How To Respond To A Narcissist's Text - WikiHow

Skip to ContentQuizzes

• PRO Courses Hot Guides Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade
• QUIZZES All Quizzes Hot Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Trivia Quizzes Taylor Swift Quizzes
• EDIT Edit this Article
• EXPLORE Tech Help ProAbout UsRandom ArticleQuizzes Request a New ArticleCommunity DashboardTrendingForums Arts and EntertainmentArtworkBooksMoviesComputers and ElectronicsComputersPhone SkillsTechnology HacksHealthMen's HealthMental HealthWomen's HealthRelationshipsDatingLoveRelationship Issues Hobbies and CraftsCraftsDrawingGamesEducation & CommunicationCommunication SkillsPersonal DevelopmentStudyingPersonal Care and StyleFashionHair CarePersonal Hygiene Quizzes Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Fun Games Arts and EntertainmentFinance and BusinessHome and GardenRelationship Quizzes Cars & Other VehiclesFood and EntertainingPersonal Care and StyleSports and Fitness Computers and ElectronicsHealthPets and AnimalsTravel Education & CommunicationHobbies and CraftsPhilosophy and ReligionWork World Family LifeHolidays and TraditionsRelationshipsYouth
• LOG IN

  Log in

  Social login does not work in incognito and private browsers. Please log in with your username or email to continue. Facebook Google wikiHow Account No account yet? Create an account
• RANDOM

• Home
• Random
• Browse Articles
• TrendingNew
• Quizzes & Games
• All QuizzesHot
• Love Quizzes
• Personality Quizzes
• Fun Games
• Dating Simulator
• Learn Something New
• Forums
• Courses
• Happiness Hub
• Explore More
• Support wikiHow
• About wikiHow

• Log in / Sign up

Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow

• Categories
• Education and Communications
• Communication Skills
• Phone Skills
• Texting

How to Respond to a Narcissist's Text Download Article The best ways to reply to a narcissist in any situation Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Just leave them on “read”. 2 Use “yes” and “no” answers if talking to them is necessary. 3 Express your boundaries when you reply. 4 Share your own experiences if they text about a memory. 5 Compliment them if you need a favor. 6 Say you have a new support system if they text to reconnect. 7 Respond to their concerns with kindness and integrity. 8 Encourage them to find professional help if you’re unavailable. 9 Breathe deeply and practice mindfulness after reading the text. 10 Chat with a friend about any feelings that come up. 11 Schedule time to talk to a therapist. + Show 8 more... - Show less... Other Sections Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Co-authored by Vernita Marsh, PhD and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: January 29, 2025 References

Download Article X

This article was co-authored by Vernita Marsh, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Madeleine Flamiano. Dr. Vernita Marsh is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the CEO and Founder of Dr. Vernita Marsh & Associates and The Marsh Clinics®. With over 30 years of clinical psychology experience, she specializes in relationship therapy, grief counseling, family therapy, and intimate partner abuse counseling. Dr. Marsh offers consultation for therapists, coaches, and trainees of mental health. Dr. Marsh earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Michigan State University and completed both her postdoctoral and fellowship training at Harvard Medical School. She also has expertise in the area of Telehealth and has received Clinical Telehealth Health Provider Certification from Evergreen. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 119,404 times.

Did you just get a text from a narcissist, and you’re wondering what to write? Now, you have an opportunity to practice some self-empowerment strategies. There are many ways to answer a narcissist’s text calmly and protect yourself. Read on for some tips about how to respond, ranging from no-contact methods to low-contact interaction. Use one of these tactics whenever a narcissist reaches out so you’ll feel confident and strong.

How to Respond to Text from a Narcissist

1. Leave them on “read” and don’t respond.
2. Give short replies if you have to talk to them.
3. State your boundaries in your response.
4. Prioritize your point of view.
5. Compliment them if you need something from them.

Steps

1

Just leave them on “read”.

Download Article

1. Ignore their text to protect yourself and give yourself relief. Follow the “no contact” rule and leave a narcissist’s text unanswered. “No contact” means you will ignore any communication from a narcissist. The best way to practice the “no contact” method is to delete any text you receive. You can also block a narcissist’s phone number. When you remove any way they can contact you, treat yourself to fun activities and good company.[1]
   • When you stop seeing texts from a narcissist, you’ll feel a lot better. The chemicals in your brain that might have made you feel attached to the narcissist won’t be activated anymore, and you’ll feel more energized.
Advertisement

2

Use “yes” and “no” answers if talking to them is necessary.

