9 Ways To Stop Taking Life Too Seriously I Psych Central

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Psych CentralSubscribeAre You Taking Life ‘Too Seriously’? How It Looks and What to Do

Medically reviewed by Tiffany Taft, PsyD — Written by Kaitlin Vogel and Sandra Silva — Updated on November 1, 2024

How to stop
What it looks like
Why not do it
Recap

Being unable to connect with joy and sweating the small stuff may indicate you’re taking life too seriously. Identifying and changing negative thinking patterns, laughing more often, and avoiding comparisons may help.

Taking life “too seriously” may mean different things to different people and result from various life experiences and environmental factors.

Taking things seriously isn’t inherently “wrong” or “bad.” But, in general, if you are persistently preoccupied, distressed, or overwhelmed, and daily tasks and responsibilities negatively impact your mood, developing some new coping skills may help.

How to stop taking life too seriously

If you feel you are taking life too seriously or need new ways to find joy and relax, these tips may help.

Identifying your negative thinking patterns

Thoughts aren’t facts. But they can affect the way you feel and how you act. Keeping a close eye on thinking patterns can help you manage their impact on your mood and behavior. If you tend to think negatively, becoming self-aware of how you process facts can help.

“Identify and challenge your negative [thinking] cycles that are on repeat,” said Jennifer R. Wolkin, PhD, a clinical neuropsychologist based in New York City. “What are you preoccupied with, and what cognitive distortions might be getting in the way of thinking more accurately?”

Cognitive distortions, like jumping to conclusions, overgeneralizations, and catastrophizing, are filters we all put on our thoughts from time to time. Lifting the filter can help us see more clearly and focus on facts.

Read more about how to let go of negative thoughts.

Focusing on the good

Yes, your flight was delayed, and you may be late for that meeting, but perhaps you can now spend more time with your family because of it.

“Focusing on the unexpected benefits rather than the outcome can make a big difference,” explained Natalie Bernstein, a psychologist and therapeutic life coach in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Seeing the silver lining isn’t always possible, but training your brain to go there first may help you cope with everyday stress.

Asking yourself: “Will this matter later?”

While life does have serious moments, there’s a lot we can let go of and accept for what it is. Creating distance between you and the challenge may help you assess its potential impact on your mood and well-being.

Bernstein recommends considering how much the current situation may matter in the foreseeable future. If you determine it may not have a lasting impact on your life, you may not want to spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it.

Recognizing and appreciating resilient moments

Consider recalling a few situations when things didn’t turn out as planned, but you still adapted.

“Moments when you were surprised, didn’t give up, and then figured it out,” said Bernstein.

And if it happened before, it can happen again. New challenges may be just another opportunity to remember how things may work out in the end.

Remembering that you’re doing the best you can

No one else likely has life figured out any better than you. It may sound cliche, but you’re doing the best you can with the available internal and external resources.

“You weren’t given an instruction manual, and you can only do the best you can with the information you have at the time,” said Bernstein. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re a work in progress.”

Not engaging in comparison

Comparison can lead to feelings of unworthiness.

“Comparing ourselves to others steals any semblance of joy, as we start to live life as if it’s a race,” said Wolkin.

Read more about how to manage feelings of not being good enough.

Creating a toolbox for times of stress

Stress is a natural response to a real or perceived threat. While stress is inevitable, how you respond to the stressor is your choice.

“When stressed, we tend to take life too seriously,” explained Wolkin. Chronic stress can increase your chance of developing “mental health challenges, high blood pressure, and so on.”

Knowing when to pause a reaction can help you regain perspective and decrease distress. Wolkin recommends taking a nature walk, engaging in a mindfulness practice, or starting a journal.

Ditching perfectionism

Setbacks will happen, but trying to make everything perfect can make the setbacks seem overwhelming.

“Embracing your perfectly imperfect human self can help release a lot of pressure to live up to unreachable expectations,” said Wolkin. “It’s OK to make mistakes; making them doesn’t mean you’re not enough.”

Making fun of yourself, forgiving your mishaps, and focusing on the next opportunity can help you stop taking some things too seriously and find joy in being imperfectly human.

Consciously creating opportunities to laugh

Try to find humor in daily life. Laughing is the best medicine, and it can modulate your mood. Just laughing without a reason can help decrease stress hormones and relieve anxiety.

