Why Don't People Like Me? Thought Patterns And ... - BetterHelp

Unfriendly nonverbals

Nonverbal communication is essential to interpersonal relationships. Humans communicate nonverbally in various ways, including the following:

• Body posture
• Facial expressions
• Hand gestures

Tone of voice is also commonly considered a nonverbal communication skill. For many, communication focuses heavily on the verbal components, or the actual content of the message.

While the specific words chosen are important when communicating, it is equally important to manage nonverbals. When one person receives communication from another, just over half of the communication they interpret will be nonverbal. Warm facial expressions, open posture, and a friendly tone are all required to receive a message positively. T

The old adage holds true; it is not what is said but how it is said that carries the greatest weight.

Aloof or disinterested

Engaged communication is a two-way street. Appearing disinterested or dismissive of the communication of others is a surefire way to reduce likability.

A person seems disinterested if they are frequently distracted during conversations (such as by being on their phone), ask too few questions, or consistently monopolize a discussion with their thoughts and views.

A person becomes more likable when they ask questions and show an interest in the lives of others. However, there is an important caveat when showing interest in another person's life. While polite, genuine interest is usually well received, prying or asking too many questions often isn't.

Social anxiety

Appearing withdrawn or closed off in social situations can significantly impact a person's likability. Socially anxious individuals fear social rejection, and rejection becomes more likely if a person is anxious and withdrawn.

For those with social anxiety, a feedback loop exists between their anxiety and how they are perceived by their peers: anxious behavior increases the likelihood of social rejection, and social rejection increases the likelihood of anxiety.

If social anxiety becomes severe enough, it can warrant a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety disorder goes beyond typical nervousness or discomfort in new social situations.

Those with the disorder often require help from a professional to overcome its impact on their lives. If a person has tried to improve their socialization and has found it overwhelming or unattainable, a therapist is likely to be helpful.

30,000+ therapists with diverse specialties

Popular areas our licensed professionals support Anxiety DepressionTrauma / PTSDADHDGrief & lossLGBTQ+ affirmingEating disordersAddictionBipolar Get started