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Charisma and Charm
How to Be Charming Download ArticleExplore this Article methods 1 Having a Charming Attitude 2 Wielding Physical Charm 3 Charming People With Words Other Sections Comments Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Article Summary Co-authored by Dr. Abbie Maroño
Last Updated: November 3, 2025 Fact Checked
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This article was co-authored by Dr. Abbie Maroño. Dr. Abbie Maroño is a behavioral and social scientist based in Orlando, FL. She is acknowledged by the U.S. Department of State as a top 1% expert in her field and has delivered specialized behavioral analysis training to representatives from 29 U.S. federal agencies, including the U.S. Secret Service, FBI, and Department of Homeland Security. Dr. Abbie is the creator of The Upper Hand, a proprietary framework for understanding human decision-making and influence. After delivering this training, the U.S. Secret Service recognized her expertise with an award for outstanding contribution to their forensic services. Dr Abbie earned her PhD in psychology from Lancaster University and became a Professor of Psychology at 23, now serving as Director of Education at Social-Engineer, LLC, specializing in behavior analysis. She contributes regularly to Forbes, Court TV, and Apple News and has been featured on BBC News, Fox News, WIRED, and Forbes Breaking News. Dr. Abbie is also a highly sought-after expert witness, retained for high-profile cases, including lawsuits involving A-list celebrities. There are 13 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 3,211,578 times.
Charm is the art of having an attractive personality. Some people charm others the moment they enter a room, while others earn a reputation as a charmer over a period of time. While everyone is born with differing amounts of natural charm, much can be acquired and honed through practice. Read on to learn how to use your attitude and body language to be charming.
Top Tips for Becoming More Charming
Body language & nonverbal communication expert Dr. Abbie Maroño suggests subtly mimicking other people’s body language, like matching their leg or arm posture. Remember people’s names, show genuine interest in them, and talk about yourself as well. Maintain eye contact and smile, too.
Steps
Method 1 Method 1 of 3:
Having a Charming Attitude
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1 Be genuinely interested in people.[1]X Expert Source Maureen TaylorCommunications CoachExpert Interview You don't have to love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by people in some way. Charming people walk into a room full of people ready to spend time talking to others; they don't stand against the wall waiting for the moment when they can escape. What interests you about other people? If you're empathetic, maybe you're interested in how people feel. Maybe you're interested in what makes people tick, or what knowledge they hold. Use your interest as the basis for getting to know people.[2]X Expert Source Candice MostisserRelationship CoachExpert Interview [3]XResearch source
Learn how to ask questions based on your interests while being polite and others will feel they are interesting.
Follow up with more questions to continue showing your interest; the person you're talking to should never feel that you're trying to cut the conversation short.
2 Remember people's names[4]XResearch source when you meet them for the first time. This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people, but it's completely worth doing if you want to be charming. When introducing yourself, repeating the person's name will help you to remember it. For example: "Hi, Jack, I'm Wendy." Follow through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye.[5]XResearch source
Repeating someone's name is not just about helping you to remember that person. The more often you say someone's name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they'll warm up to you.
If someone else walks up while you're having a conversation, introduce the two people by name.
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3 Assume rapport. This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you.[6]XResearch source
Kindness, coupled with respect, makes others feel as if they are loved and cared for. This is a powerful tool during interaction.
4 Talk about topics that interest the people you're with. If you're in a sporty crowd, talk about last night's game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you're with a group of hobbyists, ask about their hobbies and make pertinent remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, and so on.[7]X Expert Source Candice MostisserRelationship CoachExpert Interview
Nobody expects you to be an expert. Sometimes you can build rapport just by asking questions, and not caring if you seem naive. There are people who like talking about and explaining their interests, and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around.
Exercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you're hoping to learn more about it.
5 Share information about yourself. Being quiet about yourself makes you seem standoffish. Sharing as much about yourself as you ask others to share is a way to build trust with other people. They'll feel special because you wanted to talk about your life with them, and before you know it you'll have new friends.
