PRO Courses Hot Guides Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade
QUIZZES All Quizzes Hot Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Trivia Quizzes Taylor Swift Quizzes
EDIT Edit this Article
EXPLORE Tech Help ProAbout UsRandom ArticleQuizzes Request a New ArticleCommunity DashboardTrendingForums Arts and EntertainmentArtworkBooksMoviesComputers and ElectronicsComputersPhone SkillsTechnology HacksHealthMen's HealthMental HealthWomen's HealthRelationshipsDatingLoveRelationship Issues Hobbies and CraftsCraftsDrawingGamesEducation & CommunicationCommunication SkillsPersonal DevelopmentStudyingPersonal Care and StyleFashionHair CarePersonal Hygiene Quizzes Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Fun Games ForumsArts and EntertainmentFinance and BusinessHome and Garden Relationship QuizzesCars & Other VehiclesFood and EntertainingPersonal Care and Style Sports and FitnessComputers and ElectronicsHealthPets and Animals TravelEducation & CommunicationHobbies and CraftsPhilosophy and Religion Work WorldFamily LifeHolidays and TraditionsRelationships Youth
LOG IN
Log in
Social login does not work in incognito and private browsers. Please log in with your username or email to continue. FacebookGooglewikiHow Account No account yet? Create an account
RANDOM
Home
Random
Browse Articles
TrendingNew
Quizzes & Games
All QuizzesHot
Love Quizzes
Personality Quizzes
Fun Games
Dating Simulator
Learn Something New
Forums
Courses
Happiness Hub
Explore More
Support wikiHow
About wikiHow
Log in / Sign up
Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow
Categories
Relationships
Dating
How to Find a Dominant Boyfriend Download ArticleExplore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Make a Fetlife profile. 2 Use a kink-friendly dating app. 3 Join BDSM social media groups. 4 Go to a munch. 5 Meet him in public first. 6 Bring up kink soon, but not immediately. 7 Be honest about what you want. 8 Communicate boundaries clearly. 9 Watch for qualities of a good dom. 10 Be careful and selective. + Show 7 more... - Show less... Other Sections Video Related Articles References Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Glenn Carreau
Last Updated: February 1, 2025 Fact Checked
Download Article X
This article was co-authored by Lisa Shield and by wikiHow staff writer, Glenn Carreau. Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 60,711 times.
How can you safely and easily find the dominant boyfriend of your dreams? It’s easier than you think! Start searching online with communities and dating apps that understand that dominant and submissive roleplaying in the bedroom is totally normal.[1]XResearch source Date around, explore your options, be true to yourself, and have fun. Read on for a complete guide to finding a dominant boyfriend.
Steps
1
Make a Fetlife profile.
Download Article
Fetlife is a social network made for people who like kink and BDSM. Once you make a profile there, start reading discussions and participating in forum discussions. You’ll meet many new people whose preferences match yours, and you might even connect with the perfect dominant guy. Fetlife is also a great resource for learning about BDSM relationships if this is your first.
Even though you're looking for a dominant boyfriend, it's also always a good idea to have a few friends who can offer you support. Use Fetlife to meet other submissives, and look out for one another in your search for a partner.
Be careful when getting into online communities, especially if you're new to the dom/sub experience. Some people might try to take advantage of you, but you'll be okay as long as you're cautious and stick to your boundaries!
Advertisement 2
Use a kink-friendly dating app.
Download Article
Apps like Feeld and OkCupid allow you to share your preferences freely. Remember that you might have to spend a little time searching for a guy that's boyfriend material, as these apps are also used to facilitate casual flings.[2]XResearch source Nonetheless, as long as you're clear about wanting a relationship in your profile, you’ll be in the right place to make an ideal match.
Other solid kink dating apps include KinkD, #open, Kinkoo, and Whiplr. Search around and pick one that fits your needs the best!
Once you connect with someone, flirt a little to find out what they're into. Break the ice, and then send them a link to your Fetlife profile to see if they like the same things you do.
Ask a friend of the opposite sex to take a look at your profile and see how it sounds. They might have some tips for how you can improve it.[3]X Expert Source Lisa ShieldDating CoachExpert Interview
3
Join BDSM social media groups.
Download Article
Facebook and Twitter have resources you can use to find a dom boyfriend. If you're not ready to try a kink-specific app, try joining a Facebook group geared towards kink or BDSM. You'll meet like-minded people, make friends, and maybe even start a steamy new romance. Narrow your search to local communities if you want to meet someone close to you. A Twitter hashtag search like #BDSM could also yield results.
Advertisement 4
Go to a munch.
Download Article
Munches are casual meetups for new kinksters who want to explore BDSM. Many apps and online communities hold monthly gatherings, which are great for building your social network and meeting potential partners.[4]XResearch source Look for popular meetups that attract larger crowds; you can usually find munches listed on sites like Fetlife.
