The Incredible Story Of History's Most Influential Penis

Penis Forgery!

Razy's dinger did what it do for a while, which was shrivel and retreat from the public eye, only this time it was for over half a century. But in 1994, it came out of hiding once again, this time in the possession of an American collector who showed up and claimed that not only did he weirdly have a spare dick in his possession, but it belonged to the Mad Monk himself.

This man claimed that he found it in a storage locker, scattered among other artifacts that once belonged to Rasputin. And to be honest, this is a pretty strong claim. Take a look at one of those storage places and tell me it doesn't scream "There are at least five years' worth of National Geographics in there, an old piano, and countless severed penises." Naturally, this dude was totally full of shit, as for some reason, he agreed to have tests done on the item. And what they found was not a penis, but what oceanographers frequently call "the dick of the deep": a genuine sea cucumber.

You do have to give it to this man, though, as that's an absurd level of commitment for something that's not even remotely in the wheelhouse of good penis forgery. I'd like to think the next move for this "collector" was to bring George Washington's personal writing desk onto Antiques Roadshow, just to have an appraiser whose only job is to identify presidential writing surfaces tell him that this thing is made out of graham crackers and to please get the fuck out.

Still, I don't want any of that to distract from the matter at hand, which is that nearly 80 years after Rasputin's death, there was still enough of an aura around his detached member that merely claiming to have it in your possession could get you headlines.

Related: 5 Famous Historical Figures You Didn't Know Were Perverts