Ambereen Ovais
Jul 31, 2017
"The article was very well-articulated. It helped me to refocus on my skills as a teacher and social person. Some of the tips I already try to emulate, but reading about it helped me to understand my behavior more clearly. Thank you."more comments..." more Rated this article:
Advertisement Method 2 Method 2 of 3:
Wielding Physical Charm
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1 Make eye contact.[8]X Expert Source Maureen TaylorCommunications CoachExpert Interview Looking at people directly in the eyes gives you a certain hold over them. It projects confidence on your end while making the person you're speaking with feel that they are interesting enough to gaze upon. Keep eye contact throughout the conversation.[9]XResearch source No matter what you're talking about, holding the person's eyes will make you seem more charming.
2 Smile with your eyes.[10]X Expert Source Maureen TaylorCommunications CoachExpert Interview Scientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is the Duchenne smile - a smile that pushes up into the eyes.[11]XResearch source The reason it's more genuine is because the muscles needed to smile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not in a courtesy smile. Also, if you look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charm them.
3 Give a firm handshake. Shaking a person's hand when you first meet them is a polite way to show the person they're someone you want to talk to. Use a firm grip, but don't hold on too tight - you don't want to hurt the person's hand. After one good shake, release the person's hand from your grip.[12]XResearch source
In regions where shaking hands is not customary, use a different appropriate physical gesture to show you're interested in talking to someone. A kiss on both cheeks, a bow, or another physical gesture gets the conversation off to a good start.[13]XResearch source
4 Use charming body language.[14]X Expert Source Maureen TaylorCommunications CoachExpert Interview Face the person you're talking to so that it doesn't seem as though you're anxious to walk away as soon as the conversation is over. During the course of the conversation, it may be appropriate to use light touching to keep it moving. You can lightly touch the person's shoulder to emphasize a point, for example. At the end of the conversation, decide whether it's appropriate to give a quick hug or another handshake.
5 Control your tone and speed of voice. Your voice should be gentle and peaceful, yet direct. Don't talk too fast as this makes you appear nervous, but if you talk too slow people could think you are unintelligent, you need to speak slow enough that your words are clear but not slow that it feels like the conversation is dragging on. Articulate your words clearly and project your voice. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does your voice sound sincere?[15]XResearch source
Advertisement Method 3 Method 3 of 3:
Charming People With Words
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1 Use impressive phrasing. Be mature and use a touch of wise, polite language. Don't you find people that say "Hello" are much more charming than people that mutter "'Sup"? Here is another example: Change "It's none of his beeswax!" to "It shouldn't be any of his concern." Of course, don't overdo it, but try to be polite and turn every negative into a positive.
2 Issue compliments generously. Compliments raise others' self-esteem and make them feel fondly toward you. If you like someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it.
If you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment them, even if you feel that there is room for improvement.[16]X Expert Source Candice MostisserRelationship CoachExpert Interview
If you notice that someone has changed something about themselves (haircut, manner of dress, etc.), notice it and point out something you like about it. If you're asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliment.
3 Be gracious in accepting compliments. Get out of the habit of assuming that a compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment.[17]X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business ReviewOnline and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
Go beyond a mere "Thank you" and enjoin this with "I'm glad you like it," or "It is so kind of you to have noticed." These are compliments in return.
Avoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response "Oh well, I wish I were as ______ as you in that situation." This is tantamount to saying, "No, I am not what you are saying I am; your judgment is wrong."
4 Praise others instead of gossiping. If you're speaking with someone or you're talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Kind hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100 percent sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.
