Topping, Bottoming And Maintaining An Erection

This post is in response to questions people have sent to me. It is a very personal issue that I have experience with and I really hope that this information can help people understand their bodies a bit better and improve their sex life.

So what is topping and bottoming?

Topping is fucking someone anally, and is great because, well, you’re fucking someone. The downside that a lot of guys face when it comes to sex is that they struggle to maintain an erection hard enough to fuck someone. This means that a lot of guys bottom only.

Bottoming is is getting fucked anally, and this can feel super amazing too (sometimes even more so than topping). The downside some guys experience is that they will only top because they find it very difficult or painful to receive anal sex.

This post addresses the first issue; it is about erections and finding ways to give topping a go.

I often find it difficult to get hard enough to fuck someone, and when it’s anal sex you generally need to be quite hard to fuck because butt holes can be pretty tight. There are a large number of factors that influence how hard you are. Here are some ways of getting around them…

Condoms: My number one issue with topping is using a condom. This really frustrates me because I think condoms are great and I would never have sex without one. I am definitely not advocating going bareback – for some people this works but I personally do not think it is worth the risk. My issue is that the condom is normally too rough on the head of my penis and causes discomfort. I like to put extra lube in the condom which helps a lot, though with this comes the risk that the condom can slip off if you use too much. If you do do this, be sure to hold the end of the condom to stop it slipping, at least for the first couple of times until you get used to it.

Stimulating lubes: These work well for some people. My favourite lube to use (I have a video to post about it very soon) is Durex Play guranna. It is not designed to be a heating lube but I find it creates a slight tingling that really boosts my pleasure responses. Now I am quite sensitive so this particular lube may not have the same effect for others but there are stronger warming lubes available to play around with.

Cock rings: Cock rings work by restricting blood flow out of the penis. There are a number of different kinds you can get; some go around the base of your shaft, some go around your dick and balls all in one go and some have multiple loops. They come in vibrating and non vibrating and a whole bunch of other things. I suggest an adjustable cock ring to start out with. I would also say not to leave one on for longer than half an hour, especially when you’re just getting used to them. Adjustable cock rings are normally super cheap so it is worthwhile giving it a go. Make sure you practice using it before trying with a partner so you know what to expect. And don’t worry about feeling self conscious. It can definitely feel embarrassing to use a cock ring with someone else, especially if you are a younger guy, but you deserve to get as much pleasure as you can and if a cock ring helps you out then go for it!

Prostate stimulation: Now this is my favourite part of the post where I get to tell you about the wonders of the prostate. It is a gland that can be felt inside a guy’s anus. If you stimulate it you can get harder, longer lasting erections, bigger, stronger loads and more pleasure overall; and the best part about the prostate is that if you start to train it up these benefits will stick around, even during sessions where your prostate isn’t being stimulated at all!

Prostate stimulation doesn’t mean having a massive dildo up your bum (though it can if you want it to), just one finger can be enough. There are a lot of resources on the internet teaching you how to give a safe prostate massage and I recommend checking out as many of these as you can before giving it a go. My favourite place to look for this is on YouTube.

I won’t go into all the details because there is a lot to say about prostate play and I think it deserves its own post (or video even). I will say though that I made sure I was comfortable with anal stimulation first before I went to my p spot. A dildo really helped with this and I recommend getting one. Remember that anal toys have to have a base on them so that they don’t get completely sucked up inside. Never let this happen as you will end up in the emergency room. Also, as soon as it comes to anything anal, USE LUBE! Use lots of lube with your fingers or a toy that is safe to put in your bum. I definitely say take the leap and buy some lube and a basic dildo or butt plug. They don’t have to cost you a fortune and you can buy them online. Shipping is always very discreet and if you are still worried see if you could get them sent to a friend’s address (although tell your friend first!).

One other quick tip before I move onto the next point is that it really helps to know how the muscles in your anus work. There are two rings of muscle in your anus; if you curve two fingers around together that’s about the distance apart they are. If you finger yourself, the first ring of muscle is the sphincter that you have control over. You can clench and relax this one and it is the easiest to get through so long as you are relaxed. The next ring is controlled by your body and requires relaxation, lube and patience to get though. After that you are inside and good to go. The two rings are full of wonderful nerve endings that feel super sexy when you touch them. Aside from them the only other erogenous zone in your bum is your prostate.

Since I started getting sexy with my prostate the overall quality of my masturbation and sex has considerably increased. It is easier to get hard and cumming is far more intense. I think every guy owes it to himself to give prostate play a go.

Warming up the receiver’s butt: If you are about to fuck someone it really helps if they are already stretched out to around the size you cock is going to be. You will be able to put yourself in faster and get straight into fucking. It is a lot of fun to fuck someone with a toy and a great thing to do while you get yourself hard. Give your partner a massage and when you get down to their butt start playing with their hole and fucking them with the dildo. This makes them feel super special and takes the attention off you so you can feel comfortable and fuck them if and when you are ready.

At the end of the day honesty and a sense of humor are the two best things to have. If you talk to your sex partner(s) about what you do and don’t like and listen to what they have to say then you will both know where each other stands and you will feel far more comfortable. It is not sexy to lie when it comes to sex, it is just unsafe and difficult. Work out what you do and don’t like and what you do and don’t want to try before you have sex with someone. Then you can be honest with yourself and with them.

Sex is hilarious and fun and things do go wrong. You can laugh or you can cry, it’s up to you, but some of the best sex I have had had a whole lot of things go wrong. If you laugh about the accidental fart or the cramp that made you do some funny movement then it is dealt with and you can get on with more sex and cuddling and fun and your dick has it’s best chance of getting hard and staying hard.

Responses, questions and other feedback can be posted here or sent to [email protected]

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