Why Do People Hurt My Feelings When I Am So Nice To Them?

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you hurt my feelings

By: Meme Binge

And some people know they do this sort of behaviour, but can’t be bothered to change.

But others want to change but just can’t. They experienced trauma as a child that has left them with an impulsive nature, or were parented in a way that gave them negative core beliefs about themselves and the world.

This is NOT to say you should always excuse a partner or friend who is mean and criticising and makes little to no effort to change, all because they had a tough childhood. If they are emotional abusers you need to walk away. But if you know the other person really has tried to change, then they might really not want to hurt you. They just need help.

Option #3 – They didn’t actually mean to hurt you. In fact they have no idea they did.

If you feel that everybody is out to get you, that every single time you try to be nice people hurt you? This option might be more the truth than the others.

It’s hard to consider that our belief we are always a victim is not necessarily reality. But it is necessary if we want to stop the endless cycle of being hurt.

If people are not understanding you enough that they do not know what does and doesn’t hurt you, what could that mean? You might need to consider if you are:

  • not communicating your thoughts and feelings clearly
  • sending mixed messages
  • hiding things from other people
  • not being yourself around people
  • not setting clear boundaries.
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