Will I Ever Hear From My Ex Again? Statistics Look Good!

Updated on July 22, 2025

If you’re wondering, “Will I ever hear from my ex again?” I may have some good news for you. I’ve done my homework and analyzed the behavior of many dumpers to understand how long it typically takes for them to reach out to their exes.

I also spoke with dumpers, browsed various forums, and talked to dumpees from around the world to give you the most accurate information possible.

In my research, I excluded cases where ex-partners lived or worked together or were forced to break no contact for external reasons. This includes situations where dumpers needed to collect their belongings or had other ongoing obligations with the dumpee, such as co-parenting. I wanted the study to focus on straightforward breakups in order to keep the results as accurate and unbiased as possible.

To my surprise, it didn’t take super long for most dumpers to reach out. Many of them found excuses to get back in touch with their ex relatively soon after the breakup. Once they did, they often breadcrumbed their ex at least once. Breadcrumbing means they sent their ex empty messages that had nothing to do with getting back together.

Dumpers merely wanted to know how their ex was doing and if he or she resented them for blindsiding them, leaving, and causing them pain.

So if you’re worried you’ll never hear from your ex again, try not to be. When your ex finally reaches out, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex has had an epiphany and wants you back. It may mean that your ex is curious about you, feels guilty, or wants your validation, closeness, or support.

Your ex might even suggest staying friends or becoming friends with benefits. Both are equally bad because they keep you stuck in an unfair position and make it much harder for you to move on. Instead of encouraging you to detach, they force you to stay attached and crave your ex’s attention and recognition.

Hence, it’s safe to assume that your ex’s reach out will most likely give you false hope and a lot of anxiety. It will disrupt your healing and hurt you more deeply than any insult or threat anyone could ever throw at you. Your ex’s words and actions will confuse you and make you see that it’s better not to hear from an ex unless he or she regrets leaving and wants you back.

Hearing from your ex when you’re in no contact, trying to regain your composure, will set back your healing and undo the progress you’ve made. That’s because it will trigger a surge of hope—the kind that makes you believe you no longer need to focus on yourself and that you can continue to envision a future with your ex.

Don’t forget that planning a future with your ex before your ex wants you back is detrimental to your recovery and health. Every time you imagine getting back together, you reinforce false hope, delay healing, and stay obsessed with someone who doesn’t see your romantic worth.

You’ll probably feel a bit validated, but you’ll also be hungrier than ever for your ex’s presence, love, and commitment.

The topic of this post is, “Will I hear from my ex again?” We’ll analyze the survey results and help you understand what they mean for you.

How long does it usually take dumpers to reach out?

The time it takes exes to reach out varies for each individual. It takes some dumpees days or weeks—and others months or years. The time it takes depends mainly on the space they get, the respect they have towards their ex, the issues they encounter, their ability to deal with those issues, and the reasons the relationship ended. If the relationship ended due to cheating and a breach of trust, they’re typically not in a hurry to reach out. They feel betrayed and think that talking to their ex would cause more harm than good.

Such dumpers avoid reaching out unless they really need to. And they really need to when there are mutual obligations involved, like kids, work, or shared belongings such as a vehicle. Some dumpers also never break no contact. They stay in NC forever and focus on moving forward with their lives.

Oftentimes, they resent their ex, have a strict no contact policy, or aren’t capable of seeing their ex in a better light. Pain and anger prevent them from letting go of the past and urge them to continue blaming their ex for their actions and feelings. By doing so, they ignore the need to self-reflect and improve the things they need to improve.

Luckily, not all dumpers completely destroy their exes’ value in their eyes. Many dumpers cool off after a while, see that they overreacted, and become curious, scared, or guilty. They feel something they didn’t expect to feel, so they contact their ex and talk about unimportant things that dumpees couldn’t care less about.

Things like the dumpee’s dog, work, or interest in movies. By diverting attention away from relationship/breakup matters, they show they haven’t reached out to get back together, but to get something else. Something only their ex can give them. Usually, this is information, validation, forgiveness, or a familiar person to talk to.