5 Be a good listener. Charm isn't always an outward expression, but an inward one too. Engage the other person to talk more about his or herself, about something that they like, something they're passionate about, about themselves. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express themselves with you.[18]X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business ReviewOnline and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
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Comments
Helena Collins
Sep 25, 2016
"Thank you so much for this article! You see, most people in my class didn't usually interact with me, unless there was a group project to be done. I started following these tips around people and it worked out really well for me! You guys gave me the extra confidence I needed! I owe you!"..." more
Anonymous
Jul 22, 2017
"The eye contact and the smile steps helped me a lot, because I thought that if you always smile and make eye contact, the person you are talking to would think you are crazy or making fun of him/her. Thank you, I hope you always post such helpful articles."..." more
Anonymous
Mar 9, 2017
"I never really thought of having an attitude that changes how others see me. The article helped me to realize not to think too much, and simply aim for being kind and give out an easily approachable impression of myself."..." more
Mahat Ahmed Shukri
Jul 4, 2016
"The article cemented what I felt I have and it increased my confidence. It was truly an eye opener and I appreciate the person or persons who have helped this website to be. I feel new and a bit reassured."..." more
Anonymous
Jun 21, 2016
"To be honest, I already did most of these things, but reading the article helped me not take the polite things I have done for granted, and remided me that I should continue being kind."..." more
Tamera
Jul 3, 2017
"Many of these things I have been utilizing already in my pursuit of self improvement. I love the idea of turning every negative into a positive and showing true interest in people."..." more
Anonymous
Oct 26, 2016
"This article helped me a lot. It mentioned many aspects I never thought about (for example, not giving a compliment back and talking positive about others). Thank you!"..." more
Anonymous U.
Dec 11, 2024
"Thank you!!! It actually works, especially the smile thing. I don't know if this will work for you, but I'm now dating my crush thanks to this article. Thanks again!!"..." more Rated this article:
Dulciana Curnow
Feb 11, 2017
"People in my class didn't talk to me that often. I followed these steps, and it worked! Everybody gives me compliments and wants to be my friend. Thanks so much!"..." more
Sabrina Albretsen
Jan 26, 2023
"The tip about what to say to a person complimenting you instead of just "thank you" was really helpful! I'll definitely make sure to remember that one!"..." more
Diane Greer
May 31, 2016
"I've been having some problems with people's attitudes towards me. Some of the suggestions in this article are ones I can use. Thank you so much."..." more
Anonymous
Aug 1, 2017
"I love this article! This really helped me. A person in my class didn't like me that time, now I found a perfect way to make friends."..." more
Carmel Usha
Apr 5, 2016
"It really made me so very happy and I feel great within myself. Thank you. I feel relaxed and fresh. I'm happy to have a new friend."..." more
Maria Long
Aug 20, 2016
"Showed me that in a conversation, always changing anything negative said to a positive can be very charming and appealing!"..." more
Marian Chiara
Nov 12, 2016
"I prefer to let others be first, but I value my own worth and respect myself enough to strive for a positive attitude."..." more
Aisha L.
Jul 5, 2017
"I have always been loud and foul-mouthed. I also laugh a lot, and I've always been too kind. Now am that classy lady."..." more Rated this article:
Saif Khan
Jun 10, 2016
"I don't have the charming personality and have confused behavior. Despite all this, the article helped me a lot."..." more
Taruna B.
Jun 4, 2017
"It surely helped me to converse on positive notes and making the other person interested and confident as well."
Liko Gegia
Oct 29, 2016
"I like this page because there's everything for a happy, inspirational life. I want more pages like this. "
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Tips
Smile at people you meet. Thanks Helpful 20 Not Helpful 2
Be kind and gentle; not loud and rude. Thanks Helpful 22 Not Helpful 3
Never put yourself above another. For example, if someone drops a book near you, stoop down, pick it up and graciously hand it to them saying, "I think you dropped this". You will stand out as being caring and willing to help. Thanks Helpful 19 Not Helpful 6
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Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
"Being present and engaged in the moment allows you to really connect with people. Focus on who you're talking to and what they're saying rather than being distracted." - Cyrus O.
