The 33 Most Common Reasons Why Relationships Fall Apart

When you think of the most common reasons couples break up, you probably envision infidelity, a partner with a bad temper, or difficulties agreeing on parenting style. But according to therapists, there are plenty more nuanced reasons why relationships fall apart. From small things like never saying thank you to major red flags like refusing to compromise, these are the biggest reasons why your partnership may fail. Read on to learn the biggest breakup reasons and how you can prevent them.

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1 You withdraw during arguments.

At the end of the day, you and your partner need to be clear about fundamental decisions like where to live, when and if to have kids, and how to save and spend money.

According to certified relationship coach Lesli Doares, “67 percent of disagreements in a relationship never get resolved and they don’t need to, but the other 33 percent, if not resolved, can lead to the end of the relationship.”

Doares notes that these dealbreakers are often “desires of one partner for the relationship to get more serious, personal beliefs and values, the kind of lifestyle each person wants to live, and wanting to have children.”

3 You hold your partner to unrealistic standards.

Many people will avoid conflict and pretend that issues in their relationship don’t exist simply because they live in fear of being alone. However, this strategy backfires, as all conflicts will rear their ugly heads eventually—and by then, it’s usually too late to solve them.

“Being afraid of being alone, and thus willing to accept any relationship no matter how unhealthy, is another common pattern that keeps relationships from working,” says Doares. “Appropriate boundaries need to be identified and enforced.”

5 You rely on body language to convey your feelings.

In addition to body language, sarcastic comments can be a passive-aggressive way of communicating one’s feelings. A few harmless jokes here and there are completely normal, but when those jokes take on a biting edge, they could be a sign of trouble.

“Passive-aggressive comments or frequent sarcasm stand in the way of more tender vulnerable moments in a marriage,” Nicole Rainey, licensed mental health counselor and co-owner of Mosaic Creative Counseling, previously told Best Life. And depending on the nature of the comment, they can hurt the other person’s feelings and cause them to build up resentment.

7 You compare your relationship to everyone else’s.

Compromising isn’t just about letting your spouse choose which restaurant you go to every once in a while. It’s also about making sacrifices for the betterment of the relationship, including during arguments. But in a relationship that’s reaching its breaking point, you might find that either you or your partner refuse to accept any of the blame, with one of you painting yourself as the victim.

“We are all taught a language of blame when we feel powerful emotions,” says Carey Davidson, self-mastery expert, and author of The Five Archetypes. “It’s so much easier to become a victim than it is to think about our emotions as our body’s way of telling us [that] our core needs for growth aren’t being met.”

9 You don’t forgive or forget.