Most dumpees are afraid they’ll never hear from their ex again. They’re scared their ex will forget about them, move on with someone else, and have a happy ever after with that person. What they’re forgetting is that they won’t always feel so low and hopeless. When they improve their self-esteem and see that they’re capable of moving on without their ex, they’ll see mainly the positives in being broken up.

Those positives often include gaining clarity, rediscovering their identity, developing emotional independence, and no longer having to tolerate a relationship that wasn’t meeting their needs.

Many times, dumpees want to get back with their ex despite knowing they weren’t happy or as happy as they wanted to be. The only reason they want to reconcile is because their ex detached and left before them, and destroyed their self-esteem, direction, and purpose.

That’s why they eventually realize that the breakup was a blessing in disguise and that it pushed them to grow and reach new heights.

If your ex never reaches out (not even years or decades later), it’s not such a bad thing. It’s better than if he or she keeps pestering you every few days with texts or calls that give you hope and hinder your healing. You should be thankful if your ex lets you heal in peace. Consider yourself lucky because many dumpees receive confusing messages from their ex that add no value to their lives whatsoever.

Besides, years from now, you won’t even care whether you ever hear from your ex. You’ll be detached, busy, happy, and have plenty of better things to focus on. Things like prioritizing your hobbies and spending time with friends and family. Your ex won’t cross your mind very often, nor trigger pain and anxiety.

So if you haven’t heard from your ex in a while or perhaps even in years, consider it a golden opportunity to learn and improve from the breakup.

Unlike most dumpees who torment themselves with endless ‘what ifs,’ you’ll be able to let go of hope sooner and start finding happiness within yourself. And if you ask me, that’s priceless because nothing matters more than your health and well-being. If your ex can’t contribute to your health and happiness through commitment and consistency, you’re better off on your own.

Anyway, many dumpees worry that they’ll never hear from their ex again. They’re scared their ex will find someone better and more compatible and that they’ll stay regretful and miserable forever. If these are the kinds of thoughts you’re feeding your brain daily, you need to stop. Thinking about things you have no control over isn’t helping you improve your self-esteem and get rid of separation anxiety and fear.

All it’s doing is putting you down, giving you gut-wrenching anxiety, and making you think you’re not good enough for your ex. Comparing yourself to others, especially people who don’t even exist, is a colossal waste of energy and time. You should instead focus on things you can control. Things like forgiving yourself and your ex, analysing your mistakes without engaging in self-blame, meeting up with friends and making new ones, and doing things that give you purpose.

That way, you’ll stop asking yourself questions such as, “Will I ever hear from my ex again?” and slowly take your mind off your ex.

If you’re currently unable to not think about your ex, that’s okay. Your breakup wounds are still fresh and need more time and self-focus to heal. Gradually, you’ll realize that you think about your ex and your ex’s reach-out/return less, and that going back may not be a smart or safe decision.

Let’s now have a look at the data I gathered about dumpers reaching out to dumpees.

As you can see from the chart above, it’s based on data from 108 dumpers of various ages and genders, and relationship backgrounds. Since no two dumpers are alike in personality and maturity, and have different reasons for breaking up and reaching out, some took longer than others to make contact.

That’s completely normal. Don’t expect your ex to reach out as quickly as someone else’s ex. Also, don’t assume your ex will return, or return for the same reasons. In most cases, dumpers come back when they’re unhappy or stressed. Other times, they return after deep reflection and personal growth unrelated to failure and pain. But that’s far less common.

Only the most developed and open-minded exes grow and miss their ex simply because they want to.

People are different in many ways and go through unique post-breakup experiences. This makes it impossible to predict exactly when or why they’ll reach out. All we can do is look at their past behaviors and patterns and make generalizations.

One of the most interesting things that stands out in the chart is that many dumpers (14.8%) contacted their dumpees before the end of the first month. I’m not sure how their conversations went, but some probably had a fakeup and ended up back together shortly after getting back in touch. Knowing that many dumpers come back for the wrong reasons, my guess is that at least 20% of them broke up within a couple of weeks. Another 10% probably broke up within the following months.