Download Article

1. Give short replies to keep the conversation brief. If you need to talk to them because you co-parent a child or you need to discuss an important matter like a court case, go “low contact.” “Low contact” is when you reduce how much you’ll say to a narcissist and how often you’ll communicate with them. When you send a text that’s just one word, you can focus on details that matter to you and go on with the rest of your day.[2]
   • If you’d like to go from “low contact” to “no contact”, list why a narcissist shows up and how to remove them from your life. Maybe you’ve been running into them because they go to the same family gatherings. Consider scheduling different visits with your other relatives.
   • Maybe you’ll need to skip some family reunions, file for divorce, or join a new club. That way, you will spend time apart from a narcissist and you’ll have less to talk about.

3

Express your boundaries when you reply.

Download Article

1. Say what treatment you will accept to stand up for your needs. Tell them if they can only text once a week or after work. You can also explain that you have a short amount of time for a respectful conversation. If you need to talk about facts and not opinions, share that, too. Express what’s best for you and give them any rules you need them to follow to stay in contact with you.[3]
   • “Please text me after work.”
   • “I am available to talk on Tuesday.”
   • “I’ll reply if we just talk about the kids’ progress reports.”
Advertisement

4

Share your own experiences if they text about a memory.

Download Article

1. Talk about events you remember and prioritize your point of view. Reply to a text with their perspective with your own personal account of any situation that involves them. For example, if they say you put work first, remind them that you don’t put in overtime hours and that you take vacations. Return to any point you want to make and take your own observations seriously.[4]
   • “I have screenshots of that conversation.”
   • “Four parents at the PTA meeting can confirm what I said.”
   • “I can describe three situations that show how patient I am.”

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Dating a Narcissist?

Only a mental health professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder), but there are plenty of red flags you can look out for. Take this quiz to find out where you stand. 1 of 12

How did they act when you first started dating?

Super lovey-dovey. They thought our relationship was written in the stars!

Extra charming. They really knew how to lay it on.

A little flirtatious. Nothing too overkill, though!

Friendly and respectful. They had a healthy sense of boundaries.

Next 5

Compliment them if you need a favor.

Download Article

1. If you need them to take action, praise will inspire them to assist you. If they text and you decide that it’s in your best interest to reply, choose your words carefully. For example, if you need them to pick your kids up from swim practice, praise them for their parenting skills. They’re more likely to help out if you give them an ego boost. Remember that when you use words of approval with a narcissist, you’re just helping yourself out.[5]
   • “I really appreciate how helpful you’re being during this move. Can you please bring over my movie collection?”
   • “I really value that you’ve been paying the child support on time.”
   • “You’re amazing at filing and organization. Would you mind bringing over those documents tomorrow?”
Advertisement

6

Say you have a new support system if they text to reconnect.

Download Article

1. Tell them you want to spend time talking to other people to keep the chat short. If a narcissist texts and wants to bond, remind them that you have a lot of friends and mentors. Point out that you feel better in the new social environment you’ve found. You can thank a narcissist for any curiosity and concern and then reveal that you’ve moved on.
   • “I appreciate that you reached out. I’m actually doing fine! Be well!”
   • “I’m really liking it in this new city. Everyone’s really nice. I just don’t have a lot of time to text now!”
   • "The faculty at my school is great and really helpful. I’ve got a lot of projects I need to focus on. Take care!”

7

Respond to their concerns with kindness and integrity.

Download Article

1. Keep text exchanges positive to put them at ease. Treat them with the empathy and compassion that you’d show anyone else. Send thoughtful messages that anyone would appreciate seeing. For instance, you can ask them about their goals or check in about their feelings. You can talk briefly about school or their loneliness. Then, politely end the conversation, set down your phone, and unwind.[6]
   • For example, if a narcissist brags about getting a great new job, you could say "I'm so happy for you." Just make sure that you balance out the conversation by including yourself, too—there's nothing wrong with tooting your own horn a little bit![7]
   • According to some studies, narcissists can develop empathy over time if they’re encouraged and shown understanding.[8]
   • If you are going to text a narcissist back, make sure you have lots of friends to talk to later. Reply only when you have enough energy to engage.
Advertisement

8

Encourage them to find professional help if you’re unavailable.

