How To Win An Argument (with Pictures) - WikiHow

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How to Win an Argument: 12 Best Tactics and Strategies Download Article Learn the best ways to turn an argument in your favor Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Look and sound confident. 2 Acknowledge the reason for the argument. 3 Plan how to end the argument in advance. 4 Manage your emotions. 5 Mirror the other person. 6 Listen to the other person. 7 Pay attention to your surroundings. 8 Ask open-ended questions. 9 Reframe the issue. 10 Shift the person's perspective. 11 Show respect and compassion. 12 Know when to end it. + Show 9 more... - Show less... Other Sections Questions & Answers Video Related Articles References Article Summary Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and Jennifer Mueller, JD

Last Updated: October 10, 2024 Fact Checked

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This article was co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Los Angeles, California. She is the founder and clinical director of Coast Psychological Services. With over 12 years of experience, her mission is to provide clients with effective, well-studied, and established treatments that bring about significant improvements in her patients' lives. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. Additionally, she provides group therapy for social anxiety, social skills, and assertiveness training. Providing a space where clients feel understood and supported is essential to her work. Dr. Georgoulis also provides clinical supervision to post-doctoral fellows and psychological assistants. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles. There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 178,219 times.

If you love a heated debate, you've come to the right place. A vigorous argument can be a thrilling exchange of ideas or end in anger and frustration. The key to coming out on top is to stay even-keeled and in control at all times. We talked to clinical psychologist Liana Georgoulis to find out how you can put a little knowledge of psychology to work for you and ace that argument.

Winning an Argument

1. Acknowledge why you're having the argument and what you want to accomplish.
2. Plan how you're going to end the argument so the other person can save face.
3. Control your emotions and stay calm and even-keeled when responding.
4. Pay attention to the people around you so you don't bother them.
5. Learn what the other person values so you can tailor your arguments to them.
6. Follow your planned exit strategy if things become too heated.

Steps

1

Look and sound confident.

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1. Sit or stand tall with strong posture and take up space. If you want to win an argument, start by looking like a winner. When you have good posture, you signal to others that you're proud of yourself and not afraid to be active and present. Straighten up and throw your shoulders back to puff your chest out just a bit. Release the tension in your jaw and relax your face muscles to feel more calm and in control.[1]
   • An open, chest-forward stance not only helps you take up more space but also signals to the other person that you're not closed off to their thoughts or ideas.
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2

Acknowledge the reason for the argument.

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1. State your motives up front and stick to them. Go into the argument with a clear idea of what your ideal outcome would be. Do you want to give the person some food for thought? Empower others who might agree with you but are afraid to speak out? Just have fun and gain some information about a different perspective? Go ahead and let the other person know what your intentions are—it can help both of you be more honest with each other.[2]
   • For example, you might say, "Listen, I'm not trying to bring you over to my side, I just want to give you some things to really think about and seriously consider."
   • You typically won't change someone's mind with one conversation, but you can plant seeds for them to consider later.[3]
   • Think back to this reason as the argument progresses and repeat it as necessary if you feel like the discussion is getting off-track.

3

Plan how to end the argument in advance.

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1. Say something that allows both of you to walk away winners. One of the most important parts of winning an argument is pointing the other person toward an easy out that allows them to feel like they didn't completely lose. While your passion for the topic might lead you toward a more no-holds-barred attitude, you'll come across better if you provide the other person an opening to graciously concede with their ego mostly intact.[4]
   • For example, if your purpose was to give the person food for thought, you might say, "Well, I apologize for getting us a bit off-track, but I meant what I said about my main point. Don't react now—sit and think on it for a few days, then get back to me."
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4

Manage your emotions.

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1. Remain calm and cool-headed to come out on top. Before you start to speak, pause, taking a deep breath in and exhaling slowly. This can help you resist the urge to say the first reactionary, emotion-driven thing that might pop into your head before you have time to process things.[5]
   • Georgoulis agrees that it's a bad idea to try to "communicate if you're overwhelmed and flooded with too much emotion, specifically anger or anxiety."[6]
   • Intentionally keeping your body language open, loose, and relaxed can help you trick your brain into responding in a more relaxed way.
   • Be conscious of your face while you're listening to the other person. Grimaces and eye rolls don't tend to go over that well and won't do anything to make you seem like the bigger person.
   • If the other person raises their voice or gets heated with you, Georgoulis recommends that you "confidently and calmly let the person know they need to be calmer in order for you to continue a discussion with them."[7]

5

Mirror the other person.

