When Your Toddler Bites - BabyCentre UK

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Behaviour and habits

When your toddler bites

Medically reviewed by Angharad Rudkin, Clinical psychologist

Written by Francesca Whiting | 1 Sep 2021 A man is comforting a crying toddler on a grey sofa with cushions.

Photo credit: Katie RainIN THIS ARTICLE

Why do toddlers bite?
What can I do when my toddler bites another child?
How can I prevent my toddler biting?

It can be shocking to hear that your toddler has bitten another child – or to feel their teeth sinking into you. But it may be reassuring to know that your toddler’s biting isn't at all unusual. Biting is common in young children and tends to be more frequent between the ages of one and two years old (KidsHealth 2018). The good news is there's plenty you can do to prevent your toddler biting. Read on for tips.

Why do toddlers bite?

Sometimes young children bite when they're overcome by fear, anger or frustration and don’t have the words to express themselves (Zero to Three 2016a). They may bite in self-defence, or in imitation of another child (NAEYC nd). Or they may bite simply because they’re still teething, in which case you should give them something suitable to bite down on, such as a soother (KidsHealth 2018, NAEYC nd, Zero to Three 2016a). A major change, such as a new baby in the family or a new home, can also cause emotional upset that results in impulsive or aggressive behaviour (Zero to Three 2016b). A toddler may bite if they feel overwhelmed or overstimulated by a busy, noisy environment (Zero to Three 2016a). And sometimes a toddler will bite simply to see what happens (KidsHealth 2018, Zero to Three 2016a). Advertisement | page continues below Most children have bitten someone else at least once, or have been on the receiving end of an unfriendly chomp from another child. Still, knowing that biting is common doesn't make it any easier when your toddler has bitten another child, or when they’ve been bitten. Not only is it upsetting to find out that they’ve been biting, but other parents may be angry and a persistent biter may no longer be welcome at nursery school, playgroup or playdates. The most important thing to keep in mind is that children don't want to attack others – they'd much rather play, explore and enjoy time with their friends. The good news is that biting usually lessens as language skills improve (KidsHealth 2018). In the meantime, there’s plenty you can do to stop it becoming a habit. VIDEO

What can I do when my toddler bites another child?

With biting, it’s important to tackle the behaviour as soon as it happens. Here’s what to do: 1. Make sure both children are safe First, separate the children and make sure they're out of biting distance of each other. 2. Stay calm, and don't blame or punish Whether it’s you being bitten or another child, a swift and firm "No biting" will communicate that the behaviour is unacceptable. Follow up with "Biting hurts" or "You hurt Michaela when you bit her". Though you may be tempted to impress upon your child the seriousness of their actions, harsh punishment can actually make young children more likely to lash out. But do let them know the consequences of their actions: "Look, Michaela’s crying because she’s hurt". (Zero to three 2016a) 3. Help and comfort the child who was bitten Advertisement | page continues below First you'll need to check the damage, and maybe provide some medical attention along with plenty of cuddles. This will show the biter that their behaviour doesn’t get them more attention (Zero to three 2016a). If your toddler wants to, and the bitten child agrees, let your toddler comfort the child too. 4. Take the middle ground It may be that your toddler doesn’t realise that bites hurt and they may be upset that they’ve hurt someone else. It’s best to take the middle ground between punishment and comfort. Avoid comforting your little one as this may give them the message that it’s OK to bite. But also avoid punishing them as this will make your toddler feel ashamed and defensive. 5. Calmly talk about what happened Once you've both calmed down, pick a quiet moment to talk to your child and suggest alternatives to biting, for example: "Use your words when you want to play with Sophie’s doll." Suggest an acceptable way to get what they want, like asking an adult for help. If they’re biting because another child upset them, offer them an alternative, such as saying "No" or "Stop" (Zero to three 2016a).

How can I prevent my toddler biting?

