Dating Someone With Depression: What You Should Know

Make Sure You’re Caring for Your Own Mental Health, Too

It’s important to learn how to cope without “being dragged down” into depression. Find ways of coping and understanding the depression so you don’t feel responsible. Engage in self-care and physical activity, and reach out to your support network.

“When dating someone with depression self-care becomes paramount to the success of the relationship. Dealing with depression can be draining, therefore, it is essential to balance with activities that recharge us. Consider what hobbies, activities or interests you can invest your time in to allow you to feel fulfilled.” – Julia Chamberlain, LMHC

Join a Support Group

“Being in a long-term relationship with a partner who received a new diagnosis can be hard. Make sure that you are getting the support that you need. The National Alliance on Mental Illness has local family support groups for individuals who are caring for someone with a mental health concern. The groups are free and are open to the public.” – Jackie Darby, Psy.D., CGP

Let Go of What You Can’t Control

“While finding ways to support your partner is valuable, it is important to keep in mind that it is not your responsibility to manage or fix their depression and ultimately, they still need to be accountable for themselves. Depressed people can’t always help that they feel depressed, but they can, and should, be accountable for managing their symptoms and actively doing things to keep themselves healthy and balanced.” – Hailey Shafir, LCMHCS, LPCS, LCAS, CCS

Find a Therapist

If you’re dating someone with depression and are worried about how to support them or how to take care of yourself, it’s probably time to meet with a therapist. Start your search in an online directory where you can narrow your search by cost, location, and expertise.

Is It OK to Break Up With Someone With Depression?

It can be very hard to be in a relationship with someone who struggles with depression. We all have our individual tolerances. Simply someone having depression can be enough of a reason for someone to leave, but it’s really important to understand depression and make an informed decision for yourself.

Here are some questions to ask yourself if you’re considering breaking up with someone because they’re depressed:

• Is their depression something that is impacting you?
• Is it triggering you?
• What are your views on mental health and depression?
• Do you think you can find a way to work through it?
• Are they taking steps to manage their depression?
• Do you feel like you are the emotional caretaker?

There will be times in all relationships where it may feel imbalanced from time to time, and learning to be flexible during those times is important. At the end of the day, someone with depression may be doing everything they can to work on themselves and you may be doing everything you can to try to make it all work, but it can still be hard to stay in that relationship.

It’s important to consider talking to a couples therapist to sort through this, but if choosing to end the relationship is what is best for you, you need to also make sure you are taking care of yourself. These decisions are never easy, so a professional can help you figure out all your feelings, needs, and expectations and give you and your partner a space to come to a decision together. At the very least, it can help you feel heard if you’re struggling, as depression in relationships can certainly pose additional challenges.

Final Thoughts on Dating Someone With Depression

Dating someone with depression can be challenging, but there are ways to obtain support and guidance. Overall, it is important to find a balance with providing support and care while maintaining appropriate boundaries, taking care of oneself, and feeling fulfilled in the relationship. Additional support from friends and family and/or professional services such as individual or couples counseling may be necessary as well.