Trying To Stop Being Horny? 11 Things To Know - Healthline

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HealthlineSubscribeNo, You’re Probably Not ‘Too Horny’

Medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD — Written by Crystal Raypole — Updated on June 13, 2025

It's natural
Stereotypes
Acceptance
How to focus
Seek help if
Takeaway

Being horny is a natural part of human sexuality, but it can sometimes bring up unwanted feelings when you’re trying to concentrate on work or something else.

Feelings of sexual desire can also trigger a more distressing internal experience for some people. You might, for example, have feelings of guilt or shame if you grew up absorbing messages such as:

sex outside of marriage is wrong
only men and women should have sex with each other
women who enjoy sex are “sluts”

None of the above statements is true, but frequent exposure to them can stick with you. When you experience sexual thoughts that go against them, you might feel bad about those feelings and want to make them go away.

First, it’s natural to think about sex

Remember those myths above? They’re fairly common, so plenty of people grew up hearing and internalizing them. This kind of messaging can make thoughts about sex particularly distressing if you:

are a woman
are unmarried
are not cisgender
are not heterosexual

But here’s the truth about sex: It’s both natural and healthy when practiced by consenting adults.

Thinking about sex is also completely natural, even if you seem to do it at odd times (when you’re grocery shopping, for example). It can be useful, too, since it lets you know who you’re attracted to and can help you decide when you want to have sex with someone.

Of course, not everyone feels sexual desire, and that’s natural and healthy, too.

It’s important to let go of stigma and unlearn stereotypes

Ideas around sexual desire and arousal are often deeply entrenched in outdated stereotypes and myths.

LGBTQIA+ myths

Research has debunked many stereotypes around people who are LGBTQIA+ and sexual desire, including:

Queer people have very high sex drives.
Gay men have very high sex drives but don’t want relationships.
Queer people have sex “obsessions.”

LGBTQIA+ people (like everyone else) can have varying levels of interest in sex.

Men vs. women myths

Other stereotypes include the idea that men have a higher libido than women. Some older research supports this idea, but keep in mind:

Some men may think about sex more often, but this generalization doesn’t hold for everyone.
Very little research has explored high sexual interest in women, and a lack of evidence isn’t the same thing as conclusive proof.
Even if men dohave higher sex drives than people of other genders, people of other genders can still enjoy sex, want to have sex, and think about sex often.

Plus, 2016 research suggests that heterosexual women have more interest in sex than their partners believe.

How to accept sexual feelings

There are certainly times when sexual thoughts can be frustrating or distracting (more on how to handle this later). But it’s important to accept them for what they are: a natural part of the human experience for many people.

Increase your exposure

Reading books or watching TV shows and movies featuring characters who have similar sexual desires to yours may help you feel a bit more comfortable.

It’s not always easy to find content like this, but positive media portrayals of sexually empowered women and queer people are increasing.

You don’t have to turn to erotica or porn for exposure (unless you want to!). It’s absolutely possible to relate to sexy scenes that never get explicit. However, porn can be a safe (and healthy) way for adults to explore new interests and desires, so there’s no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed if it feels helpful to you.

Talk about your feelings

It can feel a little awkward to talk about sex, especially if you’re still adjusting to your sexuality. It’s not uncommon to completely avoid conversations about sexuality, horniness, and related topics, even with a sexual partner.

You should never feel forced to have conversations about sex. Talking with people you trust can be eye-opening, though, as you might find they have similar feelings (and maybe worry about the same things).

It may help to jot down some notes or review what you want to say. For example, if you’re going to talk with a partner, write down the kinds of sexual activity you think about and might want to try.

Try masturbation

If you grew up thinking masturbation was sinful or didn’t hear much about it one way or the other, you probably never learned that masturbation is both natural and healthy. This could leave you with some feelings of shame or confusion around getting off.

Gender-specific terms for genitals can also complicate masturbation for some transgender or nonbinary people if they feel somewhat disconnected from body parts that don’t match their internal sense of self.