Think about when and why your child bites Advertisement | page continues below Is it at nursery school, when another child snatches away a toy? When other children are crowding your toddler? When they’re hungry? Or does your child try to bite you when you've been feeding the new baby? Your child's nursery school teacher may also have clues about what sets them off. After a while, you'll probably be able to predict when your child's likely to lash out, and be ready to intervene (Zero to Three 2016a). Watch for signs that a bite may be about to happen Warning signs such as crying, yelling, foot-stamping, and lunging often precede biting. If your toddler tends to bite when they’re frustrated, watch them closely and step in with something to distract them before they bite (NAEYC nd, Zero to Three 2016a). If distraction doesn’t work, get physically close to your child and quickly and calmly stop them from sinking their teeth into their target. You might say something like, "I can't let you hurt Lewis," or "No, I don't think I want those teeth any closer," while you gently but firmly give them some time out to let them cool down. Praise good behaviour Advertisement | page continues below Use positive reinforcement when your child behaves, such as "I like how you’re playing gently with Sarah" or "Well done for using your words to get the toy back". The more attention you give good behaviour, the more your toddler will want to please you (KidsHealth 2018). Suggest alternative ways to express strong feelings As your little one’s language skills develop, encourage them to find other ways of expressing strong emotions (KidsHealth 2018). Remind your toddler to use words to tell a child they’re too close or to ask for a turn with the toy. For younger children, it’s perfectly acceptable to teach them how to say a firm "No" if another child upsets them. The most important thing is that your toddler is using words instead of violence to get their point across (AAP 2021). Be consistent with your routine Toddlers thrive on routine. Making sure that you follow a well-established, predictable pattern of sleep, naps, meals and activities can help your toddler feel more emotionally secure, and less likely to lash out (NAEYC nd). Advertisement | page continues below Never bite your child back Some parents think this helps emphasise that biting is painful. Actually, all it shows your child is the wrong way to deal with aggression – that is, by becoming aggressive in return (NAEYC nd). Even a gentle bite from you can contribute to your child's biting – so don’t ever bite them. Read books about biting with your toddler There are lots of books about biting which you can read with your toddler. Chat about the book and ask them what each character may be feeling (Zero to Three 2016a). Teeth Are Not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick is a colourful board book that teaches positive alternatives. Encourage your child to come to you or another adult when they’re upset Advertisement | page continues below You can’t always be with them during their hardest times – when they’re at nursery school, for example – but they need to learn that they can ask you or another adult for help. Suggest that they come to you when they’re unhappy about something, and then give them your full attention when they do. Talk to your child's teacher or childcare provider Ask your child’s carer what interventions they try when it comes to biting, and make sure that you’re both consistent in your approach. This will stop your toddler becoming confused by two sets of rules. Your child’s teacher may suggest a strategy that works well at nursery that you can try in other situations, or vice versa (NAEYC nd). Be patient. It may take several weeks for your toddler’s behaviour to improve. But with perseverance and consistency, your toddler will soon leave biting behind.

Sources

BabyCentre's editorial team is committed to providing the most helpful and trustworthy pregnancy and parenting information in the world. When creating and updating content, we rely on credible sources: respected health organisations, professional groups of doctors and other experts, and published studies in peer-reviewed journals. We believe you should always know the source of the information you're seeing. Learn more about our editorial and medical review policies.

AACAP. 2016. Fighting and biting. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. www.aacap.orgOpens a new window. [Accessed June 2021] AAP. 2021. 10 Tips to Prevent Aggressive Toddler Behavior. www.healthychildren.orgOpens a new window [Accessed June 2021] KidsHealth 2018. Biting. KidsHealth. www.kidshealth.orgOpens a new window [Accessed June 2021] NAEYC. Nd. Understanding and Responding to Children Who Bite. National Association for the Education of Young Children. www.naeyc.orgOpens a new window [Accessed June 2021] Zero to Three. 2016a. Toddlers and Biting: Finding the Right Response www.zerotothree.orgOpens a new window [Accessed June 2021] Zero to Three. 2016b. Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers www.zerotothree.orgOpens a new window [Accessed June 2021]

Francesca Whiting

Francesca Whiting is digital content executive at BabyCentre. She’s responsible for making sure BabyCentre’s health content is accurate, helpful and easy to understand.

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