How To Comfort Your Girlfriend When She Is Upset: 12 Steps - WikiHow

Skip to ContentQuizzes

• PRO Courses Hot Guides Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade
• QUIZZES All Quizzes Hot Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Trivia Quizzes Taylor Swift Quizzes
• EDIT Edit this Article
• EXPLORE Tech Help ProAbout UsRandom ArticleQuizzes Request a New ArticleCommunity DashboardTrendingForums Arts and EntertainmentArtworkBooksMoviesComputers and ElectronicsComputersPhone SkillsTechnology HacksHealthMen's HealthMental HealthWomen's HealthRelationshipsDatingLoveRelationship Issues Hobbies and CraftsCraftsDrawingGamesEducation & CommunicationCommunication SkillsPersonal DevelopmentStudyingPersonal Care and StyleFashionHair CarePersonal Hygiene Quizzes Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Fun Games ForumsArts and EntertainmentFinance and BusinessHome and Garden Relationship QuizzesCars & Other VehiclesFood and EntertainingPersonal Care and Style Sports and FitnessComputers and ElectronicsHealthPets and Animals TravelEducation & CommunicationHobbies and CraftsPhilosophy and Religion Work WorldFamily LifeHolidays and TraditionsRelationships Youth
• LOG IN

  Log in

  Social login does not work in incognito and private browsers. Please log in with your username or email to continue. Facebook Google wikiHow Account No account yet? Create an account
• RANDOM

• Home
• Random
• Browse Articles
• TrendingNew
• Quizzes & Games
• All QuizzesHot
• Love Quizzes
• Personality Quizzes
• Fun Games
• Dating Simulator
• Learn Something New
• Forums
• Courses
• Happiness Hub
• Explore More
• Support wikiHow
• About wikiHow

• Log in / Sign up

Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow

• Categories
• Relationships
• Dating

How to Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Download Article Co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C

Last Updated: June 5, 2025 Approved

Download Article

• Comforting Her Verbally
|
• Comforting Her Physically
|
• Example Texts and Letter to Comfort Your Girlfriend
|
• Video
|
• Expert Q&A
|
• Tips
|
• Warnings

|Show more |Show less ARTICLE VIDEO X

This article was co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work. There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article has 14 testimonials from our readers, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 1,963,709 times.

When your girlfriend is upset, there are two parts to comforting her. She will need to feel emotional support through the things you say. Also, she will need to feel secured through the physical support that you give her. If you combine these correctly, she’ll feel better in no time.

Steps

Part 1 Part 1 of 2:

