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How to Text Your Ex Girlfriend After a Long Time Download ArticleExplore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 “Hey! I was thinking about you the other day.” 2 “I saw the update you posted. Huge congrats!” 3 “Do you remember the name of the cafe we used to like?” 4 “So random: did you ever end up getting that dog?” 5 “I listened to the album you recommended. I'd give it 10/10.” 6 “Just wanted to say I care about you! Hope we can still be friends.” 7 “It’s been a while! Do you want to catch up sometime over coffee?” 8 “I know I made a ton of mistakes, and I’d love to talk through what happened.” 9 “Do you ever wish things had gone differently with us? That’s been on my mind.” 10 “I’ve been thinking a lot about how things ended. I wish we could try again.” 11 “I’d love to clear the air between us so we can both move on.” + Show 8 more... - Show less... Other Sections Expert Q&A Video Related Articles References Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Kira Jan
Last Updated: August 12, 2025 Fact Checked
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This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett and by wikiHow staff writer, Kira Jan. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 244,894 times.
Even months or years after you two broke up, you might find yourself missing your ex-girlfriend and wanting to reach out. But what should you actually say when you text your ex? Whether you’re looking to just check-in, reconnect as friends, or win her back, a thoughtful message can start rebuilding what you’ve lost. We’ve got you covered with 11 different messages you can text your ex-girlfriend, even if it’s been a long time.
This article is partially based on an interview with Connell Barrett, Dating Coach.
Steps
1
“Hey! I was thinking about you the other day.”
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Keep things casual and bring up positive memories at the same time.[1]X Expert Source Connell BarrettDating CoachExpert Interview Tell your ex-girlfriend you passed by her favorite restaurant, heard her go-to karaoke song, or saw a meme she would’ve loved. This type of message is low stakes because you’re not asking for anything or bringing in any expectations.[2]XResearch source
“I got lunch at Fambrini’s the other day and it made me think of you. How are you?”
“I know it’s been a bit since we last talked, but I just had to share this meme I knew you’d love.”
“Thought of you yesterday when ‘Dancing Queen’ came on. What have you been up to?”
Smartphones sometimes bring up "memory" photos from the past. That could be a great thing to send over to her.[3]X Expert Source Connell BarrettDating CoachExpert Interview
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“I saw the update you posted. Huge congrats!”
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Reach out about a recent event, and your text won't seem random. Congratulating your ex-girlfriend on a change or accomplishment shows that you still care, whether you’re looking to reconnect as friends or something more. Once you’ve broken the ice, you can easily keep the conversation going with open-ended follow-up questions.
“Congrats on the big promotion—you deserve it. How’re you feeling now that you’re the boss?”
“Hey, I heard you finally moved to Chicago! How do you like city life?”
If she doesn’t have any major life updates, bring up a smaller update you’ve seen social media like, “Hey, I saw the pic from your niece’s recital. She’s gotten so big! How old is she now?”[4]XResearch source
3
“Do you remember the name of the cafe we used to like?”
Download Article
Ask for basic information to prevent your text from feeling out of the blue. It can feel awkward to reach out if you haven’t talked in months, or maybe even years. By asking a straightforward, non-personal question, you keep things lighthearted. Plus, you’re more likely to get a response. After you exchange a couple of casual texts, ask to meet up or talk so you can reconnect.[5]XResearch source
“Rylee! I know this is weird, but what was the name of that Portuguese restaurant downtown?”
“Hey, hope you’re well. Do you still have the recipe for the amazing vegetarian casserole you made?”
“Hi! Is there any chance you have Tommy’s number from high school?”
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“So random: did you ever end up getting that dog?”
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Rather than just saying “What’s up?” ask specific questions about her life. Specific questions tend to be better because they show you’re genuinely interested in how your she’s doing. Try this approach if you’re wondering what your ex is up to or checking to see if she’s willing to be friends.
“I just realized it’s college admissions season. Has your sister chosen a school?!”
“Hey! I wanted to ask how apartment hunting went. Did you find a good place?”
“I was thinking about planning a trip to Japan. Did you end up going last summer?”
5
“I listened to the album you recommended. I'd give it 10/10.”
Download Article
Send a thoughtful message, then leave the ball in her court. Show her she still has an impact on your life and hint that you miss her by mentioning something she recommended to you. If she sends a short text back, she might not be interested in reconnecting. But if she responds positively and nostalgically, you might have a shot at re-establishing a friendship or relationship.
“I tried Ghanian food last night. You were right, it’s incredible. Hope you’re having fun in Portland.”
“I went to a sports bar with some buddies the other night and they were impressed at my Raiders trivia knowledge. I told them it was all thanks to you. I hope you’re doing well.”
“You were right about South San Francisco. They have surprisingly good sushi. Hope you’re not missing it too much living in Colorado.”
