36 Questions For Increasing Closeness | Practice

Evidence That It Works

Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363-377.

Unacquainted pairs of participants instructed to ask one another the 36 Questions for Increasing Closeness reported a greater increase in feelings of closeness than pairs instructed to ask one another 36 superficial questions instead. Pairs who completed the closeness exercise felt closer regardless of whether they shared certain core beliefs and attitudes, or whether they expected the exercise to work in the first place. Remarkably, their feelings of closeness following the conversation matched the average level of closeness that other participants reported feeling in their closest relationships.

Who Has Tried the Practice?

While there is no demographic information in the original 1997 study, additional studies explore how this exercise benefits different groups and cultures, including how it can reduce social prejudice and its consequences:

• Undergraduate freshmen in Germany grew fonder of each other and felt more socially integrated at school after completing 36 Questions virtually with a partner, regardless of differences in migration status, disability status, age, or sexual orientation.
• White, heterosexual, English-speaking undergraduate students in the northeastern United States improved in attitudes toward gay men and lesbian women, experienced more positive feelings of interpersonal closeness, and showed more friendliness after they completed a version of this exercise with a partner who disclosed their homosexuality.
• Latino and white undergraduate students who were high in unconscious racial prejudice (or highly concerned about rejection based on their race) experienced reductions in stress biomarkers when completing 36 Questions, particularly in cross-race pairs. 36 Questions also helped some students seek out more interracial interactions and feel less anxious in their diverse university setting.
• Non-Roma undergraduate students in Hungary with “fairly negative” attitudes toward the Roma developed more positive attitudes toward them after performing 36 Questions with a Roma student for one hour.

More research is needed to explore whether, and how, the impact of this practice extends to other groups and cultures.