Comforting Her Verbally

Download Article

1. 1 Ask her what’s wrong. No matter what your opinion is, keep it to yourself. Let her vent and get the story out, just nodding and adding a small comment when necessary. If she doesn’t want to tell you, don’t pressure her. Some girls don’t like to talk about why they’re so upset. If this is the case, just tell her that you care and let her cry it out. [1]
   • "How're you feeling?"
   • "Hey, is something bothering you lately?"
   • "You seem upset. What's going on?"
   • "I'm here to listen if you want someone to talk to."
   • Try to get her to open up and talk about the issue with you, focusing on what's going on for her, as opposed to what you've done wrong.[2]
2. 2 Be supportive, not dismissive. It doesn’t matter if you don't agree with her issues. Reassure her that you’re there for her. Take her to a private spot and tell her that it’s alright to cry. Ensure her that you’re on her side.
   • "I know that this must feel terrible right now. I'm so sorry."
   • "I can't imagine how you feel. I know this can't be easy."
   • "I’m sorry that you’re upset. Please let me know if I can do anything to make it better.”
   Advertisement
WIKIHOW ORIGINAL RESEARCH “Ugh, you’ve had a bad day. How can your partner help?” 64% “Be waiting at home with open arms. Sometimes a hug is all you need.” was the most popular answer among wikiHow readers. Based on 26,827 votes Last updated 08/13/2025 Take the quiz →
3. 3 Acknowledge the issue and briefly express your feelings. Just showing someone that you see and understand their problem means the world. Keep it short and simple.
   • "I am so sad to hear that your mom is sick."
   • "I know you really deserved that promotion. I'm sorry it didn't work out."
   • "She was a great friend, and I'm upset she's moving away too."[3]
4. 4 Stay away from giving advice. Most people are upset because there is no easy solution. So don't try to offer her one. She's more than likely thought it all out before, and your advice will just keep her circling around how "hopeless" her problems are. Instead, say:
   • "This must be really hard for you."
   • "I wish I had an answer or solution. Just know that I'm here for you no matter what."
   • "What do you think comes next?"
   • "How do you want to handle this?"[4]
   • If you're the cause of the problem, do not try to explain yourself right now. Let her vent and open up first.[5]
5. 5 Empathize and validate her emotions. This one can be hard, but as long as you let her take the lead you can help her get a hold of her feelings. Get her to open up about how she feels instead of the situation or the outcome by drawing on your personal experience. Labeling the feelings will help her control them:
   • "I know you really wanted that job. I would be really let down in your shoes."
   • "You absolutely have a right to be sad; I would be too."
   • "I know you're angry and upset right now. I understand, and it sucks."[6]
   • Reader Poll: We asked 895 wikiHow readers and 58% agreed that the best way to support someone who’s struggling is to show empathy and be a supportive listener. [Take Poll]
6. 6 Stay positive. This is very important. While supporting her, constantly remind her that things will get better. She’s going to be looking to you for advice, so make sure not to be negative. Bring your positive energy to the conversation and she will slowly, but surely, start to pick up on it.
   • "Let it out. You know that, however terrible, these feelings will pass."
   • "Let's remember the good moments together. Remember when..."
   • "This sucks right now, I know. But I will be here for you until things feel better."
7. 7 Avoid minimizing her problems or talking down to her.[7] At the end of the day, remember that you aren't there to make things magically better, you're there to support her. Telling her "it's no big deal" or that "you went through the same thing" will make her feel like you don't take her seriously. Things not to say include:
   • "You were too good for that job anyway. They're not even worth your time." Clearly, since she's upset, she thinks it was worth her time.
   • "I know exactly how you feel." Everyone's problems are unique -- you don't know exactly how she feels, and she'll sense it.
   • "You're so strong -- you'll be fine." Sometimes people need some time not to be strong. Don't make her feel like she can't be vulnerable unless she looks "weak."
   • "I know this is terrible. Did I tell you about the time I......" This isn't about your past problems, so don't try and change the subject.
Advertisement

Next Articles Just For You How to Calm and Comfort a Girl 13 Thoughtful Ways to Comfort Your Girlfriend When She's Upset Part 2 Part 2 of 2:

Comforting Her Physically

Download Article

1. 1 Be patient as she gets a hold of her feelings. This doesn’t mean being passive. Rather, you should watch, wait, and know when to act.[8] It may take a while for your girlfriend to open up depending on how upset she is. Knowing when to act will only be possible through communication.[9] Consistently ask her if she’s ready to talk about it.
   • Only leave her alone if she tells you to. Even if she seems angry or upset, stay with her until she has calmed down.
2. 2 Use physical contact to comfort her. Light touching works wonders. It releases the hormone oxytocin. This hormone elevates feelings of attachment, connection, trust, and intimacy.[10] If you’re holding hands, run your thumb over her knuckles or rub small circles on the back of her hand. You can also place one hand on her shoulder or the small of her back for the same effect.
   • Holding hands is a great stress reliever. This simple act increases a sense of trust and security and lowers cortisol (“stress hormone”) levels.
3. 3 Hug her. Be firm but gentle-soft rocking or patting on the back is fine if you need to calm her down a bit before you can talk. Remember, you’re hugging her to help comfort her, so ensure that she feels safe and protected.
   • Hugs provide a sense of security. We are wired to find touch reassuring.[11]
   • Avoid saying things like "don't cry". If she is feeling very tense, allow her to cry to release her tension.
4. 4 Don’t push it. A gentle touch or hug is plenty to comfort your girlfriend. If she wishes to kiss you, she will.
5. 5 Move her. Physically take her somewhere different to surprise her with an act of kindness. At this point, she might not want to be around other people. Suggest a small getaway to take her mind off of things.
   • Set up a private picnic for the two of you.
   • Treat her to an afternoon massage at the spa.
   • Go see a new comedy movie.
   • Take her for a walk.
Advertisement