"Share a little about yourself to draw people in, but keep some mystery too. Let your personality emerge naturally over time so people get to know the real you." - Chiara E.
"Stay positive and calm in tense moments. Take a deep breath rather than snapping. Your charm comes from inner confidence, not bravado." - Craig S.
"Make eye contact first when approaching someone new. It builds connection. But stay alert in case of potential threats. Safety first." - Christian A.
"Don't overthink being charming. Relax and let your natural warmth emerge. Sincerity beats forced charm any day." - Claudia W.
Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review! Advertisement
Warnings
Don't confuse being charming with being a people pleaser. Thanks Helpful 1003 Not Helpful 76
Every so often you will have no choice but to express an opinion that few others hold. That is fine. Consider expressing it in a humorous way. Humor is the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down. Thanks Helpful 752 Not Helpful 99
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Co-authored by: Dr. Abbie Maroño Body Language & Nonverbal Communication Expert This article was co-authored by Dr. Abbie Maroño. Dr. Abbie Maroño is a behavioral and social scientist based in Orlando, FL. She is acknowledged by the U.S. Department of State as a top 1% expert in her field and has delivered specialized behavioral analysis training to representatives from 29 U.S. federal agencies, including the U.S. Secret Service, FBI, and Department of Homeland Security. Dr. Abbie is the creator of The Upper Hand, a proprietary framework for understanding human decision-making and influence. After delivering this training, the U.S. Secret Service recognized her expertise with an award for outstanding contribution to their forensic services. Dr Abbie earned her PhD in psychology from Lancaster University and became a Professor of Psychology at 23, now serving as Director of Education at Social-Engineer, LLC, specializing in behavior analysis. She contributes regularly to Forbes, Court TV, and Apple News and has been featured on BBC News, Fox News, WIRED, and Forbes Breaking News. Dr. Abbie is also a highly sought-after expert witness, retained for high-profile cases, including lawsuits involving A-list celebrities. This article has been viewed 3,211,578 times. 62 votes - 90% Co-authors: 199Updated: November 3, 2025 Views: 3,211,578 Categories: Featured Articles | Charisma and CharmArticle SummaryX
To be charming, try to remember people’s names the first time you meet them and use their name when speaking with them so that the person feels important and respected. Then, use charming body language by smiling, maintaining eye contact, and facing the person during the conversation to make them feel that they are interesting enough to hold your undivided attention. Additionally, be generous with compliments to help raise others’ self-esteem and make them feel fondly toward you. For more tips, like how to be charming by talking about topics that interest the people you’re with, read on!Did this summary help you?YesNo
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Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Dr. Abbie Maroño Body Language & Nonverbal Communication Expert Co-authors: 199Updated: November 3, 2025 Views: 3,211,57890% of readers found this article helpful. 62 votes - 90% Click a star to add your vote
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Download Article Explore this Article methods 1 Having a Charming Attitude 2 Wielding Physical Charm 3 Charming People With Words Other Sections Comments Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Article Summary Co-authored by Dr. Abbie Maroño 
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Co-authored by: Dr. Abbie Maroño Body Language & Nonverbal Communication Expert This article was co-authored by Dr. Abbie Maroño. Dr. Abbie Maroño is a behavioral and social scientist based in Orlando, FL. She is acknowledged by the U.S. Department of State as a top 1% expert in her field and has delivered specialized behavioral analysis training to representatives from 29 U.S. federal agencies, including the U.S. Secret Service, FBI, and Department of Homeland Security. Dr. Abbie is the creator of The Upper Hand, a proprietary framework for understanding human decision-making and influence. After delivering this training, the U.S. Secret Service recognized her expertise with an award for outstanding contribution to their forensic services. Dr Abbie earned her PhD in psychology from Lancaster University and became a Professor of Psychology at 23, now serving as Director of Education at Social-Engineer, LLC, specializing in behavior analysis. She contributes regularly to Forbes, Court TV, and Apple News and has been featured on BBC News, Fox News, WIRED, and Forbes Breaking News. Dr. Abbie is also a highly sought-after expert witness, retained for high-profile cases, including lawsuits involving A-list celebrities. This article has been viewed 3,211,578 times. 62 votes - 90% Co-authors: 199 Updated: November 3, 2025 Views: 3,211,578 Categories: Featured Articles | Charisma and Charm Article SummaryX
