Extending kindness towards yourself can also be equally important.
• Along with self-care, which can include practices such as journaling,  therapy can help individuals to manage stress, anxiety, depression, and other challenges.

Being kind to yourself and those around you might feel challenging. This difficulty may stem from personality traits, fears about what others think of you, low self-esteem, or challenging circumstances. If you want to be kinder, you might try making eye contact, smiling, using your conversation partner's name, and being an active listener during interactions. 

Other methods of embracing kindness include focusing on self-care, journaling regularly, reading self-help books, partaking in random acts of kindness, offering sincere apologies, and giving whenever possible. Taking care of your mental health with a licensed professional may also be valuable. 

Expressing kindness, such as being compassionate and caring, might not come naturally to everyone. If you relate, the following causes could affect your situation.

How your personality works: how to be nice to people in your own way

Each person has a unique personality with positive and negative characteristics. You may have certain character qualities that others admire in you, like courage, tenacity, leadership, loyalty, and contentment. Try to credit yourself for the qualities you possess instead of those you might struggle with feeling like empty vessels who lack positive traits. You may find that some people think you're unkind, while others find you gentle, kind, and empathetic. Finding people you're compatible with may reduce the chances of feeling unkind if it is a matter of personality. 

Using empathy to inspire acts of kindness

If you worry about what others think, you might treat them unkindly out of insecurity or fear of what they might say or do. Feeling comfortable in your skin and trusting that others have your best intentions may reduce this feeling. In addition, kindness can be contagious and can positively impact those around you, causing them to be kind back. One study found that cooperative behavior can cascade to three degrees of separation from the initial source.

Stress and feelings can impact your behavior

Healthy self-esteem and self-confidence can also help you handle criticism more effectively, making you more prone to kindness. When your self-confidence and self-esteem are low, maintaining a positive attitude can help prevent defensive behavior.

Being polite and considerate even while in a bad mood

In some cases, you may find it challenging to be kind because you are overwhelmed or in a bad mood due to the circumstances in your life. Certain mental health challenges can also make it difficult to be kind. However, you may find kindness is possible again with support and time. 

How to be nice to people around you 

Learning how to be nice to people is a skill you may practice and improve over time. There may be specific strategies to use that can help you make progress.

If you're wondering how to be nice, consider the following strategies:

• Practice active listening: Focus on truly hearing what others are saying without interrupting.
• Offer genuine compliments: Recognize and acknowledge others' efforts or qualities.
• Be considerate of others' feelings: Think about how your actions and words affect those around you.
• Show empathy: Try to understand things from other people's perspectives.
• Help others when you can: Offer assistance without expecting anything in return.
• Respect others' opinions: Even when you disagree, maintain respect for differing viewpoints.

69%of BetterHelp clients useone or more self care & clinical toolsSource: State of Stigma Report, May 2025Most used toolsWorksheetsGoal & habit trackingJournalSupport groupsClasses

Make eye contact, smile, be friendly, hold the door open

Embracing kindness is a learning process, but you might begin with small gestures like making eye contact with and smiling at everyone you encounter. Body language can go a long way in helping you seem approachable and friendly. When you smile or make eye contact, offer a genuine compliment. You can compliment people at work, in the street, or with friends and family members.

How to be nice to people: Be polite and use the other person's name

One way to illustrate that you respect and view the other person as important is by making a conscious effort to include their name in your greeting, or interspersed throughout your conversation. With those you do not know well or have just met, it can be a sign of meaningful respect that you have tried to remember their name.

Show cooperative behavior by listening instead of reacting 

It can be kind to be an active listener and ask questions of your conversation partner. Although you may enjoy speaking about yourself more than listening to others, speaking too often about yourself can appear self-centered, uncaring, and insensitive. You might also miss interesting details about the other person's life. Becoming a better listener, and showing that you are genuinely interested in what others have to say, can show feelings of kindness and take less energy than controlling a conversation.

Effective listening can include eye contact, smiling, nodding, and giving someone your undivided attention. Effective listening may require placing your thoughts and concerns on a temporary hold until you've gained a complete and accurate understanding of what the other person is attempting to convey.

After you have listened intently, you may find it appropriate to offer a summary of what you have heard your conversation partner says. An effective summary can involve restating what you have heard in your own words. While stating the other person's words back to them can verify that you have been listening, it doesn't necessarily provide evidence that you understand their comments. Ask clarifying questions and relate to them to keep the conversation going. When it's your turn to speak, you can discuss more information about your insights. 

