TrendingLife Transformation HabitsTurmeric for Weight LossShraddha KapoorRanbir KapoorAnar Juice BenefitsDiwali WishesKarwa ChauthLife Transformation HabitsTurmeric for Weight LossShraddha KapoorRanbir KapoorAnar Juice BenefitsDiwali WishesKarwa ChauthLife Transformation HabitsTurmeric for Weight LossShraddha KapoorRanbir KapoorAnar Juice BenefitsDiwali WishesKarwa ChauthThis story is from October 3, 2019REVEALED: Why do some women act dumb on dates?TNN / Oct 3, 2019, 14:00 ISTShareAA+Text Size
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Follow us That’s a question we posed to both men and women, and relationship experts, to figure if this approach works... The dating rules and platforms may have changed, but certain stereotypes continue to stick like stubborn chewing gum on your footwear. Take for example the general perception that women dumb down on dates. As hard as we would like to deny this stereotype, the fact is, this trend of thought still continues to fester like a rotting wound. What we can be grudgingly grateful for is that with changing times, people are gradually warming up to the idea of changing the very definition of what ‘dumbing down’ means, even if they are not completely on board yet to weeding it out completely.WHY DO SOME WOMEN DUMB DOWN ON DATES?According to a study done by an international dating site, six in 10 women dumb down on dates so they don’t scare off ‘less intelligent’ men or intimidate them.Nearly half the women struggled to find a partner, who stimulates their brain. So, essentially 59 per cent women appear less intelligent on dates and even changed the topic of conversation, when they realised that their date was clueless about it. The findings of the study may bother women looking for an equal partner.However, all hope is not lost, considering the definition of dumbing down is slowly changing. Dr Sagar Mundada, a psychiatrist goes on to share, “I think the definition of dumbing down has evolved. Earlier, it was expected, and even the norm for women to appear less intelligent so that they do not intimidate men. However, nowadays, women are questioning this perception, and believe that they would rather risk be themselves, than dumb down. But that’s a small section. For many, the definition of dumbing down has changed, where women are encouraged to be less confrontational, more flexible and accommodating at the same time, and yet not be a doormat. The focus of the date is to explore likability and compatibility.”‘TAKING A NON CONFRONTATION STANCE, NOT DUMBING DOWN’Both men and women on the dating scene underline that what people perceive as dumbing down, is actually a non-confrontational stance taken by women to get to know a date. Prajakta Rajesh, a 3-D animator by profession shares, “When it comes to dating, my friends and I have the same approach.While I do not agree with the phrase ‘dumbing down’, I do believe that when one is on a date, you are looking to avoid confrontations, so I would try and curb a tendency to be too opinionated, as that may be misinterpreted as being overbearing and dominating. I would try to appear demure, as I want to make my date feel more comfortable, at least on the first two dates. If it goes beyond that, then obviously you can slowly touch on topics that are debatable.” While some would view that as a form of deception, others think it’s merely a perception. Rahul Gupta, a tour manager says, “I have seen both women, who like being themselves and women who dumb down on dates initially, simply because they are interested in seeing where things go, and don’t want to rock the boat by appearing ‘too intelligent’. Personally, I have no issues dating a confident, intelligent woman, however, I would probably be more receptive to someone who is confident yet demure, has an opinion, but is not confrontational. And I guess some women would resort to ‘dumbing down’ to impress a date to give off that impression.”‘WON’T RESORT TO HIDING MY REAL SELF TO IMPRESS A DATE’Not being yourself just to impress a date may not be the right approach even if some women and men expect it. And not all women will toe this line. As in the case of Gauri Shetye, a data analyst, who dismisses the idea. She says, “I would never dumb down. If I am agreeing to meet someone on a first date, I would like to be myself, and see no reason why my date should be intimidated by who I am. Initially, when I had just started to date people, this perception was always there at the back of my mind. However, I don’t think it applies to all women especially women who are independent like me and would not cloak who they are as that’s a kind of deception.” And that’s one way of looking at it. Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist goes on to elaborate, “Yes, there was a norm earlier and an expectation among people that women should not come across as strongminded because they did not want the men to be intimidated. Most women would rein in their confidence, and try and appear to be more feminine, but not dumb. Even that is slowly changing as more men want women who are emotionally and financially independent. These men have shed their armour as they want women, who can function independently, and are not damsels in distress.”By: Melissa D’CostaEnd of ArticleFOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
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The dating rules and platforms may have changed, but certain stereotypes continue to stick like stubborn chewing gum on your footwear. Take for example the general perception that women dumb down on dates. As hard as we would like to deny this stereotype, the fact is, this trend of thought still continues to fester like a rotting wound. What we can be grudgingly grateful for is that with changing times, people are gradually warming up to the idea of changing the very definition of what ‘dumbing down’ means, even if they are not completely on board yet to weeding it out completely.WHY DO SOME WOMEN DUMB DOWN ON DATES?According to a study done by an international dating site, six in 10 women dumb down on dates so they don’t scare off ‘less intelligent’ men or intimidate them.
