What's Wrong With Self-Help? - Six Seconds

3. Is self-help selfish?

Self-help is, naturally, about the self. But a growing body of evidence suggests that for learning and growth to be meaningful, it has to involve others. If self-help is an endless loop of self-improvements and personal growth just for the sake of it, and the arrow always points inwards, it could actually stunt your growth. What if you could help yourself and help others? How can you live your purpose in a way that supports others to be their best?  We are all seeking validation, recognition and support, but through connection with others we can be more than the sum of our parts. Want to really grow? Learn to help others grow. In the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence, Give Yourself is the part of the model that looks outward. It’s all about connecting with others, and connecting your everyday actions to a bigger purpose.

Here are two suggestions to make self-help a force for good for yourself and others:

Shift from short-term to long-term thinking. When faced with a decision, ask yourself: What will be important about this in 5, 10, or 20 years? Consider what you want your legacy to be, what you’d want people to say at your retirement party or even funeral. Thinking long-term takes you beyond yourself and helps you apply your learning toward meaningful goals.

Identify a purpose beyond wealth or happiness. Having a sense of purpose has been linked to higher life satisfaction, better physical and mental health, and even longevity, which is why the capstone emotional intelligence competency in the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence is Pursue Noble Goals. It means connecting your daily choices with your overarching sense of purpose, with your Noble Goal acting as a one-sentence personal mission statement. Want to develop a Noble Goal?

There are 5 criteria that need to be met for a goal to qualify as a noble goal:

1. Not complete in your lifetime – It is enduring and inspiring, something beyond the daily struggle. This helps you maintain a long-term focus so you can avoid the confusion of short-term thinking.
2. Pointed outward – While you will benefit, the focus is on others. This helps you maintain an expansive vision.
3. Integrates different domains – It encompasses all dimensions of your life; serving your noble goal in one domain (such as work) supports you in all others (such as family).
4. Gets you out of bed – It motivates and inspires you at a deep level; this helps you to have the energy when the going gets tough.
5. No one made less – No one has to be “less than” or “wrong” for you to pursue your Noble Goal; this helps you stay out of ego and power struggle.

Does your current noble goal meet these 5 criteria?

To learn more about noble goals and developing a meaningful life, check out this article: https://www.6seconds.org/emotional-intelligence/topics/purpose/