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1 Be genuinely interested in people.[1] You don't have to love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by people in some way. Charming people walk into a room full of people ready to spend time talking to others; they don't stand against the wall waiting for the moment when they can escape. What interests you about other people? If you're empathetic, maybe you're interested in how people feel. Maybe you're interested in what makes people tick, or what knowledge they hold. Use your interest as the basis for getting to know people.[2] [3] 
2 Remember people's names[4] when you meet them for the first time. This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people, but it's completely worth doing if you want to be charming. When introducing yourself, repeating the person's name will help you to remember it. For example: "Hi, Jack, I'm Wendy." Follow through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye.[5] 
3 Assume rapport. This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you.[6] 
4 Talk about topics that interest the people you're with. If you're in a sporty crowd, talk about last night's game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you're with a group of hobbyists, ask about their hobbies and make pertinent remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, and so on.[7] 
5 Share information about yourself. Being quiet about yourself makes you seem standoffish. Sharing as much about yourself as you ask others to share is a way to build trust with other people. They'll feel special because you wanted to talk about your life with them, and before you know it you'll have new friends. 
1 Make eye contact.[8] Looking at people directly in the eyes gives you a certain hold over them. It projects confidence on your end while making the person you're speaking with feel that they are interesting enough to gaze upon. Keep eye contact throughout the conversation.[9] No matter what you're talking about, holding the person's eyes will make you seem more charming. 
2 Smile with your eyes.[10] Scientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is the Duchenne smile - a smile that pushes up into the eyes.[11] The reason it's more genuine is because the muscles needed to smile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not in a courtesy smile. Also, if you look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charm them. 
3 Give a firm handshake. Shaking a person's hand when you first meet them is a polite way to show the person they're someone you want to talk to. Use a firm grip, but don't hold on too tight - you don't want to hurt the person's hand. After one good shake, release the person's hand from your grip.[12] 
4 Use charming body language.[14] Face the person you're talking to so that it doesn't seem as though you're anxious to walk away as soon as the conversation is over. During the course of the conversation, it may be appropriate to use light touching to keep it moving. You can lightly touch the person's shoulder to emphasize a point, for example. At the end of the conversation, decide whether it's appropriate to give a quick hug or another handshake. 
5 Control your tone and speed of voice. Your voice should be gentle and peaceful, yet direct. Don't talk too fast as this makes you appear nervous, but if you talk too slow people could think you are unintelligent, you need to speak slow enough that your words are clear but not slow that it feels like the conversation is dragging on. Articulate your words clearly and project your voice. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does your voice sound sincere?[15] Advertisement 
1 Use impressive phrasing. Be mature and use a touch of wise, polite language. Don't you find people that say "Hello" are much more charming than people that mutter "'Sup"? Here is another example: Change "It's none of his beeswax!" to "It shouldn't be any of his concern." Of course, don't overdo it, but try to be polite and turn every negative into a positive. 
2 Issue compliments generously. Compliments raise others' self-esteem and make them feel fondly toward you. If you like someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it. 
3 Be gracious in accepting compliments. Get out of the habit of assuming that a compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment.[17] 
4 Praise others instead of gossiping. If you're speaking with someone or you're talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Kind hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100 percent sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you. 
5 Be a good listener. Charm isn't always an outward expression, but an inward one too. Engage the other person to talk more about his or herself, about something that they like, something they're passionate about, about themselves. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express themselves with you.[18] Advertisement 
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