Download Article

1. Refer them to a trained therapist so they can evaluate their patterns. Suggest they try talking to a mental health professional to unpack any challenges they’re facing when they interact with others. Keep your language broad and general. You can just point out that you think they should learn more about how they manage their relationships.[9]
   • Let a therapist go into greater detail about any traits they see in the person texting you. They’ll know how to discuss the texter’s personality and how it impacts others.

9

Breathe deeply and practice mindfulness after reading the text.

Download Article

1. Use relaxation strategies to help you stay calm. A text from a narcissist may make you tense up, so take care of yourself with some grounding exercises. Set down your phone and focus on your body’s reactions. If your muscles are clenching up, roll your shoulders and massage your jaw. Ten or more deep breaths will keep you at a normal resting heart rate. Close your eyes and relax every muscle group.[10]
   • When you stop and ground yourself, any feelings of anger can fade.
   • You can also visualize an image that makes you hopeful or happy. You might have plans to go to the beach on the weekend or have a fun wedding to attend.
Advertisement

10

Chat with a friend about any feelings that come up.

Download Article

1. Vent to those close to you so you can follow a “no contact” rule. If you decide to go “no contact” with a narcissist and talk to only people you trust, text or call a friend. Reach out and check if they’re available to listen. Share any emotions that came up for you when you received a certain text.[11]
   • It’ll be a lot easier to go “no contact” when you have a lot of other people to reach out to.
   • Ask your friends if they’re ready to unpack the text. If they’re busy or have a lot going on, you can always reschedule a time to talk.
   • If some friends need to talk later, keep following up with other people so you find the support you need.

11

Schedule time to talk to a therapist.

Download Article

1. Book an appointment so you can examine the impact of the text. Speak with a professional trained in healing from narcissistic abuse. They can walk you through practices that build self-esteem, confidence, and strong boundaries. When you need an outlet to describe how you feel about a narcissist and their treatment, a therapist will help you go “no contact” and give you the opportunity to express yourself.[12]
   • A therapist trained in “addiction therapy” can help you remove a “trauma bond,” a chemical reaction that is triggered when a narcissist reaches out.[13]
   • Talk therapy can also identify abuse like “gaslighting,” a form of manipulation that may make you question your beliefs. A therapist focuses on validating your experiences.
   • Your sessions will mainly focus on talking about your self-worth and the happiness you deserve.
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search Add New Question Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement

Tips

• Avoid confronting the narcissist in a harsh way. Instead, point out something good about the narcissist before adding some gentle feedback at the end of your message.[14] Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review! Advertisement

You Might Also Like

How to Respond to a Narcissistic Ex-Husband How to Stop Narcissistic Abuse How to Outsmart a Narcissist Controlling Narcissists: Setting Boundaries & Deescalating Behavior How toTalk to a Narcissist How to Make a Narcissist Miserable Going No Contact with a Narcissist? 11 Potential Reactions How to Break Up with a Narcissistic Partner over Text How to Get Away From a Narcissist How to Beat a Narcissist 12 Ways to Break a Narcissist's Heart How to Ignore a Narcissist & How They’ll Respond What to Say to a Narcissist to Shut Them Down How to Respond to Accusations from a Narcissist Advertisement

References

1. ↑ https://www.foxnews.com/tech/how-ignore-your-friend-text-messages-pretend-you-never-saw-them
2. ↑ https://www.cnbc.com/2023/04/25/etiquette-expert-use-this-3-word-response-when-someone-is-rude-to-you.html
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/narcissism-demystified/202006/7-ways-set-boundaries-narcissists
4. ↑ https://www.vice.com/en/article/dyzknx/how-to-argue-with-a-narcissist
5. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/04/how-to-work-for-a-narcissistic-boss
6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-fracture/202212/how-to-communicate-with-a-narcissist
7. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview
8. ↑ https://lesley.edu/article/the-psychology-of-emotional-and-cognitive-empathy
9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/201908/10-stages-in-the-treatment-narcissistic-disorders

More References (5)

10. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/strategies-controlling
11. ↑ https://www.nelson.edu/thoughthub/the-psychology-of-venting
12. ↑ https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/counselling-for-narcissistic-abuse
13. ↑ https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/counselling-for-narcissistic-abuse
14. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview

