Bill Maher - Official Site

Schedule

BILL MAHER COMEDY TOUR

View More Scheduled Dates MORE “I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws? “

- Bill Maher -

“Men are only as loyal as their options.”

- Bill Maher -

All religion is just an opinion.

- Bill Maher -

“As you go down the path of life, ask what’s true. Not who else believes it.”

- Bill Maher -

“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.'”

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“Trump rides the bus with Billy Bush and we throw Al Franken under it.”

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“I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.”

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“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

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“George Bush, compared to these tea baggers, he looks like a professor.”

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“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”

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“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.”

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“To really understand how whack religion is, you have to look at the new religions– which for this country is Mormons and Scientologists. Who I think should merge and make Mormontology.”

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“There’s a reason small towns are small. No one wants to live there.”

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“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”

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“Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.”

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“Isn’t the problem that almost all Republicans are conservative, but not all Democrats are liberal?”

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“If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.”

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“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”

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“What do you think would happen if tomorrow Obama showed up with Kanye’s crop circles shaved into his head? Stock market would lose 5,000 pts.”

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“There are good people who do good things, there are bad people who do bad things, but to get a good person to do a bad thing takes religion.”

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HEADLINES

November 21, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Nov. 21, 2025 November 14, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Nov. 14, 2025 November 7, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Nov. 7, 2025 October 31, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Oct. 31, 2025 October 24, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Oct. 24, 2025 October 17, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Oct. 17, 2025 October 3, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Oct. 3, 2025 September 26, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Sept. 26, 2025 September 19, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Sept. 19, 2025 September 12, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Sept. 12, 2025 View More Headlines MORE

VIDEOS

The Banishing Act | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) Can we please try to remember – especially at this time of year – that ghosting anyone who disagrees with you politically is not the way to fix what’s wrong with the country. John Malkovich | Club Random with Bill Maher Lara Trump | Club Random with Bill Maher Patton Oswalt | Club Random Flirting with Socialism | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) Democratic Socialism is like a dating profile: things look great until you meet up in the real world. Democracy’s Last Line of Defense | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) The Supreme Court has one last chance to decide whether we will still abide by the Constitution, or ignore it like the Bible. Cheryl Hines | Club Random with Bill Maher Ghost Brands | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) The cautionary tale of the “ghost brand” is an important one, because it applies not only to business but also to politics. Michael Rapaport | Club Random with Bill Maher Crazy in Gov | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) Republicans have to be honest about who, these days, is more deranged. View More Videos MORE

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