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“Just wanted to say I care about you! Hope we can still be friends.”
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It's okay to be direct and tell her you care if things ended amicably. After you’ve gone no contact and given her time to heal, open the door to friendship.[6]X Expert Source Connell BarrettDating CoachExpert Interview It’s completely normal to want to stay a part of someone’s life, especially since you were so close. Tell her there’s no pressure, and respect her decision if she ultimately says “no.”
“I know things didn’t work out, but I miss being friends with you. Let me know if and when you want to talk.”
“Hey! I wanted to tell you that I’m still here for you. I’ll always be your friend.”[7]X Expert Source Connell BarrettDating CoachExpert Interview
“No pressure, but I still care about you, and I’d love to be friends if you’re down.”
7
“It’s been a while! Do you want to catch up sometime over coffee?”
Download Article
Suggest a meetup in person if you’re serious about reconnecting. It’ll be easier to talk about rekindling a friendship or relationship if you two can communicate in real-time. Suggest a low-key activity like a walk or quick coffee, and see if she’s interested.
“Hey—I’d love to catch up if you’re in town. Would you want to go on a walk sometime?”
“Hi, Samantha! Are you free for coffee on Sunday? 100% no pressure, and this would be just as friends.”
“Hey, you just crossed my mind the other day. How would you feel about grabbing coffee and catching up sometime this week?”
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“I know I made a ton of mistakes, and I’d love to talk through what happened.”
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You might need to apologize before you can reconnect. Despite your best intentions, you might’ve emotionally hurt your girlfriend. Send her a sincere apology that owns up to past mistakes. Then, ask if she’s willing to talk through things.[8]XResearch source If and when you do meet up, give her time to process what you’ve said before asking for a second chance.
“I messed things up with us. I’m so sorry and it’s so clear to me now. Could we meet up so I can apologize in person?”
“I know it’s years later, but I still can’t believe how I treated you. I took you for granted, and I know that now. Would you be willing to talk so we can clear the air?”
“I understand if I’m the last person you want to hear from. But I’m so genuinely sorry for how I acted when we were together. Could I buy you a coffee and apologize?”
9
“Do you ever wish things had gone differently with us? That’s been on my mind.”
Download Article
Ask her how she feels about the way things ended. Who knows? Your ex might miss you as much as you miss her. Once you get a sense of where her head’s at, decide whether it seems appropriate to ask to meet up or give your relationship a second chance. Even if she doesn’t feel the same way, you’ll get a chance to get some closure and move on.
“Do you ever miss when we were together? To be totally honest, I do.”
“I know this is a lot, but I still have feelings for you. Is there any chance you feel the same way?”
“Hey, I’ve been missing you lately. Do you ever miss what we had?”
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“I’ve been thinking a lot about how things ended. I wish we could try again.”
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Be straightforward about your intentions if you think she’ll be open to a relationship.[9]X Expert Source Connell BarrettDating CoachExpert Interview But before you press send, check in with your own motivations. Do you want to get back together because you’re looking for familiarity and comfort or because the relationship itself was a positive thing in your life?[10]XResearch source Once you know why you're reaching out, hit send and see what she has to say.
“I miss cooking dinner with you and even doing laundry together. I miss pretty much everything about you. Would you give us a second chance?"
“Hey, I miss you and I miss being with you. I’ve changed and grown a lot over the last few months. Would you be willing to give it another shot?”
“I know things didn’t end the way either of us wanted. I’ve been doing a ton of reflection this past year. If you’re willing to try again, let me know.”
"Hey, I'm interested in rekindling what we had, or seeing if there's still a spark there. Would you like to have a drink sometime?"[11]X Expert Source Connell BarrettDating CoachExpert Interview
Reader Poll: We asked 441 wikiHow readers what change they’re most interested in making before trying to date their ex again, and 61% agreed that they want to focus on maturing as a person. [Take Poll]
11
“I’d love to clear the air between us so we can both move on.”
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Send this text if you want to get closure. Even if you’re not looking to get back together, talking about why things ended can help you heal. Studies even show that understanding what led to a breakup can help lessen the negative effects of the breakup on your current self-esteem and future love life.[12]XResearch source
“I know it’s over between us, but I’d like to talk through some things so we can both heal. You know where to find me if you’re willing to talk.”
“Hey, I know it’s been a while. But I feel like we left a lot of things unsaid, and I’d love to give us the chance to get closure. Let me know if you’d like to talk.”
“I still think about how we left things. I wish we could meet up and talk about what went wrong. I’m not expecting to get back together—I’d just like to get closure. Would you be willing to talk?”
