Why Didn't The Melons Get Married? - The Oatmeal

Comics Games Books Dumb Jokes That Are Funny

• Why didn't the melons get married?

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  Because they cantaloupe!

• What do you do when you see a spaceman?

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  PARK YOUR CAR, MAN

• What did the policeman say to his tummy?

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  I've got you under a vest!

• What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?

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  You look a little pail!

• Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

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  IT WAS IN TENTS

• Why did Simba's father die?

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  Because he couldn't Mufasa!

• Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

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  Because he felt crummy.

• Who does a pharaoh talk to when he's sad?

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  His mummy.

• Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!" "Are you sure?" asks the second atom. To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

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• What's brown and sticky?

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  A stick.

• How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

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  He felt his presents!

• What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?

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  I can clearly see you're nuts!

• What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?

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  HE GOT A LITTLE BEHIND IN HIS WORK

• What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

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  Wipes his butt.

• Why did the man dump ground beef on his head?

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  He wanted a meatier shower!

• what did one hat say to another?

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  You stay here, I'll go on a head!

• What do you call a pony's cough?

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  A LITTLE HOARSE!

• What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

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  Polaroids

• What kind of horses go out after dusk?

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  Nightmares!

• What does a vegan zombie eat?

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  Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

• Which side of a cheetah has the most spots?

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  THE OUTSIDE!

• What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?

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  Its butt

• What type of music do mummies listen to?

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  WRAP MUSIC!

• What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding?

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  Thanks for the mammaries!

• What is invisible and smells like carrots?

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  Rabbit farts

• What is a shark's favorite illegal substance?

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  Reefer!

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