“Instead of news shows, watch comedies or funny videos or hang out with funny people,” said Wolkin.

Asking for help

How you see and navigate life is often the result of early life experiences and coping mechanisms you’ve developed to manage challenges.

In some cases, as you become aware of these mechanisms and learned responses, you can work on changing them. Other times, it may require additional support to understand where they come from and how to switch to more helpful ways.

Working with a mental health professional can help you reframe how you assess or respond to situations. They can also work with you in actionable strategies to reduce relationship friction, regain your ability to enjoy, and boost your mood.

Read more about how to find a therapist.

What does taking life too seriously look like?

American writer and philosopher Elbert Hubbard once said, “Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.”

And while everyone probably has their own take on what being “too serious” means, there are a few signs that you may be dealing with a high level of stress.

For example, you may:

constantly worry about the small things
experience high levels of frustration and irritability
not have time or energy to connect with friends, family, or co-workers
rarely have time to unwind
focus on the negative aspect of every situation
have a hard time forgiving others
think about the worst-case scenario before anything else
hold high expectations and demands for yourself
avoid activities out of your comfort zone
feel the urge to explain yourself constantly
compete with others at work or home
think in terms of black or white

If these behaviors or thoughts affect the way you see yourself and others or cause friction in your relationships, consider speaking with a mental health professional. They can help you explore the underlying causes of these patterns and provide an action plan to cope.

Why not taking life too seriously may be helpful

It is important to respond proportionally to life’s challenges. This means matching your reaction and behavior to the situation’s gravity instead of overreacting or underreacting.

Sweating the small stuff or using all your emotional and mental resources to manage a situation that doesn’t require it can deplete your energy and impact your well-being. In this sense, taking life too seriously may lead to the following consequences.

You may lose sight of what’s important

Try to prioritize what truly matters to you.

“If we take life too seriously, we lose sight of what needs our serious attention,” said Wolkin. “How can we parse what is serious if we think it all is!”

You may get stuck on a worry loop

Letting the worry and stress take over can affect your mood, thinking abilities, and relationships.

“Taking life too seriously usually leads to more worrying,” explained Wolkin. “Constant rumination on our regrets of the past or what we’re trying to control in the future only leads to [distress].”

You could miss out on the positives

Don’t underestimate the power of gratitude and choosing to focus on the positive.

“When we take life too seriously, we lose out on the opportunity to experience a gamut of emotional experiences, including joy,” said Wolkin. “We don’t make space to stay awake to the beauty of life that’s right in front of us.”

You could experience friction in your relationships

“When we take life too seriously, we might have trouble connecting with people,” explained Wolkin.

Putting too much emphasis on the negatives or being unable to be present and enjoy the moment may unintentionally lead to interpersonal problems. Letting go of the small stuff and appreciating the moment can help you bond and nurture your connections.

You could become mentally exhausted

To put it simply, you may be missing out. Consider viewing some situations through a positive lens and noting how that feels.

“Taking life too seriously takes a lot of mental bandwidth that can be used to engage in more meaningful experiences in life, including time with family and friends,” said Wolkin.

You may miss the opportunity to enjoy more

“If we shift from believing that life happens to us and start to see it as happening for us, our lives can begin to feel more joyful and less burdensome,” said Bernstein. “Once you move away from thinking your purpose is your job or viewing life as a series of set stages you have to accomplish, you can start to see life in a new light.”

This may require becoming more present and reframing your thoughts.

Let’s recap

Only you can determine if you’ve been taking life “too seriously.” But if you are constantly sweating the small stuff, unable to let go and enjoy the moment, and experiencing high stress levels, you could benefit from new coping skills.

Avoiding comparisons, focusing on the positives of most situations, identifying and reframing negative thinking, and laughing more often could help you reconnect with joy.

It’s natural if these seem like challenging tasks. In this case, consider working with a mental health professional. They can help you explore the cause of these difficulties and provide actionable guidance on implementing these and other helpful strategies.

2 sourcescollapsed

Bernstein N. (2022). Personal interview.
Wolkin J. (2022). Personal interview.

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Medically reviewed by Tiffany Taft, PsyD — Written by Kaitlin Vogel and Sandra Silva — Updated on November 1, 2024

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