Teaching Your Child To Share - First Five Years

Any parent who has watched two toddlers reduced to heartbreaking sobs over the same blue ball understands that learning to share is not simple.

The concept of sharing is something most parents try to instil in their children from a young age and while it sounds simple, learning to share is quite a complex life skill for children to master.

A two-year-old’s grasp of the idea of having to share a toy is quite different from how a four or five-year-old sees sharing.

Why is sharing important for a child?

Does a young child have to share everything, or are there some things they don’t ‘have to’ pass onto their friends if they don’t wish to? And when you tell a child to share food, like their toys, should they have an expectation they are going to get it back? Learning to share or take turns means grasping some new concepts.

Dr Elizabeth Westrupp, clinical psychologist at Deakin University says when teaching your child to share there’s no single approach that’s going to make sense for every family situation.

Children often have at least one special toy or item that they keep close to them, whether it be a soft toy or a baby blanket, or a favourite toy car or doll. There might be times when other children want to play with their special toy or item – but should they be forced to share if they don’t want to?

“If we reflect as adults, and think about our own special objects, there will be some things that we don’t want to share with others. If we acknowledge that there are things of ours that we don’t necessarily want to share, then we can’t expect a child to share everything either,” Dr Westrupp says.

“When you’re teaching children the concept of sharing, you can teach different things at different ages and it’s important to consider the child’s brain development.

“A child aged 3-5 has already developed the ability to see from others’ viewpoint but a child aged 1-2 doesn’t have that skill yet. This can also mean that some three-year-olds can struggle with the idea of sharing because they do understand what it means and it feels painful for them but there are strategies to make it less stressful for them.”

Tracy Bentin, psychologist at Stepping Stones Psychology, says sharing is not an easy skill for young children to learn.

“It’s important we help our kids learn how to share, but it’s not necessary as they grow that they share with everyone. There are some things that can just belong to them and they don’t necessarily like to share with others,” she says.