What Is A Rim Job? - Cosmopolitan

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• What is a rim job?
• Who is rimming for?
• Is rimming safe?
• How to prepare for rimming
• Rimming: A step by step guide

Rimming, ass licking, analingus (if we want to use its 'proper' name), or simply a rim job, involves licking, penetrating with the tongue, sucking, kissing, or otherwise orally stimulating your partner’s bum. Despite the misconceptions out there, rimming is not merely a stop on the road to anal sex — it’s a fun sexual activity in its own right that can be enjoyed by people of all gender and sexual identities, if they so wish. Some people might consider it the main sex act of the day while other people might view it as a way to prepare for anal sex — it’s totally up to the individual and their partner, and what they both fancy.

As with *every* sexual activity between consensual partners, trust and communication are necessary for enjoyable rimming. Thankfully, Jess Wilde, sex and bondage expert at Lovehoney, was able to share her invaluable wisdom on what a rim job is, and give her advice and tips for the best ways of giving and enjoying a rimming.

What is a rim job?

A rim job is when one partner licks, kisses, sucks, and stimulates their partner’s anus with their mouth and tongue. It doesn’t have to always involve penetration of the tongue, but it can if you and your partner are into it! It can be a wonderful, pleasurable act on its own. But it can also be a great way to prepare for anal sex and get comfortable and ready for penetration.

Who is rimming for?

Rimming — as long as it's consensual, obvs — is for everyone. Anyone who feels comfortable or curious about the foreplay can give it a go. After all, we've all got an anus, meaning it can be enjoyed whatever your sexual orientation.

Is rimming safe?

Even with a thorough clean, a lot of people still feel a little uneasy with direct tongue-to-butthole contact, and that’s OK! And understandable, given any genital contact can lead to the transfer of bacteria and STIs. If you and your partner haven’t had a recent anal STI check, or if one of you would just feel more comfortable with a barrier between you, pick up a dental dam. They create a physical barrier between you and whatever you’re licking. The person receiving can still feel everything without direct contact. Some are even flavoured for extra delectable derriere licking.

How to prepare for rimming

Once you and your partner have decided that rimming is something you’d like to try, it’s time to prepare. For both of your benefits, it’s a good idea to have a thorough clean before you begin. This can be a bath or shower or, if you want to, you can use an anal douche before you play. It doesn’t matter how you do it, just do it.

If you want to have a really thorough clean, you can try an enema or anal douche. It’s pretty obvious why this is important to the person performing tongue play (taste, smell, bacteria, sweat), but it’s also really important for the receiver. It’s understandable that a lot of people have concerns about cleanliness in that area due to its ‘day job’ (plus it’s pretty tricky to get a good look at your own bumhole), so knowing that you’ve given yourself a jolly good clean will help you relax.

In terms of pubic hair, a lot of people who choose to trim their hair seem to forget that it grows much further than the perineum. Most people have a hairy butthole (even if it’s just a straggler or two.) Don’t believe me? Go take a look in the mirror.

Now, clearly body hair’s a choice, and if you like having short and curlies around your pink balloon knot, then that’s cool. But, if your partner has a real aversion to body hair and you want to have some bum-fun (and are happy to compromise), you might like to consider giving your bot-bot some grooming attention the next time you’re in the area. Not only will it help prevent the old hair-between-the-teeth scenario for your partner, but the less hair you have between your skin and theirs, the easier it’ll be for your partner to get their tongue and lips where you’ll feel it most. Less hair = better stimulation = bum-holy-bliss!

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Rimming: A step by step guide

Preparation over, let's get down to business:

Step 1: Add flavoured lube

We all know that most meals taste better with a little seasoning. Take the same approach when it comes to salad tossing and drizzle your lover’s anus with your favourite flavoured lube. It’ll have the double benefit of helping your lips and tongue slide over sensitive areas, as well as tasting delicious.