Among the dumpers who reached out within a month of the breakup, most were simply checking in on their exes. After easing their guilt, they ended the conversation/let it fizzle out and focused on themselves again. They didn’t feel the need to stay friends with someone who still desired them romantically.

After the first month, the likelihood of exes reaching out dropped sharply—by nearly 50%, falling to just 6.48% per month.

This suggests that many dumpers preferred silence over reaching out. They stopped doubting themselves, processed their guilt and shame, and chose to focus on their own healing instead of worrying about their exes. What their exes thought and felt stopped concerning them when they convinced themselves life’s too short to worry about people who hold them back and no longer matter.

The average time it takes dumpers to reach out to their exes

According to the results from the survey, dumpees were most likely to hear from their exes within the first six months after the breakup. During this period, dumpees remained on dumpers’ minds and prompted them to reach out to discuss things they wanted or needed to address.

If they felt bad, they reached out to relieve their guilt. And if they were curious, they reached out to gain insight into their ex’s life. The point is, they contacted their ex if they felt like they had something to gain from it.

After the six-month mark, the number of dumpers reaching out dropped significantly, fluctuating around 3.3% per month until the ‘years later’ period. That’s when dumpers began to reach out again.

Some offered friendship, while others asked to get back together due to a lack of happiness and/or connection with other people.

Focusing only on the first 12 months after the breakup, a total of 86 out of 108 dumpers broke no contact and reached out to their exes after an average of 7.16 months.

Based on these statistics, you’ll likely hear from your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend within the first six months of no contact. Your ex may reach out once he or she has processed the breakup and feels safe to talk again.

If you don’t hear from your ex within the first six months, it likely means that your ex hasn’t found a reason to reach out yet. He or she might still be feeling resentful, happy in a new relationship, or simply not convinced that reconnecting with you is a good idea.

Regardless of what your ex thinks and feels, you need to give your ex more time to find an incentive to reach out. You need to keep focusing on your own life, even if it’s been years since you last heard from your ex. This advice is especially important if you pleaded for a long time, showed up unannounced, or threatened your ex.

Don’t act on your pain, reach out yourself, and force your ex to talk. That will risk bringing a negative response out of your ex, destroying your ex’s respect for you, and undoing the work of no contact. If you don’t want to make things worse, stay in no contact and let your ex come to you when or if he or she is emotionally ready.

What are the chances my ex will reach out?

Dumpees often live in fear of never hearing from their ex again. The thought of being abandoned and forgotten is so painful that they frequently search for signs their ex still loves them and will eventually come back.

They don’t want to accept that their ex may be over them and that they might have to let go of hope and find happiness without their ex. Moving on without their ex frightens them, so they reject it completely.

If it’s been months since the breakup and you still haven’t heard from your ex, don’t panic. Panic could make you irrational and force you to break the rules of no contact. It could overwhelm your ex with expectations, demands, and emotions, causing your ex to think you’re needy and clingy.

Keep in mind that it’s completely normal for dumpers to stay away from dumpees for months or even a year or longer. The end of a relationship triggers a lot of negative emotions, which need time and a reason to get rid of. Most dumpers have to get hurt and, through pain and reflection, forgive their ex for hurting them.

Don’t expect your ex to get rid of his or her anger, resentment, or contempt just because you stepped away for a few months. A few months of silence can help, but they may not be enough to prevent your ex from thinking negatively about you.

This is especially true if you took revenge on your ex and started a war. The worse you treated your ex during or after the breakup, the bigger the chance that your ex associated unhealthy beliefs with you. These beliefs won’t go away willingly. Your ex will have to identify them and decide to do something about them.

He or she will probably have to admit his or her mistakes and regret the role he or she played in the breakup.

According to my research, 9.26% of dumpees never heard from their dumper ex again. Their ex moved on and either didn’t feel the need to reach out or simply suppressed his or her desire to communicate. When the desire to speak isn’t strong enough, the dumper keeps his or her distance and focuses on other things.