Even if you only meet friends at a munch, they can introduce you to their friends, and you might just meet your future boyfriend that way.
As always, be careful about giving away information to strangers. Get to know the people you meet and let them earn your trust.
5
Meet him in public first.
Download Article
Be safe and have a few public dates before seeing each other privately. Dating in dominant and submissive relationships is still a process, the same way that vanilla relationships develop. A casual public date lets both of you get to know each other in a low-pressure, friendly way. Have fun and take it further when you're ready![5]XResearch source
Try meeting up for coffee at your favorite cafe or having dinner together. If you're nervous (which is totally natural), go somewhere that makes you feel comfortable and calm.
It's rarely safe or healthy to start having private meetings and getting intimate right away.
Advertisement 6
Bring up kink soon, but not immediately.
Download Article
Generally, wait until you're thinking about being intimate with him. Sexual preferences shouldn't be the first thing you talk about with a guy because it might make him think that's the only thing you want from him. On the other hand, if you wait too long, you may end up getting close to him before finding out you aren't compatible.
It's okay to be nervous when talking about kinks. However, they're perfectly normal and usually an important part of your sex life. Be brave and tell your guy what you like.[6]XResearch source
Use your best judgment to determine when to bring up your preferences. There's no "perfect" time, so wait for a moment that feels right.
Your date may send signals. If his online profile mentions his own sexual preferences, you can talk about yours sooner. If he seems to be taking it slowly between you, wait until he's ready.
7
Be honest about what you want.
Download Article
Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and say what you need to say. You deserve to have a fulfilling sex life and relationship! When intimacy and preferences come up, just tell him politely what you're into (rather than acting submissive or beating around the bush). Dominant guys actually enjoy it when a potential partner takes a chance and talks openly about their desires.
Communication is vital for any relationship, especially with dominant and submissive partners, so be honest and transparent with him.[7]XResearch source
Once together, dominant and submissive partners make their own "rules" about how their dynamic will work, but there's no protocol right off the bat. Simple kindness and courtesy are all you need to make an excellent first impression.
Advertisement 8
Communicate boundaries clearly.
Download Article
Tell him how you want to be treated and what you're comfortable doing. Communicate so that you know your needs and limits are compatible with his desires.[8]XResearch source If a guy wants something you're not okay with, it won't be a great match. When you meet a guy who is happy to respect your boundaries and whose needs complement yours, you've found a great boyfriend.
Take some time to research BDSM and find your comfort zone. Know what you want before you look for a dominant boyfriend so that you can easily find a compatible partner.
Once you have your boundaries, you can quickly and clearly say "no" to anyone who tries to cross them.
9
Watch for qualities of a good dom.
Download Article
Before committing to a boyfriend, know what to look for and avoid. Once you know the traits of a healthy BDSM relationship, you can decide whether your guy will make a good dominant boyfriend. A dominant guy will also be respectful at all times. Anyone who pushes you to do something you don't want isn’t boyfriend material![9]XResearch source
A good guy will have your best interests at heart, be open to communication, and actively listen to you. Even if he's aggressive during intimacy, in a way that you've both consented to, he'll never get angry if you tell him "no." [10]XResearch source
Signs of a bad or fake dominant include anyone who tries to intimidate you, gets very sexual right away or uses pet names before you've started dating and gotten comfortable with each other.[11]XResearch source
When a dominant/submissive relationship is handled with care and respect, it's as healthy as any traditional relationship.
Advertisement 10
Be careful and selective.
Download Article
Remember you don't need to date the first dom you meet. Don't be afraid to chat and meet up with multiple people and search around for a guy who is most compatible with you—in and out of the bedroom. It's healthy to date around a little since the experience will help you determine what you want. Even if you're not interested in being casual, keep searching for someone who feels right.
You're not obligated to do anything you don't want to do, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Join the Discussion...
