What Is An Angry Pirate? | Metro News

Oh, sex terms. Fun to try out, fun to discuss.

Yes, the wide majority are not things done on the regular (if anyone is regularly giving out blumpkins, please let us know), or even things that you’ll do once.

But part of the joy of sex is its wonderful variety. There’s so much you can do beyond just jamming your genitals together, and we should applaud humankind’s creativity for coming up with some truly strange sexual acts.

Such strange sexual acts include the angry pirate.

Giving someone an angry pirate is not a new phenomenon by any means – you probably heard it discussed in the playground by boys listing sexual acts they’d never done but would pretend they had, such as Supermanning or receiving a rusty trombone – but it’s come back into public attention thanks to Holly Hagan, who mentioned it on reality show Five Star Hotel.

None of us wants to come up short when it comes to watercooler discussions of reality TV, so it’s worth getting up to speed on this sexual act in case it comes up again.

What is an angry pirate?

A warning before you read on: An angry pirate is not pleasant, and we wouldn’t recommend doing it.

Basically it’s when a man is being given a blow job (to get really technical, that’s when someone else is stimulating the penis with their mouth), and decides that when he ejaculates, he’s going to aim his sexual fluids into one of his sexual partner’s eyes.

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Then when the man’s sexual partner expresses rage or shock – which they likely will – the man kicks them in the shin.

The whole idea is to make the sexual partner walk around grumbling and winking… like an angry pirate.

Should you do an angry pirate?

Of course you shouldn’t.

Not to get all serious on you guys, but while an angry pirate might be funny to joke about verbally, it’s not a cool thing to do sexually.

Whatever you do during a sexual encounter needs to be consensual. The other person needs to be enthusiastically up for it.

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Unless your partner has pre-approved you jizzing in their eye and kicking their shin, this is not an okay thing to do – it’s painful, disrespectful, and breaks the trust they’d had in you when they were giving you a blow job (which is quite a lovely thing for them to do be doing in the first place).

It’s also possible to transmit STIs through getting semen in the eye, as well as causing irritation.

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The whole idea is more about laughing at your sexual partner’s pain and anger rather than giving and receiving sexual pleasure. And if that’s what you’re more excited about, maybe you shouldn’t be having sex with this person.

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