“Why Am I Never Satisfied?” | British Vogue

Dear Eva,

I am perpetually unsatisfied. I find myself regularly annoyed that strangers or friends are more successful than me, and obsessed with the idea that I might never have the life – the house, the relationship, the job – that I feel I’m working really hard to get. I’m single right now, which is fine, but I’m worried that this might be forever. Same with my job – it’s good and I enjoy it, but I feel worried that I’m not striving to move upwards. What can I do to try and achieve my dreams?

Kate

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Well, first, take a breath. Like, a proper one. A breath that comes from the core of you, deep down from the meat of you – inhale. And then let it go. There is a relentlessness to modern life, isn’t there? A feeling that we must always be pushing, working, praying for the next thing, the thing that will save us, or fulfil us, or fix our skin, or finally prove every dickish enemy wrong. But… then what? What if you work and work, and get the job, and date and date, and get the marriage, and save and save, and get the house. How will you live then, when everything is perfect? Or worse, Kate, how will you know? How will you know you’ve arrived? Will you always be searching for a more prestigious job or a bigger house, or a partner whom you love just a little bit more? Here’s the thing – what if you didn’t ask what you can do to achieve your dreams, but instead, how you can learn to enjoy the life you’re living today? 

I’m sorry. People talk about “living in the moment” regularly, and when they do, it is always, without fail, sickly and annoying. The phrase plonks onto the table reeking of dewberry body spray and old yoga mats, and you are perfectly within your rights to respond to it with your tightest smile as you reach for the sweet escape of your phone. But much as it pains me to write this (I like to give the impression of a person for whom inner peace comes naturally, without the obscene trappings of the mindfulness industry), it’s a skill you – most of us – can benefit from. If you are stuck in a grinding cycle of planning and living just for the future, you will never feel satisfied when that future comes, however much cash, comfort or kudos it brings. You will be itching for the next thing, one eye on the door. 

What would it take for you to enjoy where you are right now? How can I help? Well, I can recommend tricks from the dewberry body spray realm of solutions, the meditating and the yoga, the reducing your time online, and unfollowing the gorgeous people on social media who make you feel bad. Miving in the Loment. But beyond that, you’re on your own. Only you can work out how to appreciate these days alone, when you are only responsible for the work you do and the food you eat, and the 10,000 steps you take. How to luxuriate in the vast un-knowingness of your one fabulous life. Start, maybe, with another deep breath.

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