About This Article

Co-authored by: Vernita Marsh, PhD Licensed Clinical Psychologist This article was co-authored by Vernita Marsh, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Madeleine Flamiano. Dr. Vernita Marsh is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the CEO and Founder of Dr. Vernita Marsh & Associates and The Marsh Clinics®. With over 30 years of clinical psychology experience, she specializes in relationship therapy, grief counseling, family therapy, and intimate partner abuse counseling. Dr. Marsh offers consultation for therapists, coaches, and trainees of mental health. Dr. Marsh earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Michigan State University and completed both her postdoctoral and fellowship training at Harvard Medical School. She also has expertise in the area of Telehealth and has received Clinical Telehealth Health Provider Certification from Evergreen. This article has been viewed 119,404 times. How helpful is this? Co-authors: 8 Updated: January 29, 2025 Views: 119,404 Categories: Texting

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Read More...

In other languages German Spanish Portuguese French Vietnamese Dutch Turkish Italian Indonesian Japanese

• Print
• Send fan mail to authors

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 119,404 times.

Is this article up to date?

Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Vernita Marsh, PhD Licensed Clinical Psychologist Click a star to vote Co-authors: 8 Updated: January 29, 2025 Views: 119,404

Quizzes & Games

Am I a Narcissist or an Empath QuizTake QuizAm I Dating a Narcissist QuizTake QuizShould I Text Him or Not QuizTake QuizIs My Friend Toxic QuizTake QuizNarcissist TestTake QuizCraft the Perfect Reply to Any TextGenerate

You Might Also Like

How to Respond to a Narcissistic Ex-HusbandHow to Stop Narcissistic AbuseHow to Outsmart a NarcissistControlling Narcissists: Setting Boundaries & Deescalating Behavior

Featured Articles

How toRemove Shorts from Search Results on YouTubeWhat Are the Korean Animal Face Types? (And Which Type Do You Have?)Being the Little Spoon While Cuddling: Is It Better Than the Big Spoon?115+ Funny “Get Well Soon” Messages to Make Someone Laugh110+ “Fun Facts” for Interviews, Introductions, & IcebreakersHow Long Would You Survive In A Zombie Apocalypse?

Trending Articles

Am I Autistic Quiz210+ Shower Thoughts: Funny, Deep, Weird & Mind-BlowingHow Sexual Am I QuizWhy Can't I Sleep QuizWhat's My Personality Based on My Song Choices QuizGuess My Deepest Secret Quiz

Featured Articles

How to Roast Someone in a Rap Battle (Plus the Best Bars of All Time)What Turns a Girl On? 31 Things to Try on Your PartnerLove AnalyzerSending Your Sweetie a Love Note? Here are 200+ Romantic IdeasHow toExercise Your BrainHow toBe a Fun Person to Hang out With

Featured Articles

What Does Your Morning Routine Say About You?How toDevelop Productive HabitsHow toPractice Self CareWhat Song Matches Your Life Right Now?Will 2026 Be Your Year? Reveal Your FutureUnderstanding the Most Attractive Face Shapes (& Determining Your Own)

Watch Articles

Amazing Super Bowl Party Ideas Guests Will Cheer ForHow toDevelop Listening SkillsHow toNot Lose Your GirlfriendHow to Draw an OwlHow toTreat AllergiesHow toIntroduce Friends to Other Friends

Trending Articles

Can We Guess If You're Single or Taken?What Would My Nickname Be QuizCan We Guess How Tall You Are Quiz5 Different Types of Butts: Find Your ShapeHow toBe PrettyKissing Tips: The wikiHow Guide to the Perfect Kiss

Quizzes & Games

Am I Toxic QuizTake QuizAm I Mean QuizTake QuizIs My Mom a Narcissist QuizTake QuizAm I Being Gaslighted QuizTake QuizHow Nonchalant Am I QuizTake QuizIs My Friend Self-Centered QuizTake Quiz

• Categories
• Education and Communications
• Communication Skills
• Phone Skills
• Texting

wikiHow Newsletter You're all set! Helpful how-tos delivered toyour inbox every week! Sign me up! By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy.

• Home
• About wikiHow
• Experts
• Jobs
• Contact Us
• Site Map
• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• Do Not Sell or Share My Info
• Not Selling Info
• Contribute

Follow Us

×

wikiHow Tech Help Pro:

Level up your tech skills and stay ahead of the curve

Let's go! X --659