13 Signs You're Texting With A Narcissist - Toxic Ties

In our digital age, everyone is a bit of a narcissist. We’re all guilty of seeking attention online and hiding behind a mask.

But when you encounter an actual narcissist, that’s a whole other story.

The problem is, you’re not going to know you’re dealing with a narcissist until it’s too late. By the time you see their true colors, they’d have burrowed their way into your heart, mind, bed, and wallet.

So wouldn’t it be nice to know early on, during the flirtatious texting stage?

Here are 13 signs you’re texting with a narcissist.

*I will use male pronouns in this article for the sake of simplicity, and because statistically, most narcissists are men. However, that is not to say that only men can be narcissists. Women can also act in narcissistic ways, and that includes their texting habits.

1. Too Much Too Soon

A narcissist will declare his undying love for you pretty soon after you’ve met. He will be texting with you nonstop. It will be dramatic and verbose, and he will use the word “soulmates.”

2. Hot and Cold

A narcissist will alternate his texting persona, going from overly affectionate one minute (“love bombing”) to cold and distant the next.

It’s done to establish dominance and make the victim feel insecure and confused.

3. Hard to Read

Texting gives a narcissist so many opportunities to be evasive, shifty, and manipulative. He likes playing games, so he rarely responds right away. Or if he does, he will send short, impersonal texts.

Overall, he’s hard to read, so you’re constantly trying to “decode” his messages.

RELATED POST: 7 Clever Dating Games All Narcissists Play4. Ghosting

A narcissist can disappear for days, weeks, or even months. Then he’ll casually drop you a “Hey there beautiful” like nothing happened.

If you respond, he’ll know that he still got you.

5. Fake caring

This is when you receive a random text of concern from him after he’s ghosted you for a while. It’ll be something like this:

• “Hey, are you OK?”
• “I’m worried about you”
• “Do you need anything? Just thought I’d ask”
• “I’m always here for you.”

How do you know if it’s a genuine concern or a narcissistic hook?

Look at the overall pattern. If you’re getting those texts from a narcissist, they would be inconsistent with his previous attitude and behavior.

6. Power waiting

As a rule, he won’t call or text first (unless he’s in the active pursuit “love bombing” stage). It’s a power move; narcissists like to have an upper hand.

If he does text first, it’s when he senses that you’re about to cut him out of your life, so he needs to make sure you’re still on the hook.

7. Overcompensating

He talks a lot about being honest and loyal.

Once is OK to make a point.

But if a guy (or a gal) keeps going on and on about how honest they are, that they never lie, how they hate liars and cheats – chances are, they’re overcompensating.

Honest people don’t try to convince you they’re honest. They just are.

8. Bragging

A narcissist loves talking about himself and exaggerating how fantastic, special, smart, and outstanding he is.

If he thinks you’re buying into his self-aggrandizing bull crap, he’ll just keep piling it on.

RELATED POST: 20 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About Narcissism9. No questions

You’ve been texting for a while, and you ask him a lot of questions. But he (or she) doesn’t ask any questions in return.

They just don’t seem to be that interested in getting to know you.

10. Generic, lazy texts of no substance

Text messages like “Hey, beautiful!” or “I miss you” are usually sent to test the waters or to lure you in.

And if you’re getting those on a regular basis, he’s probably sending it to 10 other people.

That’s why narcissists LOVE texting. Little effort, 10 times the narcissistic supply!

11. Long rambling texts

If you’re getting an unreasonably long, barely coherent text (or a series of texts) explaining this and that, but nothing concrete, with no specific commitments to a change, you may be texting with a narcissist.

This here is a classic narcissist’s “word salad” of half-ass apologies, love proclamations, and vague promises of better days.

12. Selfies

If you’re texting with a narcissist, chances are, you’ll be getting a lot of selfies and probably dick pics, too.

That’s a common narcissistic behavior in men. Women don’t usually send unsolicited nudes.

Narcissists love showing off, and they do that every chance they get.

13. Booty Calling

If you’re getting those short and seemingly sweet “Hey girl” or “Thinking of you” around 11:30 pm, it’s a red flag for a narcissist!

A booty call is just that perfectly impersonal, selfish, impulsive, borderline-insulting thing narcissists do when they test your boundaries.

So you’re texting with a narcissist… What’s next?

Perhaps, it’s someone you just started texting with casually. Or it’s your ex who you can’t seem to shake off. Or maybe even someone you’re currently dating.

RELATED POST: 10 Things That Drive a Narcissist Insane

The sooner you become aware of who they really are, the better.

Texting makes it so easy for a narcissist to hide in plain sight. It’s impersonal, quick, and takes little to no effort.

It’s a perfect medium for playing mind games or pretending to be someone else.

Don’t take the bait!

Ask yourself:

• Is this person treating me with respect?
• Are they honest and clear about their feelings?
• Do they seem genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person?
• Are they accessible, for the most part?
• Are they mindful of my boundaries?

If the answer to these questions is “no,” think twice before replying to that seemingly innocent text.

You may be opening the door to a world of hurt, abuse, and regret.

The most important thing to remember is: you are in control, and you know what’s right and what’s not.

Trust that gut feeling. If something feels off, it is.

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