How do you get a boyfriend? WikiChinchillaCaster400 I'm ready to get into the dating pool and find a good guy that's right for me...I just don't know where to get started lol. I feel like you can't just bump into people like in the movies, so where do I even go to find a potential boyfriend these days? Any tricks to make a guy notice me and keep chatting with me? I want to hear it all! Read More Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist There’s always online dating, which is probably one of the more convenient ways. It's nice that you can sit on your couch and not have to go meet somebody for that initial kind of connection, but some people find dating sites really draining. There are other ways that are great for many people, such as just living your life and doing what you love. Put yourself out there, find hobbies that bring you joy, and you may find someone that has some similar traits as you.As a woman meeting a man, you're kind of assessing if he's safe, if he's kind, if he's the type of person you want to be with. Those are the people you want to look for. I think for a man to come off super aggressive and really forward can actually be a little off putting, as far as first impressions go. When you're feeling like someone is a good fit, just say hi. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular! I think, as a woman trying to start a conversation with a man, it's nice to just smile, ask how they're doing, and just open that door for conversation. Read More WikiPandaTamer982 Tbh as a woman, a little bit of initiative can go a long way in the dating scene. Men are used to being the one doing the courting and asking out, so if you take initiative and ask out guys instead, there's a good chance that it can go in your favor and you have more control over the guys you go after because you're going to them instead of having them come to you.I'm a woman and I asked my current boyfriend out. At first he seemed a little surprised, but in like a "whoa I didn't realize you liked me and would ask me out!" kind of way, and then a split second later he was over the moon saying yes and getting excited to go on dates with me.I know before you can ask a guy out, you have to meet one first. Consider joining hobby or meetup groups to find people who have similar interests as you. You can also sign up for a class, volunteer, or become a regular and some local establishments. And then once you find a guy, to get his attention you can strike up a conversation with him, be friendly and complimentary and genuinely interested in what he has to say. Good luck! Read More See all 11 Replies and Read Discussion
Expert Q&A
Search Add New Question Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement
Video
Tips
Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
You Might Also Like
How toFind a Femdom GirlfriendHow toGet a Good BoyfriendHow toGet a BoyfriendHow toGet a Boyfriend (for Guys)How toFind the Right GuyHow toGet a Boyfriend in Your 20sHow toDateHow toFind the Perfect BoyfriendHow toNavigate Sexual Issues While SingleHow toFind a Boyfriend for My WifeCharacteristics of a Dominant Man (& Why They're So Attractive)How toFind a HusbandWhere to Find Poly Relationships: Best Poly Dating Apps & MoreHow toGet the Right Man Advertisement
Co-authored by: Lisa Shield Dating Coach This article was co-authored by Lisa Shield and by wikiHow staff writer, Glenn Carreau. Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. This article has been viewed 60,711 times. 18 votes - 58% Co-authors: 5Updated: February 1, 2025 Views: 60,711 Categories: Dating In other languagesJapanese
Print
Send fan mail to authors
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 60,711 times.
Did this article help you?
Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Lisa Shield Dating Coach 18 votes - 58% Click a star to vote Co-authors: 5Updated: February 1, 2025 Views: 60,711
Quizzes & Games
Which Dating App Should I Use QuizTake QuizWhat's the Name of My Future Boyfriend QuizTake QuizWhen Will I Get a Boyfriend QuizTake QuizWho Is My Perfect BoyfriendTake QuizWhat's My Future Husband's Name QuizTake QuizHow High Are My Dating Standards QuizTake Quiz
You Might Also Like
How toFind a Femdom GirlfriendHow toGet a Good BoyfriendHow toGet a BoyfriendHow toGet a Boyfriend (for Guys)
Featured Articles
How toEnjoy the HolidaysHow to Get 250 Grams of Protein Daily: Best Foods, Meal Plans & MoreAm I Girly Quiz200 Fun, Flirty, & Deep Questions to Get to Know a Guy BetterHow to Tighten Skin Under Your Chin: Natural or Surgical OptionsWhat Would My Nickname Be Quiz
Trending Articles
Let Us Rate You 1-10: Attractiveness Scale QuizHave I Met My Soulmate Yet QuizHow Rare Is My Birthday QuizHow Nonchalant Am I QuizCan We Guess If You're Single or Taken?How Much Do I Mog Quiz
Featured Articles
21 Common Hand Signs & Gestures (& What They Mean)170+ Best Useless Facts That Sound Like LiesIs He Interested In Me Quiz15 Signs Your Ex Misses You (and What to Do About It)How to Observe Hanukkah (From Candle Lighting to Latke Frying)165+ "You Are Special" Quotes For Friends, Family, Partners & More
Featured Articles
115+ Brain Teasers For Adults & Kids (With Answers!)When Will I Get My First Kiss Quiz17 Believable Excuses to Miss Class At the Last MinuteHow to Speed Up Your Slow-Performing Mobile DataHow to Get a Nice BodyIce Cream Personality Test
Watch Articles
How toWrap a Round GiftHow toSteam in an OvenHow to Make Plant-Based Meat: 4 Incredible RecipesHow toClean a Silver Necklace4 Easy Ways to Open a Can of SodaHow toPart Your Hair
Trending Articles
How toMake OutAm I a Furry QuizAm I Annoying QuizHow Weird Am I QuizWhat Does “Cracked” Mean in Slang?What Are the Gay Male Body Types (And Which Do You Have?)
Quizzes & Games
What's My Dating Style?Take QuizAm I Ready For A Relationship QuizTake Quiz
Categories
Relationships
Dating
wikiHow Newsletter You're all set! Helpful how-tos delivered toyour inbox every week! Sign me up! By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy.
