What Does It Mean To Be A Switch In Lesbian Sex? - Autostraddle

Hello and welcome to part three of our series on what the hell we mean when we say “top,” “bottom” or “switch!” Two weeks ago we talked about bottoms and submissives, last week we talked about tops and dominants, and this week we’re getting switchy, and also talking about people who don’t use these terms at all. Let’s get into it.

The Tops, Bottoms and Switches Sex Survey

Three weeks ago, I sent out a survey about these terms, and over 3.6k people showed up to share their tops and bottoms with me. These are the respondents’ demographics:

I’ve been going through the data gradually over the course of the month — next week we’ll talk about sub-identities and the week after that we’ll talk about not-previously-discussed interesting trends in the data as a whole. Each week’s data builds on last week’s, we’ve all had a great nerdy sexy time with this and will continue to do so.

How Many Switches Are Out There?

Despite all the talk of tops and bottoms within the queer community, our survey revealed that people who identify specifically as tops or bottoms are in the minority overall. We switches, however, are ABUNDANT.

What Is Switching?

Before queer women’s culture adopted top/bottom as terminology relevant to non-kinky sex, the terms were primarily used by gay men, or in kink or BDSM contexts by both straight and LGBTQ+ people. However, the term “versatile” or “vers” tends to be employed in those contexts as often as “switch.” (Most see “versatile” and “switch” as interchangeable, others don’t.)

There was obviously more consensus here than for tops and bottoms as defining “switch” rests heavily on pre-declared definitions of “top” and “bottom.” Switches were described as being interested in: topping and bottoming, giving and receiving, fucking and getting fucked, being the aggressor and the submissive, having control and not having it, giving and receiving pleasure, leading and following. Of course, there are plenty of sexual acts that aren’t easily defined by topping/bottoming, although top/bottom dynamics can absolutely be present in side-by-side grinding or even mutual masturbation — maybe this is less so when switches are involved, maybe not! Who can say!

What Do Switches Like to Do in Bed?

Despite a stated equal interest in giving and receiving most sexual acts, there were a few acts for which the percentage of switches who were down for giving exceeded the number who were up for receiving. The biggest disparities of that nature were for vaginal fingering (13%), genital oral sex (11%), nipple play (12.5%) and anal (8.7%).

I noticed that in many areas, the percentage of switches interested in a certain sexual act or dating behavior was usually just slightly below the interest of tops (for top-associated) things, or of bottoms (for bottom-associated things). Here’s an infographic about that:

Switches: we sure are switchy!

So, Being a “Switch” Can Mean…

Doing a Little Bit of Both

“[A switch is someone] who spends time in both roles,” wrote one kinky lesbian femme, “but not just ‘she fucks me then I fuck her quickly afterwards’ but someone who enjoys equally spending time in each role.”

Preferring One, But Being Down For Both

Others indicated that an interest in both positions did not preclude a preference towards one. One trans lesbian who also identifies as a submissive described being a switch as: “Someone who can play either role but not necessarily in a 50/50 capacity; some people can lean more towards top and vice-versa.”

A lesbian femme added to her description that “a person could also PREFER being a top/bottom, but still enjoys both.”

Doing One Or The Other Depending On…

Their partner’s preference.

“I’ve fulfilled both roles (top/bottom) in my life,” said one queer woman. “I definitely prefer to bottom but will top if the person I am sleeping with prefers to bottom.”

“If I’m with someone who’s a great bottom, I like topping them,” said a soft butch lesbian. “But if I’m with someone who’s a great top, I like it when they top me.”

Sometimes, the switch identity is still in theoretical stages due to a perceived lack of experience with both, like the lesbian who wrote: “My ex-girlfriend very strongly identified as a bottom, so I ended up topping a lot more with her, which I enjoyed, but I’m still unclear if I liked that because I liked topping or just because I liked topping her, or just because I liked her, period. I feel like unless you have a lot of sexual partners, it’s hard to sort of nail these things down.”

Other aspects of their partner’s identity.

“I tend to want to be dominant with women younger than me and submissive with older women,” wrote a masculine/hard femme woman. “Overall I’m naturally more of a ‘top’ but I do like the idea of being a ‘bottom’ in the right situation or with the right person.”