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1. Mimic their body language so they feel more comfortable with you. People naturally mimic each other's body language when they feel a rapport—consciously mimic the other person's body language, and they'll feel a rapport with you. That feeling carries through even if you're saying something they completely disagree with.[8]
   • Mirroring also creates a calmer and more relaxed atmosphere, so it's less likely your argument will get out of hand. Maintaining control of the atmosphere is a great way to ensure that you end up on top in the end.
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6

Listen to the other person.

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1. Paraphrase their points to make sure you understand. When the other person speaks, listen actively to what they're saying. When it's your turn to respond, take a moment to rephrase what you heard them say. This allows you to correct any errors in understanding and make sure that you're both hearing each other correctly.[9]
   • Georgoulis emphasizes that this attention to listening should come from both sides because two people in an argument need to "have the willingness to take turns and hear each other's perspectives."[10]
   • Keep in mind that most people need to feel like you understand them before they'll make an effort to try to understand you. Validating their feelings can go a long way toward helping them feel understood.[11]
   • Georgoulis agrees that you should make sure the other person "feels heard and validated before you respond with what you want to say. When someone doesn't feel heard, they tend to repeat themselves and get louder."[12]

7

Pay attention to your surroundings.

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1. Gauge the reactions of people around you to keep from making a scene. If you're in a public place, part of winning an argument includes winning over the inevitable onlookers. You won't win if it comes at the expense of annoying those around you. If people start to look concerned or upset, it's probably time for the two of you to wrap the argument up or take it elsewhere.[13]
   • For example, you might say, "Hey, I hear what you're saying, but that couple at the next table looks like they're grinding us into the ground in their minds. You want to pick this up after we leave?"
   • If you're online, you can "read the room" by looking at what other people are saying in the comments and how other people are reacting to the original post. Take the conversation to private messages if you feel as though you're unfairly monopolizing a comment thread.
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8

Ask open-ended questions.

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1. Gain knowledge about the other person's motivation. When you ask genuine questions, you learn more about what the other person values, where they're coming from, and what makes them tick. It'll be easier for you to win the argument (and maybe even actually change their mind) because you can target what you say so that it's meaningful for them.[14]
   • If you suspect the other person doesn't have quite as much knowledge about something as they claim, ask how they would accomplish whatever they've proposed.
   • They'll likely hem and haw as they realize they don't have enough grasp of the details to provide a cohesive explanation, and you'll have the upper hand.[15]

9

Reframe the issue.

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1. Show the person how to accommodate your perspective. Sometimes, someone will resist what you're saying because they feel that it attacks their core identity, something fundamental to who they are, in some way. If you can find a way to frame the issue so that it's separate from the thing they feel is threatened, they'll be much more open to your viewpoint.[16]
   • For example, if you're arguing about electric vehicles with your uncle and you know that he rebuilds and collects cars, you might tell him that electric vehicles would potentially make his collection more valuable and put his skills in greater demand.
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10

Shift the person's perspective.

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1. Ask them to look at things from a different viewpoint. If the person seems to bogged down in their own head, invite them out to look at things through someone else's eyes. Thinking about the issue the way someone in another country or another religion would can help shake off the dust so you can look at something in a fresh way.[17]
   • Looking from someone else's perspective can also help you see things about an issue that you might not have noticed before.
   • The other perspective doesn't have to be that of an outside person! For example, you might appeal to the person as a parent, as a student, or as a pet owner. That asks them to analyze the issue with specific values in mind.

11

Show respect and compassion.

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1. Be willing to concede a point or two so you seem reasonable. As you talk to the other person, be on the lookout for things that seem really important to them but are relatively meaningless to you (or unimportant to your argument). If you concede these points as you notice them, it helps you look like you're willing to meet them halfway—even if none of these concessions has weakened your position.[18]
   • This also means being willing to admit when you didn't know something or when something you believed was true turned out to be incorrect.
   • If you don't know something, you can simply say, "I don't actually know enough about that to feel comfortable speaking on it. Can I look into it and we can discuss that later?"
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12

Know when to end it.