Nearly half the women struggled to find a partner, who stimulates their brain. So, essentially 59 per cent women appear less intelligent on dates and even changed the topic of conversation, when they realised that their date was clueless about it. The findings of the study may bother women looking for an equal partner.However, all hope is not lost, considering the definition of dumbing down is slowly changing. Dr Sagar Mundada, a psychiatrist goes on to share, “I think the definition of dumbing down has evolved. Earlier, it was expected, and even the norm for women to appear less intelligent so that they do not intimidate men. However, nowadays, women are questioning this perception, and believe that they would rather risk be themselves, than dumb down. But that’s a small section. For many, the definition of dumbing down has changed, where women are encouraged to be less confrontational, more flexible and accommodating at the same time, and yet not be a doormat. The focus of the date is to explore likability and compatibility.”‘TAKING A NON CONFRONTATION STANCE, NOT DUMBING DOWN’Both men and women on the dating scene underline that what people perceive as dumbing down, is actually a non-confrontational stance taken by women to get to know a date. Prajakta Rajesh, a 3-D animator by profession shares, “When it comes to dating, my friends and I have the same approach.While I do not agree with the phrase ‘dumbing down’, I do believe that when one is on a date, you are looking to avoid confrontations, so I would try and curb a tendency to be too opinionated, as that may be misinterpreted as being overbearing and dominating. I would try to appear demure, as I want to make my date feel more comfortable, at least on the first two dates. If it goes beyond that, then obviously you can slowly touch on topics that are debatable.” While some would view that as a form of deception, others think it’s merely a perception. Rahul Gupta, a tour manager says, “I have seen both women, who like being themselves and women who dumb down on dates initially, simply because they are interested in seeing where things go, and don’t want to rock the boat by appearing ‘too intelligent’. Personally, I have no issues dating a confident, intelligent woman, however, I would probably be more receptive to someone who is confident yet demure, has an opinion, but is not confrontational. And I guess some women would resort to ‘dumbing down’ to impress a date to give off that impression.”‘WON’T RESORT TO HIDING MY REAL SELF TO IMPRESS A DATE’Not being yourself just to impress a date may not be the right approach even if some women and men expect it. And not all women will toe this line. As in the case of Gauri Shetye, a data analyst, who dismisses the idea. She says, “I would never dumb down. If I am agreeing to meet someone on a first date, I would like to be myself, and see no reason why my date should be intimidated by who I am. Initially, when I had just started to date people, this perception was always there at the back of my mind. However, I don’t think it applies to all women especially women who are independent like me and would not cloak who they are as that’s a kind of deception.” And that’s one way of looking at it. Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist goes on to elaborate, “Yes, there was a norm earlier and an expectation among people that women should not come across as strongminded because they did not want the men to be intimidated. Most women would rein in their confidence, and try and appear to be more feminine, but not dumb. Even that is slowly changing as more men want women who are emotionally and financially independent. These men have shed their armour as they want women, who can function independently, and are not damsels in distress.”By: Melissa D’CostaEnd of ArticleFOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