Masturbation can have a lot of benefits, though, beyond sexual release. It can help you get more comfortable with your body and learn more about how you like to be touched.

Not sure where to start? Check out this guide to solo sex for people of all anatomies.

Tips for bringing your focus back

If sexual thoughts are making it hard to concentrate on the task at hand, these strategies can help you redirect your mind.

Set the thoughts aside for later

When horny thoughts come up, acknowledge them briefly and then mentally set them aside. This doesn’t mean you reject or suppress the thought, which can lead to feelings of guilt or shame later on.

By accepting the thought and committing to exploring it later, you’re validating that thought and your needs. This can help it fade into the background and allow you to return your attention to the task at hand.

Put on some music

If you’re driving, trying to complete a report, or doing something else that needs your full attention, music can be a good way to quiet distracting thoughts.

Take a short break

If you’ve studied a little too long or spent more time on a repetitive work task than you intended, your thoughts may start to wander.

Give yourself a brief break to interrupt fatigue and boredom. Get a drink, have a snack, take a walk, or try all three.

Taking care of physical needs can have a positive impact on your emotional mindset. Even briefly changing your environment may help you “reset” your thoughts and get them back on track.

Get it out of your system

If you can’t escape your thoughts, grab a piece of paper and write the details down (just make sure you’re in a safe place to do so). Save the paper to give to a partner when you see them next.

This strategy can distract you in the moment and help foster a deeper connection with your partner later, especially if you’ve written down something you haven’t felt bold enough to say in person.

Just avoid sexting, which will probably leave you constantly checking your phone for replies.

When to consult a mental health professional

Sometimes, unwanted sexual thoughts or desires may be a sign of something worth exploring with a therapist who specializes in human sexuality.

You feel shame or guilt

It’s natural for people who grew up in sexually restrictive religions or cultures to need some extra help accepting their feelings. Even if you didn’t grow up this way, you might still have some lingering shame.

A therapist can help you:

learn more about healthy sexuality and behavior
explore ways to get in touch with your sexuality
work through any suppressed desires affecting your romantic relationships

You can’t control your thoughts

Do you ever carry out specific actions or rituals to help you get rid of an unwanted sexual thought? This can be a sign of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

If you have OCD symptoms, it’s important to talk with a therapist who can help you develop a care plan.

Therapy can also help you cope with intrusive thoughts, which can happen with OCD. They may involve disturbing sexual images that don’t cause horniness, including illegal or harmful sexual practices. Having these thoughts doesn’t mean you’re bad or that you’ll act on them, but they can still be deeply upsetting.

In some cases, difficulty managing horniness or spending more time masturbating and having sex than you want to can be symptoms of hypersexuality, or compulsive sexual behavior. If you notice these signs, talking with a compassionate therapist can be a good start.

The bottom line

Your mind is your own personal space, and it’s natural for sexual thoughts to pass through. You don’t necessarily have to get rid of these thoughts.

If they don’t negatively affect what you’re doing, distract you in a dangerous way, or cause you or anyone else distress, there’s no need to feel concerned about feeling horny.

How we reviewed this article:

SourcesHistoryHealthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. We only use quality, credible sources to ensure content accuracy and integrity. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

Baumeister RF, et al. (2001). Is there a gender difference in strength of sex drive? Theoretical views, conceptual distinctions, and a review of relevant evidence.https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0503_5
Efrati Y. (2018). God, I can't stop thinking about sex! The rebound effect in unsuccessful suppression of sexual thoughts among religious adolescents.https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2018.1461796
Felmlee D, et al. (2010). Fairy tales: Attraction and stereotypes in same-gender relationships.https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2844533/
Is masturbation healthy? (n.d.).https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/masturbation/masturbation-healthy
Muise A, et al. (2016). Not in the mood? Men under- (not over-) perceive their partner's sexual desire in established intimate relationships.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27176775/

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Medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD — Written by Crystal Raypole — Updated on June 13, 2025

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