Example Texts and Letter to Comfort Your Girlfriend

Sample Example Texts to Comfort Your Girlfriend Sample Letter Template to Comfort Your Girlfriend

Expert Q&A

Search Add New Question

• Question How do you deal with a yelling girlfriend? Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C Licensed Clinical Social Worker Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work. Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C Licensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Answer You should go to a different room or somewhere else. Being yelled at is not fun, and there's nothing you can say at such a time that's going to make it better. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 17 Helpful 52
• Question How do I calm my angry girlfriend? Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C Licensed Clinical Social Worker Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work. Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C Licensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Answer It's helpful to put a system in place in advance so you both know what to do in these situations. You can both go to different places or agree to talk it out in a different manner. When there's a previously agreed plan, everything tends to work out better. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 27 Helpful 38
• Question What do I do when my girlfriend is inconsolable, and won't believe or listen to me. Community Answer Just be there for her, providing your comforting presence as she works through things. However, if she remains despondent for days or weeks, or shows troubling, destructive behavior, find a counselor or mental health professional for specific advice. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 40 Helpful 202

Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement

Video

Tips

• Once she has calmed down, run the tub for her and run out to get some chocolates or something small. This will show that you care about what she’s been through. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0
• Do not storm out. If she doesn’t want to talk, wait until she does. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 2
• If you cannot help her, suggest she talk to a friend. Offer to take her there and pick her up when she’s feeling better. Thanks Helpful 1 Not Helpful 2

Show More Tips Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review! Advertisement

Warnings

• Most girls will appreciate your attempts to comfort them, but some prefer to be alone when they are upset. If they act like or say they want to be alone, back off and give her some space.[12] Don't go too far, because she might change her mind later and want you around. Thanks Helpful 19 Not Helpful 0
• Be careful about using humor to lighten the mood. She might appreciate your efforts, but it's very possible that any jokes you crack will fall flat. Thanks Helpful 331 Not Helpful 65

Advertisement

You Might Also Like

How to Calm and Comfort a Girl 13 Thoughtful Ways to Comfort Your Girlfriend When She's Upset 11 Heartwarming Ways to Cheer Up a Girl When She's Sad How toComfort a Crying Woman How toCheer up Your Girlfriend How toMake a Girl Happy when She Is Angry How toCalm a Girl Down How toComfort Your Sister when She Is Crying How to Give Emotional Support: 13 Proven Techniques What to Say & Do to Comfort Someone Who’s Crying How Do You Comfort Someone & Make Them Feel Better? Experts Weigh In How toConsole an Upset Friend 12 Ways to Emotionally Support Your Wife How to Comfort Someone Physically Advertisement

References

1. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/best-things-to-say-to-someone-whos-depressed/
2. ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview
3. ↑ http://healthland.time.com/2011/01/04/mind-reading-the-art-of-comforting/
4. ↑ http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Comfort-Someone-What-to-Say-in-Difficult-Situations
5. ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview
6. ↑ http://www.prevention.com/sex/friendship/be-better-friend-these-tips-offering-comfort
7. ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201209/the-power-patience
9. ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview

More References (3)

10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unified-theory-happiness/201406/4-benefits-hugs-mind-and-body
11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unified-theory-happiness/201406/4-benefits-hugs-mind-and-body
12. ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview

About This Article

Co-authored by: Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C Licensed Clinical Social Worker This article was co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work. This article has been viewed 1,963,709 times. 3 votes - 67% Co-authors: 43 Updated: June 5, 2025 Views: 1,963,709 Categories: Dating In other languages Spanish Portuguese Italian Russian German French Arabic Indonesian Dutch Thai Vietnamese Korean Japanese Chinese Czech

• Print
• Send fan mail to authors

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,963,709 times.

Reader Success Stories

• 

  Bettina Schaefer

  Mar 25, 2017

  "My boyfriend has problems comforting me when I am sad, and asked me for an example to learn to become better. I..." more Rated this article:

More reader stories Hide reader stories Share your story

Did this article help you?

Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C Licensed Clinical Social Worker 3 votes - 67% Click a star to vote Co-authors: 43 Updated: June 5, 2025 Views: 1,963,709

Bettina Schaefer

Mar 25, 2017

"My boyfriend has problems comforting me when I am sad, and asked me for an example to learn to become better. I..." more Rated this article:

Madushan Pathi

Jul 31, 2016

"I love my wife so much, and sometimes I screw up and need some advice. I do not want to be the reason for her to be..." more

Kushan Jazz

Aug 28, 2016

"I wasn't totally crazy, because my girlfriend is so upset. I didn't know how to fix this, but thanks to..." more

Marty Yates

Nov 1, 2016

"My girlfriend has been so upset lately, and I care about her, so I wanted help on how I could comfort her. This..." more

E. S.

Jul 7, 2017

"My girlfriend has a huge problem going on in her life and I really am struggling to comfort her, and this was very..." more Rated this article: Share yours! More success stories Hide success stories

Quizzes & Games

What Is My Type of Girl QuizTake QuizLove Language QuizTake QuizEmotional Detachment QuizTake QuizWhat's My Dating Style?Take QuizCondolence Message CreatorGenerateHave Your Boyfriend Take this Relationship QuizTake Quiz

You Might Also Like

How to Calm and Comfort a Girl13 Thoughtful Ways to Comfort Your Girlfriend When She's Upset11 Heartwarming Ways to Cheer Up a Girl When She's SadHow toComfort a Crying Woman

Featured Articles

What Does It Mean If Someone Tries to Kill You in Your Dream?200+ Best Questions to Ask Someone You Like (Texting & IRL)How Beautiful Am I Quiz13 Types of Hairlines for Men and Women (And How to Maintain Yours)Which of the 8 Face Shapes Do You Have? Helpful Tips & Style GuidanceMental Illness Test

Trending Articles

Let Us Rate You 1-10: Attractiveness Scale QuizAm I a Gigachad or Totally Chopped?How Rare Is My Birthday QuizHow Nonchalant Am I QuizCan We Guess If You're Single or Taken?How toMake Out

Featured Articles

How toEnjoy the HolidaysHow to Get 250 Grams of Protein Daily: Best Foods, Meal Plans & MoreAm I Girly Quiz200 Fun, Flirty, & Deep Questions to Get to Know a Guy BetterHow to Tighten Skin Under Your Chin: Natural or Surgical OptionsWhat Would My Nickname Be Quiz

Featured Articles

21 Common Hand Signs & Gestures (& What They Mean)170+ Best Useless Facts That Sound Like LiesIs He Interested In Me Quiz15 Signs Your Ex Misses You (and What to Do About It)How to Observe Hanukkah (From Candle Lighting to Latke Frying)165+ "You Are Special" Quotes For Friends, Family, Partners & More

Watch Articles

How toWrap a Round GiftHow toSteam in an OvenHow to Make Plant-Based Meat: 4 Incredible RecipesHow toClean a Silver Necklace4 Easy Ways to Open a Can of SodaHow toPart Your Hair

Trending Articles

Have I Met My Soulmate Yet Quiz180 Good Comebacks & Savage Roasts to Win Any ArgumentAm I a Furry QuizWhat Are the Gay Male Body Types (And Which Do You Have?)What Should My Name Really Be QuizRandom Fortune Generator

Quizzes & Games

Am I Good at Flirting QuizTake QuizHow Emotionally Intelligent Am I QuizTake QuizAm I Clingy QuizTake QuizApology Language QuizTake QuizMental Health QuizTake QuizWhat Human Emotion Am I QuizTake Quiz

• Categories
• Relationships
• Dating

wikiHow Newsletter You're all set! Helpful how-tos delivered toyour inbox every week! Sign me up! By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy.

• Home
• About wikiHow
• Experts
• Jobs
• Contact Us
• Site Map
• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• Do Not Sell or Share My Info
• Not Selling Info
• Contribute

Follow Us

×

Get the free weekly newsletter

wikiHow's Best Advice on Dating & Love

Subscribe The first issue is coming soon! X --779