The Dangerous Relationship Between Empaths & Narcissists

What Happens When an Empath Decides to Leave a Narcissist?

Leaving any relationship is challenging. But ending a relationship with a narcissist tends to be far more difficult. You may struggle with a perpetual inner conflict about leaving; on the one hand, you might feel ready to say goodbye and move on, but you might also feel guilty, afraid, or anxious about taking such a drastic step.

When leaving this kind of relationship, it’s essential to have support in place. This is the time to lean on your close friends and family. Do not hesitate to reach out for help. If possible, consider connecting with an experienced trauma therapist specializing in people leaving abusive relationships through an online therapy platform or in person. You may benefit from trauma therapy or EMDR to heal.

How Empaths Can Protect Themselves From a Narcissist

Trying to deal with a narcissist will be difficult. To manage a situation with a narcissist, setting firm boundaries, getting an outsider’s perspective, and not giving in to their facades are great places to start.

Here are four ways to protect yourself from a narcissist if you’re an empath:

1. Set Clear Boundaries

First, it’s important to set firm boundaries and understand that the narcissist will try to push and test these limits. Setting boundaries from the start may seem unfair to those who have a sense of self and can empathize with others, but remember, the narcissist will take as much as you give, without giving anything back. If they get angry and attack or threaten to leave you, you will see their true colors from the beginning.

2. Take an Outsider’s Perspective

Don’t be fooled into thinking that your efforts will be appreciated—instead, recognize what the relationship looks like from an outside view. Talking to a therapist who has an unbiased perspective can help ensure you’ve got a clear understanding of the situation and are setting appropriate boundaries.4

3. Remember That They Won’t Reciprocate

Soothing their hurt ego or feelings won’t help the narcissist with their struggle with accountability, especially at the expense of your own emotions. Furthermore, you will not be appreciated for your valiant efforts. The narcissist will give nothing in return, and it will likely become a cycle where you will feel a pull to help them while they never show up for you.

4. Don’t Give Second Chances

Second chances are the favorite appeal of narcissists. They thrive on starting this cycle of abuse and watching you spiral. If they feel they are going to lose you—and the attention they get from you—the narcissist will do what they need to do to ensure you stick around and fall right back into the same habits. They will put on a show for a while until you are convinced that giving a second chance is worth the risk, and you will fall right back into the same cycle of psychological abuse. This is how a trauma bond forms.5

When & How a Therapist Can Help

The right time to get help with these narcissist relationship patterns is when it’s identified by one or both partners as an issue in the relationship. It can be challenging to talk about with your partner, so it’s important to consider individual or couples therapy, depending on what your issues are. Given the emotionally volatile and potentially abusive nature of these relationships, it’s important to seek help immediately if you feel you are in danger of any kind. Asking if narcissists are dangerous is a legitimate question that should be considered in these situations.

Any type of mental health clinician is able to facilitate therapy for narcissistic and empathetic relationship dysfunction as long as they have the experience. Seeking therapy is a big challenge for those with narcissistic personality disorder due to the major gaps in self-awareness that don’t allow them to recognize areas for self-improvement. It may be likely that the empath in the relationship is the one to initiate therapy.

How to Find a Therapist

One great way to find a therapist for these types of relationships is by searching an online therapist directory. All licensed therapists can be equipped to help people struggling with mental health issues, but you may want to look for someone who specializes in narcissism. Reading reviews and looking at clinician bios to understand the scope of their practice can give you an idea of whether their experience suits your situation. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation to help you know if you’ll be a good fit.

Another way to locate a therapist is by referral, which can come from a trusted loved one or a physician. Healthcare providers often have access to a network of other providers who can be helpful. Going through your physician or specialist is also a great way to keep them in the loop about any treatment options or trauma experienced.