If 9.26% of dumpers never reach out, that means there’s a 90.7% chance your ex will eventually contact you. And if you ask me, that’s a pretty good chance! That excludes dumpers that reach out 10 years or longer after the breakup. 10 years is a long time, but some dumpers get back together with their first love after 30 years. By the time they reunite, they’re often very different people.

So try not to let anxiety get the best of you while you’re ‘waiting’ to hear from your ex. You should never put your life on hold and do nothing but wait. If you give your ex that much control over your feelings, I guarantee that you’ll keep obsessing about whether you’ll ever hear from your ex, stay unhappy, and waste your life.

Instead of becoming the best version of yourself, you’ll stay as you are maturity-wise and make similar mistakes in the future. Your short-term post-breakup goal should be to detach, grow, and rebuild your self-esteem. When you accomplish that, you’ll fear losing your ex, especially to someone else much less.

To round it up, we can say that every 10th person won’t ever hear from the dumper again. Or if he or she does hear from the dumper, it could take 10, 20, or even 30 years.

The odds are in your favor!

Knowing that your chances of hearing from your ex are fairly high might feel good, but be careful not to cling to hope. Holding on too tightly will increase your obsession with your ex and make it harder to detach and let go. It’ll keep you looking over your shoulder and make you lose out on life.

If you ask me, it’s much better for you to accept that you might never hear from your ex, and that you’ll be okay. That kind of thinking will prepare you for the worst, whereas expecting to hear from your ex will make you dependent on your ex’s outreach.

So allow only as much hope as is healthy and helpful for your healing. But once you’re coping well and no longer rely on hope for stress-management, start letting it go by reminding yourself that it doesn’t matter whether your ex reaches out or not.

All that matters is that you love yourself and feel in control of your emotions and life. When you understand that life goes on whether or not you hear from your ex, you’ll give yourself the time you need to detach and gradually realize you don’t need your ex in your life to be happy. You just need to stay away from your ex long enough to get through the storm and regain your rationality.

Will I hear from my ex again in the future if I begged and pleaded?

It goes without saying that post-breakup mistakes, such as staying in contact, begging, and apologizing, push the dumper further away and delay the time it takes him or her to redevelop respect and reach out. Every time you appear weak and desperate for love, you pressure the space-deprived dumper and make him or her want to talk to you less.

If you begged long and hard and made yourself look insecure and unhappy, your ex will probably need some time to recover. He or she will need to focus on enjoying the space the breakup provides and worry only about his or her wants and needs. Your ex won’t be happy to think about you, hear from you, or be forced to help you cope with the breakup.

Your only option is to stay in no contact and let your ex process the breakup. If you leave your ex completely alone, you’ll depict strength and independence and might be able to indirectly influence your ex to get rid of negative perceptions of you.

Having said that, here are the effects of begging and pleading on the dumper.

Although I can’t say how much begging and pleading for another chance is too much, you need to know that a lot of begging is likely to overwhelm your ex emotionally, reduce your value tremendously, and make your ex not want to speak with you again. Making your ex the center of your life will stop your ex from respecting and liking you, making it difficult for him or her to want you back.

Some unhealthy perceptions can be hard to let go of even years after the breakup, so do your best to avoid hurting your ex and making yourself look codependent. You need to invest in yourself rather than your ex and wait for your ex to forget about your behavior and find reasons to contact you.

That could take time, of course, but you can’t speed up the process. If you try to make your ex see your worth on your terms before your ex is ready, you’ll only achieve the opposite and make your ex want to speak with you less.

So stay in no contact and work on yourself. Improve whatever needs improving and don’t reach out, no matter how hurt and desperate you are for another chance. As long as your ex is convinced the breakup needed to happen, you must keep your distance and invest in yourself and others.

It’s been months/years. Will I ever hear from my ex again?

You may not like what I’m about to say, but the truth is you don’t want to hear from your ex too soon. If your ex reaches out and you get back together on the spot, nothing will have changed. You’ll both be the same people, stuck in the same patterns. It’s highly likely that you’ll break up again when the same problems resurface.

That’s why it’s much better for you and your ex to separate from each other completely for at least a few months. That way, you can focus on improving your shortcomings, letting go of hurt feelings, and finding reasons to be together. Once you’ve done all that, you can come back together to see if it’s possible to work together as a couple.

