Borderline Personality Disorder And Relationships: How To Make It ...

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HealthlineSubscribeNavigating Relationships with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Medically reviewed by Joslyn Jelinek, LCSW, ACSW, RDDP — Written by Kimberly Holland — Updated on April 28, 2025

If you have BPD
Partners
Making it work
Bottom line

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can cause constant changes in emotions. This means people with BPD may experience rocky relationships, both romantic and platonic.

Relationships present a unique set of challenges for people with BPD.

For example, a person with BPD may be affectionate and doting, but within a few hours, their emotional state may switch. They may feel smothered or overwhelmed. This can lead them to push away a person they had just been drawing closer to.

With treatment and continual support from family and partners, people with BPD can have successful relationships. Read on to find out how it’s possible and what you can do if you or your partner has BPD.

How BPD affects your relationships if you have it

The most common BPD behaviors and symptoms can often lead to difficulties navigating and maintaining relationships. If you’ve been diagnosed with the condition, you likely know this already. People with BPD are more likely to have many romantic relationships, which are often short-lived.

This could be because you purposefully broke off the relationship for fear that your partner might do it first. It could also be because your partner wasn’t comfortable facing so much difficulty.

It’s important to know that you can have a healthy relationship despite your personality disorder. Treatment, along with a strong support network, can help you find stability in your emotional state and your relationships.

Treatment won’t cure BPD, but these options can help you learn to cope with the symptoms and react in ways that aren’t as harmful to you or your partner.

Treatment for BPD
The most common treatments for BPD include:
Therapy: Dialectical behavioral therapy is commonly used with people who have BPD. A therapist will help you learn to respond to emotional situations with reason and proper judgment. This will reduce dichotomous thinking (the belief that everything is black and white) that many people with BPD experience.
Medication: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved any medications to treat BPD, but antidepressants, antianxiety drugs, and antipsychotics may help manage some of the symptoms.
Hospitalization: If you begin showing signs of self-harm or suicidal ideation, a doctor may hospitalize you for observation and intensive therapy.

What if you are in a relationship with someone with BPD?

A romantic relationship with someone with BPD may, at times, feel dysfunctional or chaotic.

However, people with BPD can be exceptionally caring, compassionate, and affectionate. In fact, some people find this level of devotion from a partner pleasant. A person with BPD may also be very physical and eager to spend a lot of time with their partner.

At the same time, people with BPD are sensitive to abandonment or rejection. This may cause them to become hyperfocused on perceived signs that a romantic partner isn’t happy or may leave them.

When a person with BPD senses a shift in their partner’s feelings, whether real or imagined, they may immediately withdraw. They can become angry and hurt over something a person without BPD would not react to.

These emotional switchbacks can be difficult to handle. Sometimes they can lead to uncomfortable public scenes. The impulsive behavior of a person with BPD may put that person or their partner at risk, too.

However, the stability of a partner may have a positive effect on the emotional sensitivities people with BPD experience. It may require a great deal of work from both partners, but long-term relationships and marriages are possible for people with BPD.

Making a relationship work when one of you has BPD

If you or your partner has BPD, you can find ways to cope with the cycles of emotions that the condition causes. This can help you build a stronger, more resilient connection.

It can be helpful to:

Learn about BPD: Part of caring for a partner with BPD is understanding what they’re experiencing. Understanding the level of emotional disorder they experience can help you respond in a way that protects both of you from additional chaos.
Seek professional support: Therapy can help people with BPD learn to better process emotions and events that upset them. Partners of people with BPD can also benefit from therapy. A professional can help a partner understand how to react, understand, and be supportive.
Offer emotional support: Someone with BPD may feel very isolated because of their past. Offer your partner understanding and patience. It is possible for them to learn and have better behavior.

The bottom line

People with BPD can have healthy and fulfilling relationships. It takes work, and lifelong challenges will remain.

However, therapists and doctors can work with you or your partner to develop a treatment plan to identify and manage the BPD symptoms that are most challenging to you and your relationship.

How we reviewed this article:

SourcesHistoryHealthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. We only use quality, credible sources to ensure content accuracy and integrity. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

Chapman J, et al. (2024). Borderline personality disorder.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK430883/
Crotty K, et al. (2024). Psychotherapies for the treatment of borderline personality disorder: A systematic review.https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2024-19816-001.html
Lazarus SA, et al. (2020). Too much too soon?: Borderline personality disorder symptoms and romantic relationships in adolescent girls.https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7045362/
Symptoms - Borderline personality disorder. (n.d.).https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms/

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Medically reviewed by Joslyn Jelinek, LCSW, ACSW, RDDP — Written by Kimberly Holland — Updated on April 28, 2025

Tag » How To Date Someone With Bpd

Borderline Personality Disorder And Relationships: How To Make It ...

How BPD affects your relationships if you have it

What if you are in a relationship with someone with BPD?

Making a relationship work when one of you has BPD

The bottom line

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