Daily methods to embrace cooperative behavior and kindness

Below are a few ways to embrace kindness in your daily interactions, whether toward yourself or others.

Be kind and caring to yourself

Self-care can take many forms, and prioritizing kindness toward the self can contribute to your overall happiness.. A few ways to practice self-care include mindfulness, yoga, exercise, healthy eating, and sleep hygiene. You can also practice your hobbies and schedule in your leisure time to keep your stress levels low.  

Self-care and emotional health are key to being nice

If you find it challenging to be nice to others because you are holding grudges, feeling overwhelmed, or experiencing other difficult emotions, journaling may help you release these feelings and focus on positive thoughts.

You can use it to explore your feelings and return to them later when you want to reflect. In addition, studies show that journaling can improve mental health.  

Guided journal promptsCapture thoughts with gentle prompts and build a steady practice. Daily prompts Personal by default Share if you want Start journalingJournal entries are personal by default; sharing with your therapist is optional.

Read self-help books

Self-help books may guide you toward being kinder to yourself and others. Some books offer worksheets and activities you can try in your daily life. If a mental health condition or chronic stress impacts your ability to offer kindness, try an anxiety or depression workbook. 

Small gestures like holding the door open make a big impact

Offering "random acts of kindness" not only helps others but can also make you feel good by releasing serotonin. A few ways you can offer acts of kindness may include the following:

• Paying for someone else's order at the drive-thru 
• Giving kind notes to strangers
• Buying flowers for someone on the street
• Buying food for someone living on the street who has asked for food 
• Donating your clothes and unwanted belongings
• Giving someone you love a ride when they need it
• Giving someone a gift on a regular day

Be empathetic and offer sincere apologies

In some cases, you might find that you're unkind because you're defensive and feeling guilty about something you did wrong. However, not apologizing when wrong can damage relationships and lead to guilt and rumination. Taking responsibility for your actions and learning to set boundaries can let people know you care about their feelings and want to foster healthy relationships. To apologize sincerely, follow these steps: 

1. Avoid asking for a favor during your apology.
2. Apologize once instead of multiple times.
3. Apologize because you know you made a mistake, not because you want others to drop their accusations.
4. Don't apologize if you didn't make a mistake.
5. Don't offer grand gestures of love or kindness during your apology, as it may be a form of "love bombing."
6. Be understanding if the person doesn't accept your apology.
7. Ask how you can repair your relationship, if necessary.
8. Give the other person or people space to consider your words.
9. Don't accuse or blame others, even if they also made mistakes.
10. Don't ask for their apology in return. 

Learn how to manage stress to be kinder to others

Understanding the root cause of your stress may help you feel better so you can focus on being kinder to others. Offering others thoughtful gifts or tokens of appreciation may show them how much you love them. You don't necessarily need to buy an expensive gift. Giving a handwritten thank you note, holding the door open for the person behind you, helping a friend move, and saying "good morning" when you walk into the office are all kind gestures you can try. 

Mental and emotional health care can help if you’re struggling with how to be nice

Starting a new project like journaling or self-care routines can be an excellent tool to promote mental health.

 However, the help of a licensed mental health professional may be more beneficial if you're living with a chronic challenge like stress, anxiety, depression, or guilt. A therapist may help you uncover the reasons why you find kindness challenging. 

Traditional face-to-face therapy may not always be a convenient option, but online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may remove barriers to support. With online therapy, connecting with a licensed therapist from your home or anywhere you have a stable internet connection can be possible. In addition, online therapy through BetterHelp is often more affordable than traditional in-person therapy, and BetterHelp is working with major insurance carriers to join their network. As one study explains, online therapy can be as effective as in-office therapy in treating many mental health conditions and symptoms. 

Many providers on BetterHelp now accept major insurance carriers. In many states, certain therapists on BetterHelp may be in-network with certain insurance plans. Coverage depends on your plan, provider, and availability. 

When sessions are covered, members typically pay an average copay of about $19 per session. Check your in-network status on the BetterHelp site. Coverage varies by state and provider availability.

Takeaway

Being kind to others can be challenging, whether due to low self-esteem, challenging circumstances, personality traits, or worries about what others might think. A few strategies to be kinder during interactions could include making eye contact, smiling, using the other person's name throughout the conversation, and being attentive. A few strategies to be kinder during interactions could include making eye contact, smiling, using the other person's name throughout the conversation, and being attentive. If you continue to struggle with kindness or want to explore these concepts further, you can also consider talking to a licensed professional online or in person for further guidance and support.

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