I know you want to hear from your ex now (especially now that you’re hurting), but you shouldn’t rush things. You guys should first figure out why the breakup happened and then do something about it. That’s the only way you can grow within and avoid breaking up again in the future.

So instead of focusing on when you might hear from your ex, focus on improving yourself. Your ex will have to do the same before he or she can be in a successful long-term relationship. If your ex doesn’t self-invest, your ex will have a lot of catching up to do later when he or she gets into a new relationship with you or someone else.

The most successful exes who get back together take their time to identify their shortcomings and improve them. By working on themselves, they learn more about themselves, each other, and relationships—and have better relationships because of it.

Keep in mind that exes come back on their own terms when they don’t have any other choice. They return when life gives them lemons and shows them that what they had with their ex was good. They just didn’t appreciate it because they focused too hard on things that weren’t working.

What you’re looking for from your ex is regret and a strong determination to invest in you, himself/herself, and the relationship. Without the right mindset and willpower to build a healthy relationship, your ex won’t grow much. Your ex will stay the same and likely leave again once he or she takes you and the relationship for granted.

Will I ever hear from my ex again if I told my ex to leave me alone?

Just because you told your ex not to contact you anymore doesn’t mean you’ll never hear from your ex again. Your ex isn’t staying away because of what you said after the breakup, but because your ex wants to stay away.

The breakup made your ex lose romantic feelings and the drive to communicate, so your ex now needs to redevelop it. I’m not saying your ex will fall back in love with you for sure, but it could happen if your ex’s post-breakup expectations fail to materialize.

For example, if your ex dates someone else and gets dumped unexpectedly or coldheartedly, your ex could go through something painful and need someone to lean on. That someone could be you if you stay composed and keep your distance until then. You mustn’t reveal that you’re hurt and that you need your ex significantly more than he or she needs you.

Your ex must think that you’ve got your emotions under control and that you’re not a threat to his or her well-being. To your ex, you must come across as someone who can get rid of problems and pain faster than anything or anyone else.

So don’t worry too much about the things you said or did during or soon after the breakup. If your ex continued to breadcrumb you or do something he or she shouldn’t be doing, you needed your ex to stop contacting you and making healing difficult for you. You had every right to ask for space and not to talk anymore.

Your ex might not have liked it, but he or she respected it nonetheless. By asking for space and focusing on yourself, you left a much stronger impression on your ex than you ever would have by begging and pleading. The greatest gift you can give an ex who left you is the gift of your absence.

Rest assured that your ex will contact you even if you asked for space. Your ex will do it because he or she will need to do it. When pain and regret settle in, your ex will break the silence and do what it takes to gain your approval and support.

Don’t be afraid!

Don’t let the fear of not hearing from your ex weigh you down or prevent you from enjoying your life. You might deeply want to hear from your ex and reconcile, but fear and anxiety don’t need to dictate your happiness or control your future.

They serve very little purpose in your life, so it’s important to manage them.

Avoid checking your phone constantly for your ex’s messages and start filling your time with meaningful activities. Focus on things that truly matter so you don’t remain emotionally dependent on your ex or waste your time waiting for an ex who isn’t choosing to be with you.

If you stay afraid, your ex will sense it when he or she reaches out and needs something from you. Your ex will see that you’ve put him or her on a pedestal and that you don’t value yourself nearly half as much as you value him or her. That will, in turn, create a huge power imbalance and make your ex lose his or her remaining interest.

Always remember that your ex won’t value you if you don’t value yourself. Your ex will want you back only if your value is the same or more than your ex’s. So make sure to value yourself. Do that by continuing to move on and enjoying your life as much as you can.

Are you still wondering if you’ll ever hear from your ex again? Now that you know the chances, do you feel more at ease? Share your thoughts and feelings in the comments below.

And if you’d like to talk to us about your breakup, click here to sign up for coaching.

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.

Share this:

• Facebook
• X
• LinkedIn
• Reddit
• Pinterest
• Telegram
• WhatsApp