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1. Give yourself an out if things get too heated. If you want to win an argument, the last thing you want is for it to devolve into some angry shouting match. If you pay attention to the mood and the other person's emotions, you'll be able to tell when things are getting out of hand so you can rein things in and close on a warm note.[19]
   • For example, you might say, "Listen, we're just talking in circles at this point. I think we can agree that none of this is nearly as important as seeing what kind of food they have over there!"
   • This also means letting go of the need to have the last word. There's nothing worse than an argument that drags on and on because neither side refuses to let the other have the last word.
   • At the same time, a well-placed zinger (if you've got one lined up) is a great way to end a heated debate. Get everybody laughing, then quickly change the subject.

Community Q&A

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• Question How do I win an argument against my dad? We sometimes argue, but end up getting stressed over small things. Community Answer Keep your points clear and truthful, and use evidence when you can. Remain calm during your discussion, and if you feel your emotions keep you from doing so, take a break and return to the argument. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 11 Helpful 51
• Question A girl who I call almost daily has an argument waiting for me, and whenever I use proof, she just says it's not true. When I show her proof on a video she just says im showing off. What do I do? Community Answer Why do you call someone daily who is ready to argue with you regardless of your response? Are you a glutton for punishment? Call someone more compatible and polite. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 27 Helpful 52
• Question How do you argue with someone making fun of you? Nizz358 Community Answer Tell them to stop because it's offending you. Ask them how they would feel if the same was happening to them. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 107 Helpful 39

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References

1. ↑ https://www.britishcouncil.org/voices-magazine/how-win-argument
2. ↑ https://www.student.unsw.edu.au/discussion-skills
3. ↑ https://news.vanderbilt.edu/2013/12/02/how-to-win-an-argument/
4. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/03/when-an-argument-gets-too-heated-heres-what-to-say
5. ↑ https://news.nau.edu/how-to-win-an-argument/
6. ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
7. ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
8. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/03/when-an-argument-gets-too-heated-heres-what-to-say
9. ↑ https://www.student.unsw.edu.au/discussion-skills

More References (10)

10. ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
11. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/03/when-an-argument-gets-too-heated-heres-what-to-say
12. ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
13. ↑ https://news.nau.edu/how-to-win-an-argument/
14. ↑ https://hbr.org/2020/07/how-to-actually-change-someones-mind
15. ↑ https://news.vanderbilt.edu/2013/12/02/how-to-win-an-argument/
16. ↑ https://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/advocacy/encouragement-education/reframe-the-debate/main
17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-personal-narrative/201906/the-power-perspective-taking
18. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/03/when-an-argument-gets-too-heated-heres-what-to-say
19. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/03/when-an-argument-gets-too-heated-heres-what-to-say

About This Article

Co-authored by: Liana Georgoulis, PsyD Licensed Psychologist This article was co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Los Angeles, California. She is the founder and clinical director of Coast Psychological Services. With over 12 years of experience, her mission is to provide clients with effective, well-studied, and established treatments that bring about significant improvements in her patients' lives. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. Additionally, she provides group therapy for social anxiety, social skills, and assertiveness training. Providing a space where clients feel understood and supported is essential to her work. Dr. Georgoulis also provides clinical supervision to post-doctoral fellows and psychological assistants. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles. This article has been viewed 178,219 times. 12 votes - 82% Co-authors: 26 Updated: October 10, 2024 Views: 178,219 Categories: Argument Skills Article SummaryX

To win an argument, think before you speak and deliver your arguments in a calm, rational manner. If you find yourself getting upset, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down and keep your voice even when you respond. You should also avoid making vague generalizations like “you never help out around the house,” since these are easy for the other person to brush off. Instead, offer specific points that help the person understand what exactly is upsetting to you. For example, be sure to site particular instances when your roommate didn’t complete their chores or left a big mess in the kitchen. For more tips on winning an argument, like what pitfalls you should avoid when making your points, keep reading! Did this summary help you?YesNo

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