9 Things To Know About Dating Someone With Borderline ...

Impact of BPD on Romantic Relationships

The combination of borderline personality disorders and relationships may often make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, not knowing what to say or do because anything could potentially set your partner off. Even when things are going well, you are left to wonder what’s going to happen next or what you should know when your BPD partner ends the relationship in a fit of rage.

Subsequently, feelings of guilt, self-blame, and shame could surface because you feel responsible for your partner’s drastic mood swings and erratic behaviors. These emotions are certainly reasonable when you are in a BPD relationship. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to better manage your emotions and reactions as well as improve how you relate with your loved one while building a fulfilling relationship.2, 5

Can a Relationship With Someone With BPD Last?

It is possible to have a lasting relationship with someone with BPD. However, these relationships are usually troubled, particularly when the BPD partner has chronic symptoms. It appears, though, that in such cases, the quality of the relationship is more dependent on the personality of the non-BPD companion.7 Nevertheless, a determining factor is also the BPD partner’s disposition to admit that they have issues and their willingness to seek help.

Other factors like adequate treatment accompanied with a supportive partner yield favorable outcomes for BPD individuals and their ability to sustain quality relationships.2 Lastly, it has been found that BPD individuals who reach a degree of emotional stability and decrease in symptoms have higher chances of sustaining satisfying relationships and getting married. They were less likely to part ways as compared to the non-recovered BPD counterparts.8

When to Walk Away From the Relationship

Although some BPD relationships can last, yours might not. It might be because it’s detrimental to your well-being or simply not the type of relationship you want to be in. You could also come across more serious issues like your partner refusing to seek help and engaging in repetitive destructive, violent behaviors. At this point, it’s critical to reassess the relationship and walk away to protect your safety.2

When a Therapist or Couples Counselor Can Help

If your partner is struggling with BPD symptoms or displaying self-harming or suicidal behaviors, seeking professional clinical care is crucial. There are a number of effective borderline personality disorder treatments, such as dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) for BPD or mentalization-based therapy (MBT), which can help your partner learn to better regulate their strong emotions, reduce impulsive reactions, and address troubled areas in the relationship.

The first-line treatment for BPD is psychotherapy with many individuals reporting the most improvement within a year.1, 6

Couples Counseling In BPD Relationships

Even though there may not be sufficient data stating whether or not marriage counseling works with BPD relationships, many experts recognize the importance of family support for a loved one with this disorder. Thus, going to marriage and couples counseling may be a valuable addition to the standard BPD therapeutic plan.2

Caregivers & Partners May Also Benefit From Therapy

Just as important, seeking professional help for yourself can be extremely beneficial. Therapy can provide a safe place for you to freely express your own emotions related to your partner’s BPD, learn ways to cope with relationship stressors, and develop the necessary skills to better understand and support your BPD partner.2, 4

How to Find a Therapist

If you or your partner aren’t sure where to look for a suitable professional, an online therapist directory can be a good point of entry. You may also consider online therapy platforms if getting to the therapist’s office is challenging. What matters most is that your loved one can find success in finding a therapist they can connect with and trust.2, 4, 10