Try Lovehoney’s range of flavoured, water-based lubes — we love this strawberry version. You can always give the lube to your partner and get them to pour it wherever they want your tongue to travel..

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Step 2: Start from the outside

Remember – sex is about the journey, not the destination. When it comes to rimming, I recommend roaming, rather than setting your crack-nav to ‘quickest route’. Don’t make a beeline for the B-hole. Explore your partner’s body as much as you can in other ways to excite their mind and awaken their skin before you get to Their Precious (yeah, that was a Lord Of The Rings reference).

Start with the furthest points and work your way in towards the bullseye. You could use a lickable massage oil or lubricant and begin massaging, squeezing, licking, and kissing their bum cheeks and inner thighs.

When you’re ready to start getting closer to your aim, begin gently parting their cheeks so you can see their anus. For now, resist the temptation to touch it. You simply want to tease the area, as close as you can, with your fingers, lips, and mouth, so they’re pretty much begging for it when you’re done.

A great tip to stimulate their actual anus without physical contact is to use your breath. Breathe warm air over their bottom as a final tease before you make contact. When you’ve decided they’ve had enough teasing torture, then it’s time.

Step 3: Experiment

Experiment with different shapes, movements, pressure, and tongue shapes. Some people love a firm lick from a broad, flat tongue, while others need the delicate tickle of the tip of a tongue circling their opening. Everyone is different.

If you and your partner have discussed trying some penetration, you can delve a little deeper. Try poking your tongue into their anus just a little. Really only the first inch or so is uber-sensitive, so it isn’t a case of ‘the deeper the better’ with this sort of play. If you’ve both decided you do want to try this, only very shallow penetration is needed (even if you’ve been blessed with a Gene Simmons tongue!).

Step 4: Pay attention your partner’s body language

For your first time, I recommend taking it slow, experimenting with a few moves and seeing how your partner reacts. Keep an eye and ear on their body language, breathing, and vocal response. If your partner is a quiet one, and you’re not sure how things are going or you like clear communication in the bedroom, you can absolutely check-in with your partner and ask what they like best. Ask if they like it, want to try something different, or want you to keep doing what you’re doing (when your mouth isn’t full, of course!).

Step 5: Use your hands

For extra satisfying rimming pleasure, playing with two or more erogenous zones at the same time will really heighten the pleasure. While your lips are busy with the (rim) job at, er, mouth, why not use your hands to stimulate other areas of their body? Reach up for their nipples, penis, clitoris, or any other hot spot you know they like. Can’t reach? Encourage your partner to play while you lick, or bring in a simple sex toy like a bullet vibrator.

Step 6: Find a rimming position that works for you

Which position you play in should be comfortable and offer easy access to all the areas you want to play with / have played with.

Popular positions include the receiver lying on their back or with legs akimbo, on their stomach with a pillow under their hips, all-fours, face-sitting, or on the edge of a sofa with the giver on their knees. Really, you can experiment to find which works best for you both.

If you feel like advancing analingus further, bringing in toys like spreader bars, sex swings, or position enhancers can be great for this.

Step 7: Try using sex toys

Anal sex toys are a great next step once you’re comfortable with rimming. Start off small with beginner’s anal toys and explore all the incredible sensations they provide. Once you feel a little more confident, there are so many other kinds of toys to try, too: from butt plugs, vibrating butt plugs, anal beads, and prostate massagers.

Looking for a few tips as an anal toy first-timer? If you're flying solo with your sex toy, a dilator set is recommended. Be generous with lotion and take your time. These can be used when coupled up, too: let your partner slide a finger in, before graduating to a butt plug.

Feel like you want to take things a step further? Try using dildos and more lifelike toys, while slowly increasing the length and girth over time.

Or, if you're working towards anal sex with your partner, use the toys as foreplay. This will open you up and relax the muscles.

Finally, cowgirl is probably the best position for newbies. You're able to be fully in control of the depth and speed of penetration with the toy. And, if you're with a partner, you will be easily able to communicate with them.

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