What Does It Mean To Be Both Aromantic And Asexual? - Healthline

Maybe your like

HealthlineSubscribe

LGBTQIA+ Health

What Does It Mean to Be Both Aromantic and Asexual?

Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST — Written by Sian Ferguson — Updated on March 25, 2022

Aromantic, defined
Asexual, defined
Aromantic and asexual
Other ace identities
Common characteristics
In relationships
No relationships
Sex
Where you fit
Learn more

Aromantic refers to people who experience little to no romantic attraction, while asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction. Some people identify as both.

The terms “aromantic” and “asexual” don’t mean the same thing.

Some people may identify as both aromantic and asexual. However, identifying with one of those terms doesn’t mean you necessarily identify with the other.

Here’s what you need to know about being aromantic, asexual, or both.

What does it mean to be aromantic?

Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.

Romantic attraction is about wanting a committed romantic relationship with someone. The definition of a romantic relationship can differ from person to person.

Some aromantic people have romantic relationships anyway or may still desire a romantic relationship without feeling romantic attraction toward a specific person.

The opposite of an aromantic person is someone who does experience romantic attraction. This type of person is referred to as alloromantic.

What does it mean to be asexual?

Asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction.

In other words, they feel limited, if any, desire to have sex with other people. Asexuality is a spectrum, and some asexual people feel more sexual attraction than others.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that asexual people don’t ever have sex — it’s possible to have sex with someone without feeling sexually attracted to them. Some people in the asexual community do not have sex, while others may still choose to have sex for a number of reasons.

The opposite of an asexual person is someone who does experience sexual attraction. This type of person is referred to as allosexual.

What does it mean to identify with both?

Not all asexual people are aromantic, and not all aromantic people are asexual — but some people are both.

People who are both aromantic and asexual experience little to no sexual or romantic attraction. That doesn’t mean they don’t get into romantic relationships or have sex, though.

A person who identifies as asexual and aromantic may fall on completely different places on either spectrum.

Are there other identities under the asexual and aromantic umbrella?

There are many other terms people use to describe their sexual and romantic identities.

Some of the identities under the asexual or aromantic umbrella include:

Graysexual or grayromantic. The terms “graysexual” or “grayromantic” refer to someone who experiences very limited sexual or romantic attraction. They may experience sexual or romantic attraction rarely or at very low intensity.
Demisexual or demiromantic. The terms “demisexual” or “demiromantic” refer to someone who can feel sexually or romantically attracted only to a person they already have a strong connection with.
Reciprosexual or recipromantic. These terms refer to someone who feels sexually or romantically attracted only to someone who is sexually or romantically attracted to them first.
Akiosexual or akioromantic. These terms refer to someone who can feel sexual or romantic attraction but doesn’t want those feelings to be returned by whoever they’re attracted to.
Aceflux or aroflux. These terms refer to someone whose capacity for sexual or romantic attraction changes over time.

You could identify with one or more of these terms, and your identity might shift over time.

What does this look like in practice?

Every aromantic asexual person is different, and each person has unique experiences when it comes to relationships.

However, if you are both aromantic and asexual, you might identify with one or more of the following:

You’ve had little desire for a sexual or romantic relationship with a specific person.
You struggle to imagine what it feels like to be in love.
You struggle to imagine what lust feels like.
When other people talk about feeling sexually or romantically attracted to someone, you can’t really relate.
You feel neutral or even repulsed by the idea of having sex or being in a romantic relationship.
You’re not sure if you only feel the need to have sex or be in relationships because that’s what is expected of you.

What does this mean for partnered relationships?

Aromantic asexual people might still have romantic or sexual relationships, depending on their feelings.

There are, after all, many motivations for having sex with someone or getting into a relationship — it’s not all about being attracted to them.

Remember that being aromantic and asexual doesn’t mean someone is incapable of love or commitment.

Outside of sexual attraction, people might want to have sex in order to:

have children
give or receive pleasure
bond with their partner
express affection
experiment

Similarly, outside of romantic attraction, people might want to have romantic relationships in order to:

co-parent with someone
commit to someone they love
provide and receive emotional support

Is it OK to not want a relationship at all?

Yes! You don’t need to be in a romantic or sexual relationship to be happy.

Social support is important, but you can get that from cultivating close friendships and familial relationships — something everyone should do, with or without romantic relationships in their lives.

Some asexual or aromantic people may prefer “queerplatonic relationships,” a term that refers to close relationships that aren’t necessarily romantic or sexual. They’re closer than an average friendship.

For example, a queerplatonic relationship could involve living together, co-parenting, giving each other emotional and social support, or sharing finances and responsibilities.

What about sex?

It is OK to not want to have sex. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or that it’s an issue you need to fix.

Some asexual people do have sex, and some masturbate. Some don’t have sex.

Asexual people might be:

Sex-averse: meaning they don’t want to have sex and find the thought unappealing
Sex-indifferent: meaning they don’t feel strongly about sex either way
Sex-favorable: meaning they enjoy some aspects of sex, even if they don’t experience that sort of attraction

People might find that their feelings toward sex fluctuate over time.

How do you know if this is where you fit under the ace umbrella, if at all?

There’s no test to determine your sexual or romantic orientation — and that can make it pretty tough to figure out.

If you’re unsure whether you fit under the asexual/aromantic umbrella, you may consider the following:

Join forums or groups — such as the AVEN forums or Reddit forums — where you can read about others’ experiences as asexual and aromantic people. This might help you figure out your own feelings.
Talk with a trusted friend who understands what asexuality and aromanticism are.
Join asexual- and aromantic-friendly LGBTQIA+ groups to connect with like-minded people in person.
Do a little introspection and consider your feelings about sexual and romantic attraction.

Ultimately, only you can determine what your identity is.

Remember that every asexual or aromantic person is different and each person has their own unique experiences and feelings when it comes to relationships.

Where can you learn more?

There are a number of online resources for people who want to learn more about asexuality and aromanticism.

Here are a few:

Asexual Visibility and Education Network, where you can search the definitions of different words relating to sexuality and orientation
The Trevor Project, which offers crisis intervention and emotional support to queer youth, including young asexual and aromantic people
Asexual Groups, a website that lists asexual groups all over the world, as does Aces & Aros
local asexual or aromantic groups and Facebook groups
forums like the AVEN forum and the Asexuality subreddit

Sian Ferguson is a freelance health and cannabis writer based in Cape Town, South Africa. She’s passionate about empowering readers to take care of their mental and physical health through science-based, empathetically delivered information.

How we reviewed this article:

SourcesHistoryHealthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. We only use quality, credible sources to ensure content accuracy and integrity. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

Ace & are spectrum definitions. (n.d.).https://www.oulgbtq.org/acearo-spectrum-definitions.html
Asexuality 101. (n.d.).https://depts.washington.edu/qcenter/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/Asexuality-101-1.pdf
General FAQ. (n.d.).https://www.asexuality.org/?q=general.html
Pasquier M. (2018). Explore the spectrum: Guide to finding your ace community.https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community
Understanding asexuality. (n.d.).https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/

Share this article

Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST — Written by Sian Ferguson — Updated on March 25, 2022

Health Conditions

Condition Spotlight

Wellness Topics

Product Reviews

Featured Programs

Featured

Lessons

Newsletters

Lifestyle Quizzes

Health News

This Just In

Top Reads

Video Series

Find Your Bezzy Community

Follow us on social media