Why (Penis In Vagina) Sex Can Be 'Meh' - Bish UK

Why penis in vagina sex can be a bit meh, or rubbish, for many couples.

‘Proper’ sex

When people think about sex they often think it means penis in vagina sex. Society says that this is what counts as proper sex. Some people really really like this – which is great for them. However many people (with penises and vaginas) do it even when they don’t enjoy it.

This video explains why people often don’t enjoy that kind of sex. Spoiler alert – it’s all about the glans. If you want to read instead, scroll down.

Meet the glans

It’s the really sensitive bit of the penis and also the vulva. There are thousands of nerve endings in the glans so, for many people, this is the most sensitive part of their private parts. The glans is the tip of the clitoris and it’s the bit you can see at the top. As you can see most of the clitoris is inside the vulva (see my clitoris video). The penis glans is the top bit too.

What penis in vagina sex looks like

So what happens when people have penis in vagina sex? This is the side on view of what happens as the penis enters the vagina and then goes deep inside. The penis goes into the stretchy space either in front of the cervix (as it’s shown here) or behind the cervix (see my vagina video about this). This should not feel painful at all if the vagina is relaxed and wet enough and the penis should just slide in quite easily.

#GlansWatch

So that’s what happens during penis in vagina sex. Let’s go back to the glans shall we? As you can see, the glans of the penis is getting lots of love. It’s snug and warm and wet and so it feels really great. But look at the glans of the clitoris – it’s not getting much love up there at all.

Penis 1, Clitoris 0

This means that for many couples, this kind of sex is better for the penis than the clitoris. Sometimes people do get enough stimulation from the outside bit of the clitoris, or from some of the nerve endings on the upper wall of the vagina to make it enjoyable. But many women with vulvas don’t enjoy this kind of sex that much.

Many women (with vulvas) don’t enjoy this kind of sex that much.

This makes people feel sad because sex is ‘supposed’ to feel good but also people worry that they aren’t normal or that they are crap at sex. So then people start to really worry about whether they are ‘doing penis in vagina sex right’ and concentrate on their performance. This can lead to crap sex, because people focus on their performance rather than whether they are enjoying it).

Trying (and failing) to do ‘it’ better

People also get really into dodgy sex tips. Trying out lots of techniques or positions that they hope will be a magic wand to make vaginal sex better for both of them. Or people might think that they just aren’t doing it with the right person and so give up on a relationship that might be great but just because this one kind of sex doesn’t work for them.

That’s the problem, what’s the answer?

First of all, remember that lots and lots of different kinds of sex can ‘count’ as sex. Rather than thinking about ‘what is proper sex’ think about what might be enjoyable for you and your partner and go from there.

What is Sex? Lots and lots of things are sex and they might be a lot more enjoyable than penis in vagina (PiV)

More about why people might not like PiV.

A history lesson on penis in vagina sex

Clitoris and vagina. Learn about how they work.

Penises and balls. Everyone just assumes they know how penises and balls work but I bet you will learn something from those.

How to Have Sex. Learn more about how to do it.

How to Enjoy Sex More. Also learn about how you can enjoy sex more.

© Justin Hancock, 2025 Find out more about me and BISH here.

BISH is run by me, Justin Hancock. I’ve been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. I’m a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. As well as BISH I also have resources, a podcast, and a coaching service for over 18s, as well as some of the best RSE teaching resources around. Find out out about my other work at justinhancock.co.uk. My work has featured (positively) in the media, like the BBC, Financial Times, The Economist, The Guardian, Sky One, and Novara Media.

What Else Can I Help You With?

There’s a comment box below (scroll down) if you want to give me feedback or ask a question (don’t leave your full name and I pre-moderate all comments, so it’s safe for you to post here). Or you can ask me a question here.

Or …

You can search BISH here

Search by category

CategoriesSelect CategoryBodiesPornRelationshipsSafer SexSexTeachUncategorizedYouYour CallYour questions

Or you can search by tags

A-Z of Porn About You Abuse Arousal Ask Bish Body Image Clitoris Communication Condoms Consent Contraception Coronavirus Dry Humping Ejaculation Erection Feelings Friendships Gender Kissing Law Love Masturbation Oral Sex Orgasm Parents Penis Pleasure Porn Positions Pregnancy Pressure Relationships Safer Sex Saying No Self Care Self Esteem Services Sex Education Sexting STIs Teach yourself Team Bish The Right Time Trust Vagina

If you have a question that I’ve not already answered you can contact me here

What do you think about BISH?

I’d love your feedback about the website please! I’m doing a PhD research project at Nottingham Trent University about BISH and it’s really important for me to get your thoughts about it. There’s a short survey here. It will just take around 10 minutes. It would really help me to help you, so it would be great if you could take part.

[Practitioners, although this website isn’t aimed at you, I’m keen to hear your thoughts about BISH too as you may have made use of it in your work. If you do work in or around relationships and sexuality education could you do this survey instead please. Thank you!]

Here’s How To Stay Updated With BISH

Most of my readers like to stay updated via email. So sign up here and get an automatic email every time I post a new resource on here.

Type your email…

Subscribe

And you can also keep up with me via social medias. I’m not an influencer, I put all my time into this website and also I think people trust sites like this more than social media. So I’m not very active on there but I try to post when I’ve done a new thing. TikTok. Instagram. Twitter (I’ve kind of stopped posting there now). YouTube. You could also follow me on Reddit if you like (just starting out, so tell me which sub-reddits you’d like to see me post in).

Funding and Support

This website is only funded by people like you who find it useful. As you can see, there are no ads, it’s all free. There is no premium service, just expert advice for free if you need it. If you’re an adult and want to be a part of this project please support BISH.

I know it's hard to share this kind of content, but please do if you can!

• Facebook
• X
• LinkedIn
• Pinterest
• Telegram
• Tumblr
• Reddit
• WhatsApp
• More

• Email