Bill Maher - Official Site

Schedule

BILL MAHER COMEDY TOUR

View More Scheduled Dates MORE “The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.”

- Bill Maher -

“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?”

- Bill Maher -

“Men are only as loyal as their options.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you don’t know how to feel about the arrest of Julian Assange here’s the rule in Trumpworld: Hiding in an embassy? Bad if you have secrets. Chopping someone up in an embassy? Good if you have oil.”

- Bill Maher -

“To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I agree’.”

- Bill Maher -

“I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws? “

- Bill Maher -

“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

All religion is just an opinion.

- Bill Maher -

“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”

- Bill Maher -

“The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.”

- Bill Maher -

“The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.”

- Bill Maher -

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t hate America. I love America. Thomas Jefferson lived in America. Mark Twain lived in America. So did Billie Holiday and Frank Lloyd Wright… and a lot of other people Sarah Palin never heard of.”

- Bill Maher -

“There’s a reason small towns are small. No one wants to live there.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is bad, drugs are good.”

- Bill Maher -

HEADLINES

November 21, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Nov. 21, 2025 November 14, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Nov. 14, 2025 November 7, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Nov. 7, 2025 October 31, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Oct. 31, 2025 October 24, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Oct. 24, 2025 October 17, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Oct. 17, 2025 October 3, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Oct. 3, 2025 September 26, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Sept. 26, 2025 September 19, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Sept. 19, 2025 September 12, 2025 HBO Real Time Guests Sept. 12, 2025 View More Headlines MORE

VIDEOS

S24 Official Trailer | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) Bill’s back with a new season of Real Time starting Friday January 23, 2026! Tim Allen | Club Random with Bill Maher John Stamos | Club Random with Bill Maher Gus Van Sant | Club Random with Bill Maher Barry Levinson | Club Random with Bill Maher Ana Kasparian | Club Random with Bill Maher The Banishing Act | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) Can we please try to remember – especially at this time of year – that ghosting anyone who disagrees with you politically is not the way to fix what’s wrong with the country. John Malkovich | Club Random with Bill Maher Lara Trump | Club Random with Bill Maher Patton Oswalt | Club Random View More Videos MORE

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