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Question What do you say to an ex you want back? Connell Barrett Dating Coach Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." Connell Barrett Dating Coach Expert Answer Don't try to make them jealous! Instead, remind them of how it used to be. Focus on the good times, rather than the bad. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 9 Helpful 31
Question How do you ask out your ex? Connell Barrett Dating Coach Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." Connell Barrett Dating Coach Expert Answer Ask them out on a single outing, like seeing a movie, having a drink, or hanging out. Don't ask them if they'd like to have your relationship back—that's a big thing to request. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 5 Helpful 26
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Co-authored by: Connell Barrett Dating Coach This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett and by wikiHow staff writer, Kira Jan. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." This article has been viewed 244,894 times. 19 votes - 61% Co-authors: 5Updated: August 12, 2025 Views: 244,894 Categories: Relationship Issues In other languages Indonesian Dutch Spanish Portuguese Japanese
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Download Article Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 “Hey! I was thinking about you the other day.” 2 “I saw the update you posted. Huge congrats!” 3 “Do you remember the name of the cafe we used to like?” 4 “So random: did you ever end up getting that dog?” 5 “I listened to the album you recommended. I'd give it 10/10.” 6 “Just wanted to say I care about you! Hope we can still be friends.” 7 “It’s been a while! Do you want to catch up sometime over coffee?” 8 “I know I made a ton of mistakes, and I’d love to talk through what happened.” 9 “Do you ever wish things had gone differently with us? That’s been on my mind.” 10 “I’ve been thinking a lot about how things ended. I wish we could try again.” 11 “I’d love to clear the air between us so we can both move on.” + Show 8 more... - Show less... Other Sections Expert Q&A Video Related Articles References Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Kira Jan 
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Co-authored by: Connell Barrett Dating Coach This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett and by wikiHow staff writer, Kira Jan. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." This article has been viewed 244,894 times. 19 votes - 61% Co-authors: 5 Updated: August 12, 2025 Views: 244,894 Categories: Relationship Issues In other languages Indonesian Dutch Spanish Portuguese Japanese 
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Keep things casual and bring up positive memories at the same time.[1] Tell your ex-girlfriend you passed by her favorite restaurant, heard her go-to karaoke song, or saw a meme she would’ve loved. This type of message is low stakes because you’re not asking for anything or bringing in any expectations.[2] 
Reach out about a recent event, and your text won't seem random. Congratulating your ex-girlfriend on a change or accomplishment shows that you still care, whether you’re looking to reconnect as friends or something more. Once you’ve broken the ice, you can easily keep the conversation going with open-ended follow-up questions. 
Ask for basic information to prevent your text from feeling out of the blue. It can feel awkward to reach out if you haven’t talked in months, or maybe even years. By asking a straightforward, non-personal question, you keep things lighthearted. Plus, you’re more likely to get a response. After you exchange a couple of casual texts, ask to meet up or talk so you can reconnect.[5] 
Rather than just saying “What’s up?” ask specific questions about her life. Specific questions tend to be better because they show you’re genuinely interested in how your she’s doing. Try this approach if you’re wondering what your ex is up to or checking to see if she’s willing to be friends. 
Send a thoughtful message, then leave the ball in her court. Show her she still has an impact on your life and hint that you miss her by mentioning something she recommended to you. If she sends a short text back, she might not be interested in reconnecting. But if she responds positively and nostalgically, you might have a shot at re-establishing a friendship or relationship. 
It's okay to be direct and tell her you care if things ended amicably. After you’ve gone no contact and given her time to heal, open the door to friendship.[6] It’s completely normal to want to stay a part of someone’s life, especially since you were so close. Tell her there’s no pressure, and respect her decision if she ultimately says “no.” 
Suggest a meetup in person if you’re serious about reconnecting. It’ll be easier to talk about rekindling a friendship or relationship if you two can communicate in real-time. Suggest a low-key activity like a walk or quick coffee, and see if she’s interested. 
You might need to apologize before you can reconnect. Despite your best intentions, you might’ve emotionally hurt your girlfriend. Send her a sincere apology that owns up to past mistakes. Then, ask if she’s willing to talk through things.[8] If and when you do meet up, give her time to process what you’ve said before asking for a second chance. 
Ask her how she feels about the way things ended. Who knows? Your ex might miss you as much as you miss her. Once you get a sense of where her head’s at, decide whether it seems appropriate to ask to meet up or give your relationship a second chance. Even if she doesn’t feel the same way, you’ll get a chance to get some closure and move on. 
Be straightforward about your intentions if you think she’ll be open to a relationship.[9] But before you press send, check in with your own motivations. Do you want to get back together because you’re looking for familiarity and comfort or because the relationship itself was a positive thing in your life?[10] Once you know why you're reaching out, hit send and see what she has to say. 
Send this text if you want to get closure. Even if you’re not looking to get back together, talking about why things ended can help you heal. Studies even show that understanding what led to a breakup can help lessen the negative effects of the breakup on your current self-esteem and future love life.[12] 
Connell Barrett Dating Coach Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." 
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