Download Article Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Make a Fetlife profile. 2 Use a kink-friendly dating app. 3 Join BDSM social media groups. 4 Go to a munch. 5 Meet him in public first. 6 Bring up kink soon, but not immediately. 7 Be honest about what you want. 8 Communicate boundaries clearly. 9 Watch for qualities of a good dom. 10 Be careful and selective. + Show 7 more... - Show less... Other Sections Video Related Articles References Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Glenn Carreau 
WikiChinchillaCaster400 I'm ready to get into the dating pool and find a good guy that's right for me...I just don't know where to get started lol. I feel like you can't just bump into people like in the movies, so where do I even go to find a potential boyfriend these days? Any tricks to make a guy notice me and keep chatting with me? I want to hear it all! Read More 
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist There’s always online dating, which is probably one of the more convenient ways. It's nice that you can sit on your couch and not have to go meet somebody for that initial kind of connection, but some people find dating sites really draining. There are other ways that are great for many people, such as just living your life and doing what you love. Put yourself out there, find hobbies that bring you joy, and you may find someone that has some similar traits as you.As a woman meeting a man, you're kind of assessing if he's safe, if he's kind, if he's the type of person you want to be with. Those are the people you want to look for. I think for a man to come off super aggressive and really forward can actually be a little off putting, as far as first impressions go. When you're feeling like someone is a good fit, just say hi. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular! I think, as a woman trying to start a conversation with a man, it's nice to just smile, ask how they're doing, and just open that door for conversation. Read More 
Advertisement 
Co-authored by: Lisa Shield Dating Coach This article was co-authored by Lisa Shield and by wikiHow staff writer, Glenn Carreau. Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. This article has been viewed 60,711 times. 18 votes - 58% Co-authors: 5 Updated: February 1, 2025 Views: 60,711 Categories: Dating In other languagesJapanese 
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz 
Take Quiz
Take Quiz 
544 
Fetlife is a social network made for people who like kink and BDSM. Once you make a profile there, start reading discussions and participating in forum discussions. You’ll meet many new people whose preferences match yours, and you might even connect with the perfect dominant guy. Fetlife is also a great resource for learning about BDSM relationships if this is your first. 
Apps like Feeld and OkCupid allow you to share your preferences freely. Remember that you might have to spend a little time searching for a guy that's boyfriend material, as these apps are also used to facilitate casual flings.[2] Nonetheless, as long as you're clear about wanting a relationship in your profile, you’ll be in the right place to make an ideal match. 
Facebook and Twitter have resources you can use to find a dom boyfriend. If you're not ready to try a kink-specific app, try joining a Facebook group geared towards kink or BDSM. You'll meet like-minded people, make friends, and maybe even start a steamy new romance. Narrow your search to local communities if you want to meet someone close to you. A Twitter hashtag search like #BDSM could also yield results. Advertisement 
Munches are casual meetups for new kinksters who want to explore BDSM. Many apps and online communities hold monthly gatherings, which are great for building your social network and meeting potential partners.[4] Look for popular meetups that attract larger crowds; you can usually find munches listed on sites like Fetlife. 
Be safe and have a few public dates before seeing each other privately. Dating in dominant and submissive relationships is still a process, the same way that vanilla relationships develop. A casual public date lets both of you get to know each other in a low-pressure, friendly way. Have fun and take it further when you're ready![5] 
Generally, wait until you're thinking about being intimate with him. Sexual preferences shouldn't be the first thing you talk about with a guy because it might make him think that's the only thing you want from him. On the other hand, if you wait too long, you may end up getting close to him before finding out you aren't compatible. 
Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and say what you need to say. You deserve to have a fulfilling sex life and relationship! When intimacy and preferences come up, just tell him politely what you're into (rather than acting submissive or beating around the bush). Dominant guys actually enjoy it when a potential partner takes a chance and talks openly about their desires. 
Tell him how you want to be treated and what you're comfortable doing. Communicate so that you know your needs and limits are compatible with his desires.[8] If a guy wants something you're not okay with, it won't be a great match. When you meet a guy who is happy to respect your boundaries and whose needs complement yours, you've found a great boyfriend. 
Before committing to a boyfriend, know what to look for and avoid. Once you know the traits of a healthy BDSM relationship, you can decide whether your guy will make a good dominant boyfriend. A dominant guy will also be respectful at all times. Anyone who pushes you to do something you don't want isn’t boyfriend material![9] 
Remember you don't need to date the first dom you meet. Don't be afraid to chat and meet up with multiple people and search around for a guy who is most compatible with you—in and out of the bedroom. It's healthy to date around a little since the experience will help you determine what you want. Even if you're not interested in being casual, keep searching for someone who feels right.