Tales From Across The Causeway: Malaysia Vs Singapore

Editor’s Note: This poem with a satiric undertone was written three years ago in conjunction with the Lion Republic’s National Day on Aug 9. It was recently given a makeover by its ‘poet’ in view of various latest developments in the relationship of both neighbours who parted ways on that historical day.

They have 3 K’s – Kiasu (scare to lose), Kiasi (scare to die), Kiabo (scare of having nothing) We have 3 R’s – Race, Religion, Royalty Their dollar is bigger, our houses are cheaper Our food is better, their food branding is better We go there to work, burgher … they come here to enjoy

Our politics is sodomy, their politics is LKY’s (Lee Kuan Yew) house They talk of uniting one nation, we talk of uniting one race

We argue about religion, they argue about being diligent We fight over Jawi-khat, they jump & cut ahead We spend so much energy on Zakir Naik, until our zak*r (pen*s) cannot naik (erect)

We have the natural wealth, but why the hell are they richer? They value know-how, we worship know-WHO They shake leaders’ hands, we kiss leaders’ hands They are forward modern, we’re still backward feudal

They go by meritocracy We cari jalan (find way) with cable-tocracy Their clean means less corrupt Our clean means more “holy”

They have LKY & LHL (Lee Hsien Loong), we have Razak & Najib Both Father and Son, but different spirit So don’t complain when MYR & SGD are 3 to 1

We wanna charge them more for water, they say never mind, can drink toilet water We call it Batu Putih, they call it Pedra Branca They want to expand, we say no give sand (but curi-curi [steal] maybe can)

We have comedy king Douglas (and Najib too) They have comedy queen Kumar Our squash queen Nicol reigned long Their swim king Schooling reigned damp

They have warships invisible to radar, we have warships invisible to everyone Because … They have Defence Ministers, we have Denial Ministers Ya la, they are mightier, but we are friendlier We export talent, they import talent And so we lost Grab, they grabbed Grab

Majulah Singapura is original, Negaraku was copied Both in Malay language, but they don’t understand what they’re singing!

We had MCO, EMCO, CMCO & RMCO They had CB, CCB & KNNBCCB We both claim chicken rice, but hello, it’s actually from Hainan la

Our land is bigger, their land is safer They nourish city trees, we butcher city trees They promote cycling, we promote highways We have cheaper cars, they have better transport

We were one country, now we’re different worlds – First and Third. – Aug 13, 2022

Andrew Sia – a Malaysian – was a former editor and feature writer at The Star newspaper. He was best known for his “The Tarik” columns.

The views expressed are solely of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Focus Malaysia.