Understanding The Suicidal Person | Expert Commentary

A Model of Suicide Risk

In his book Why People Die by Suicide, Dr. Thomas Joiner explains that those who kill themselves not only have a desire to die, they have also learned to overcome the instinct for self-preservation. This theory goes beyond previous theories of suicide that were adequate in describing psychological risk factors but did little to explain why some people with those risk factors died by suicide and others did not.

The theory states that wanting death is composed of two psychological experiences. The first is a perception of being a burden to others (perceived burdensomeness). According to Dr. Joiner, when people are in this state, they feel that their death is worth more to the people who love them than their life is. The word "perceived" is emphasized because frequently these thoughts are significantly distorted by depression or other mental disorders. While conventional wisdom might believe that the suicidal person is selfish, Dr. Joiner has found the opposite to be true.

Those who desire suicide often believe that they have become such a burden on others, everyone will be better off if they are not around. In other words, in the mind of the suicidal person, they are practicing ultimate selflessness. When we combine this emotionally painful experience of being a burden with isolation, suicidal despair often results.

Thus, the second common factor in the desire to die is a social disconnection to something larger than oneself (thwarted belongingness). As humans, we are hardwired to be in a relationship with others. For some people, this means just a couple of very intense relationships; for others, it means vast social networks.

When people lose key relationships with partners, children, colleagues, and friends through death, divorce, separation, moves, layoffs, or conflict, they can experience profound distress that can lead to a desire to die. Marked social withdrawal is not temperamental shyness. Rather, it's a marked change: the person used to be engaged with friends and family, and now they withdraw into a bedroom or into their own head, and what you see is what Dr. Joiner calls "an inward gaze of bemused resignation and resolution."