Tony Soprano: Borderline (Disordered) Character

There is no doubt that James Gandolfini was an amazing actor (I loved him in everything from True Romance and Get Shorty to Where the Wild Things Are), but it was in playing Tony Soprano that he hit the peak of genius for me. Tony could’ve been a simple mobster with some issues, but the writers and Mr Gandolfini made him a complex man and an icon of the TV anti-hero And, whether he realized it or not, possibly the first male borderline in pop culture.

In order to show what I’m talking about I’ll go through the 9 key symptoms in Borderline Personality Disorder and show just how mobster Tony Soprano fits them.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

Almost from the very first scene the concept of Tony being left, abandoned, and his worry/upset over it is a key theme. As the ducks that have taken up residence in the Sopranos pool take off Tony is left standing, watching, with a look of utter emptiness on his face. Throughout the show he tries to prevent others from leaving him - his crew, his wife, his girlfriends, his therapist - and when they even appear to be making moves towards that choice he grows furious. When his therapist, Dr Melfi, tries to get rid of him he alternatively flips out on her and tries to tempt his way back into her care via gifts and drop-bys at her office (sometimes alternating between the two methods in the same interaction). When his wife declares she wants a divorce - and chooses to disclose a crush on a member of his crew - Tony explodes and turns physical in punching a wall by her head.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationship:

This symptom is characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, something Tony shows in many of his relationships. The most obvious one is with his mother, Livia. “She was a saint…fuck her!” was his often uttered thought about her. (Of course Livia had her own severe instabilities stemming from, yes, a borderline personality.) But that sort of same-breath love/loathe way of seeing someone wasn’t just held for his mom. Tony felt the same way about nearly everyone. His crew the best and most loyal guys around, until they were ungrateful pricks up his ass and trying to stab him in the back all the time. His wife was amazing, until she made him put with her whiny bullshit. His kids were great and he was incredibly proud of them, but also spoiled brats. His therapist really got him, but she was also a bitch who didn’t understand at all. There are countless times Tony would compliment a person in his life only to declare “fuck him/her/them” and then backtrack into singing their praises once more (sometimes in virtually the same sentence).

Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self:

I think Tony knows, for the most part, who he is in the sense of being a mob boss and family man. How he feels about how he’s doing might be another matter though. He swings between feeling fantastic and fully in charge of everything and everyone in his world to feeling stressed out and overwhelmed by those same things. He’s the cock of the walk until he’s barely able to function from self-loathing and depression. (Doubt he hates himself on occasion? Here’s his reaction to finding out his son, AJ, suffers from depression like him: “It’s in his blood, this miserable fucking existence. My rotten fucking putrid genes have infected my kid’s soul. That’s my gift to my son.”)

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating):

Tony is impulsively violent (not listed, but I think it counts), to the point that he’s killed more than one person in a rage. For a mob boss this might not seem a problem, but it proved to be given some of these other people weren’t just made guys they were also connected to other families. It’s a big no-no to kill a made man without a sit-down with all pertinent parties and even more so when the man isn’t directly/fully under your command. Tony also indulges in women without seeming to notice they’re a potential risk…once he seemed to even consider making sexual advances on his cousin, Christopher’s, fiance. He didn’t, but he did bed a number of other women many of whom seemed mentally unstable in their own way. A way that could’ve proved very damaging to Tony’s marriage, family, and possibly even his business depending on what they knew about him. …He’s also known for drinking, gambling, and eating in excess at times.

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior:

There’s been more than one occasion in which Tony has considered suicide. He never seemed to truly try and act on it, at least never consciously, but he spoke of it more than once. In therapy, in a mix of frustration and depression, he would wonder what the point of "it all” was. Mostly Tony’s mentions of suicide would run into the threat department, but here I think the key is that he thought about it and more than in passing.

Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days):

Tony Soprano had waves of such anxiety at times that he would actually pass out. One minute he would be fine, cracking jokes at a BBQ or playing nice at a fancy clubhouse gathering, and the next he was hyperventilating into unconsciousness. Even when not suffering from his full-on depression Tony has moments in which he just feels bummed out. When he just mopes about in his bathrobe griping and sniping at those around him. And irritability? Sometimes it’s the little things that set Tony off; those minor irritations that can cause him to blow-up like the food he wanted having been eaten and the bartender at strip club Bada Bing saying something (in Tony’s opinion) stupid.

Chronic feelings of emptiness:

All one must do is recall this quote concerning his depression: “This isn’t painful. Getting shot is painful. Getting stabbed in the ribs is painful. This shit isn’t painful. It’s empty… dead." But more than that it’s in his facial expressions. When alone or when he thinks others aren’t looking Tony’s look becomes a mix of (possibly) thoughtful and deep and just…blank and depressive.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights):

As mentioned before Tony’s beaten others to death and they’ve been over infractions big and small. Most mobsters prefer the whole "it’s nothing personal, it’s strictly business”, but Tony’s not always functioned that way. He’s let his anger rule more than once and not just in business. At home and in therapy he’s been explosive with rage. Punching in walls (home), breaking tables (therapy), and once even getting into a physical altercation with his son over the boy’s disrespect.

Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms:

…I gotta come clean…I got nothing on this one. I’d say Tony could have paranoid thoughts given he’s often worried about those around him betraying (and killing) him, but given his profession it’s not unreasonable to think that. They do seem to come up more frequently when Tony feels stressed/anxious, but, again, given his profession this would make sense. There are times when Tony zones out, which could be seen as a dissociation, but it seems more that he’s lost in thought than anything.